I've read so many posts about girls who want to (or already do) read their guys' texts, emails, missed calls, etc., and I can't understand it at all. Can you girls explain it to me?
I see no need whatsoever to read my boyfriend's stuff. I don't think it's any of my business, and frankly, I don't care who he calls or emails - I'm not a babysitter or a parole officer; I'm a girlfriend. I guess my position is that until I have a reason not to trust him, I will trust him. We've been dating almost nine months now and he has never given me a reason not to believe what he says.
Do you think that most people who do go through their SOs' texts and emails do it because they're curious or because they think they have a reason to believe there's something fishy going on? Also, so I know I'm not a total freak, is there anyone else who doesn't snoop or want to know what your SO does when you're not around?
Last, guys, do you ever snoop or want to? I only hear these stories coming from girls and I don't know if this is a gender-based issue.
Comments (81)
My best friend's boyfriend is extremely jealous, and oftentimes he will read her text messages, emails, calls, myspace and facebook posts, and has even logged onto her AIM screenname to see who she was talking to and what they were saying. He makes any excuse to get jealous, be it her finding another guy attractive to her being friends with an ex. So no, to answer your question, this is definitely not a gender-based problem.
lol i honestly don't care. i'm just curious, with his text at least. especially when we're out and suddenly he whips out his phone. but it's not because i'm trying to be overbearing and all
Well I guess I'm the only freak here haha. I check only his text messages sometimes. I guess I'm curious and if I would see that he's been texting with some girl a lot, of course I would get jealous. I don't trust people so easily, I can't help myself.
It depends..and no its not gender based, in my experience anyway..
My ex was OBSESSED with going through my phone, having my password to facebook and all my emails (work, personal, uni) no one knows about xanga tho hehehe
Anyway, i didnt mind in the slightest that he did this-i had nothing to hide, i wanted him to know he could trust me. Then randomly i went to look at his phone and-WHOA!!! big thing there. he didnt let me barely touch it! so, massive double standard there.
And, over the months i got suspicious, and would sometimes try to look at in in secret-never found anything, but who knows what he deleted, and it was rare i had the 'chance' so to speak. And, if i tried to look at it while he was around-for example, right after he went through EVERY SINGLE MSG in my inbox, sent, drafts n outbox (control FREAK i know!)-and i'd say 'hey well let me see urs then-no way would he let me!
The wonderful, fantastic, beautiful man i am with now:) is a different story:) I have no desire to look at his phone-i did slightly in the beginning, bc of what id experienced with the crazy ex, but this guy i can just, trust:) I dont need to look at his phone and-here's the cruncher-he doesn't need to look at mine! YES!!! haha:P
So, it depends on the person really, and yes on whether or not they are given a reason or have a 'hunch' i suppose to believe their SO is hiding something from them.
This kind of question can't really ever have a straight answer:)
My SO and I willingly do whatever we want with each other's phones. It's not a big deal. I don't have a problem with it, because I have nothing to hide. And neither does he. I set up anything he does online because he wants me to, such as I made his email. And if I'm on MySpace and he walks in, I gladly let him look if he wants to. Neither of us care for "privacy", and it keeps us happy.
I was never the type of gal who would invade peoples privacy, especially my bf. But when we were dating...he started acting really funny. One night while I was over, he went to take a shower and his cellphone went off, figuring it was his Mom, I was going to respond that we would be at an upcoming party...turns out it was some girl calling him "baby" and that she "missed him". I went through his phone finding more texts TO girls...One I still can recall...
"You looked hot today at work with that tank top on"
"Well, thanks, but you have a girlfriend..."
"Yeah...I know..."
Aww it was so nice to know he remembered that...not
So, I guess it really depends on trust. Usually you can read your SO, if they aren't acting like they usually do....something could be up. Ya never can tell.
i check my husband's phone, but he's given me a reason to.
and since he deletes a lot of his text messages, it makes me trust him less.
i could care less if he looks at mine.
I don't have anything to hide.
my 1st ex bf and I, of 5 yrs were on a totally loving and trusting relationship. i had no qualms about him meeting up w chicks or msging/emailing anyoneelse. however, my previous ex of 3yrs was a totally different story. he kept his meetings w this one chick hidden from me, even outright lying to my face about her. i took to reading his emails/chats/sms and i realised he was lying and confronted him. i WAS NOT proud of myself at all. but cud not stop as i wanted the truth. we went through a year of rocky, unstable relationship because of that. he told me it was because he was afraid i wud become suspicious of her and he didnt want to lose her as a friend. i told him that BECAUSE of him hiding and lying to me i HAVE become suspicous. but we eventually moved on from this.
i stopped reading his emails and started to trust him again. recently, 3 months ago we broke up and i find out his dating someone else, someone that i had had an inkling of but decided to let them be as i wanted to start trusting him again. he had been msging/txting/calling her in the last 2-3-4-5months of our relationship.
makes me wish i had kept on snooping around so i cud confront him about it.
I never snoop in my through my boyfriend's stuff. It's never occurred to me to do so because I trust him 110%. I don't think there would be anything in his text messages or facebook messages that I would find particularly interesting so I don't check out of curiosity either. As far as I know, he doesn't check any of my stuff. Sometimes he will go through my phone but only to play games and look at my pics. I guess I wouldn't really care if he did go through my stuff though. I've got nothing to hide.Â
However, I can understand checking your SOs stuff if they have given you a real reason to doubt them. You deserve the truth.
people go through their boyfriends texts and emails because theyre insecure and may be convinced that theyre cheating etc. or maybe theyre just talking to someone other than them, which of course is a horrible thing -_-
Not a gender-based thing. My ex-bf was highly insecure in our relationship because he had a few cheater ex-girlfriends.
He would check my phone constantly, read through my texts, and we even had a huge argument over the fact that my best friend had my password to my online accounts but he didn't.
As for me, I do have a natural tendency to get curious but I'm pretty good at restraining myself. & I really trust my current boyfriend. :]
My boyfriend knows my password to everything, and anything he doesn't know the password to, I'd tell him in a heartbeat... Once when he was using my computer, he went through ALL my old myspace messages (out of boredom, I left him at starbucks while I went to work). Honestly, I didn't really mind, except that he read through some of my old messages with my ex and got upset. But that was a long time ago, and I'm a very different person now, and I explained that to him.
I know his passwords, too... I've checked his mail and stuff for him sometimes, and sometimes I just log in to his myspace to look at pictures on his brother's, cause they're private, and I can't view them but he can. (Old pictures when my boyf was a kid, cute. :) )
And there was one point where he changed his password on myspace, and eventually I confronted him about it, and it was because he was messaging this girl and venting about our relationship problems, cause we had been fighting a lot lately. That's when I got really upset, not because I thought he'd ever cheat on me, but because we were having problems, and instead of talking to me about them, he'd talk to someone else, and then close up on me.
I never feel the need to look at my boyfriend's stuff...usually he tells me what the text was about, or who called him anyways, and he's never given me any reason not to trust him. I think privacy is really important and there are certain things that don't need to be shared - I would never give him the PIN to my bank account, for example, but I would tell him how much money I have in savings.
Trust is almost as important as communication in a relationship, and if you always feel the need to snoop then maybe you shouldn't be with him.
If I have an SO, and I trust her enough, then I don't mind who she texts or e-mails to. As far as I'm considered, the only thing I might want to know is who she is talking to, that's it. I just ask: "who're you talking to?" and if she tells me or not, then she does. If she won't tell me, I wouldn't care.
I wouldn't snoop unless I was absolutely sure or had proof beyond reasonable doubt that she was cheating on me or doing something unscrupulous behind my back. If I have reason enough to assume she is, then I snoop. Say what you will about it being a violation of her trust and respect, but I'll be damned if I'm going to get hurt and suckered in the long run.
It's healthy to trust and respect each other and each other's privacy in a relationship. But if you have reason to believe you're getting had and you don't follow up on those beliefs, you are an idiot. Don't be SO trusting and SO respectful that you blind yourself, that's how people end up getting cheated on.
My boyfriend and I have each other's passwords to emails and everything.  I think that people mostly go through that stuff because they're curious.  It's only harmful when it becomes an obsession, if you're checking it more than once a day or whatever.  Don't let your curiosity control you.Â
I care, and get curious at times but I wouldn't ever go through his stuff..It's not that big of a deal and I'm not a snoop lol.
I agree with those who have brought up the issue of privacy. If trust hasn't been broken, I have no desire to read his texts or e-mails (or tap his phone line, or search through his closet, or install a tracking device on his car).
Although I share pretty most everything about myself with my boyfriend, being close to someone doesn't mean a total loss of privacy. It's not just guys, who I carefully maintain a platonic friendship boundary with, but my family or female friends might share things with me that are very private that he doesn't need to know. (For example, if a friend was struggling to get pregnant or family is trying to make decisions about an ill grandparent.)
If I wanna know whats up, I just ask, and that only happens on rare occasions. The only one I can even think of lately was when he was texting someone at like 2 a.m. while we're trying to go to bed, come to find out it was his friend's first night on 3rd shift and was having trouble staying awake. No use in going behind his back to snoop, if you can't ask him and get a straight answer, he's not someone you need to be in a relationship with!
I think those who don't allow their stuff to be read will eventually develop trust issues. But if the couple is open to sharing their private stuff, so be it.
separate spheres in a relationship are one of the most important factors for a healthy relationship, i believe. so no, i don't check anything so long as i'm not preoccupied with suspecting anything.
At first i let my ex go through my phone whenever she wanted, that was until she deleted every picture of every other girl that was in my phone and blew up over completely innocent texts that she completely misconstrued
My Fiancee and I have all of each other's passwords and such. We're really close that way. We are totally open to read each other's e-mails over the other's shoulder, etc. We have nothing to hide from each other at all!
I really don't feel a need to spy on him, though I do like scrolling through the texts of mine that he's saved on his phone because it brings back good memories. ^^
If I do check, I'm curious as to see which of our mutual friends have been talking to him and not me, so I can take them out for a drink and catch up ^^
@raiyaya@xanga - totally agree with you there.
@sonnigenmai@xanga - exactly
well i went thru my boyfriends phone and email and thank god i did. he had another gf of 4 and half years, cheating with one of his clients who was married, 3 kids, and was 18 years older than him, and had another gf he was seeing on the weekends. so altogether he had 4 girls he was dating. wow lucky guy ha. and probably more girls that i dont know about. thats why i looked thru his phone. cuz if you have nothing to hide than you shouldnt care. and once your dating someone, lets face it, you dont have privacy.
@raiyaya@xanga - im with that one! i check it every so often randomly usually cuz i'm just bored and curious who he's been talking to, but not out of jealousy but out of pure curiousity. sometimes i just wonder if anyone tries to put the moves on him hahah. but trust me, i'm really not the jealous type unless i actually feel threatened that my partner's going to leave me. and i have absolute trust in my bf! and my bf isn't the jealous type either and i really don't mind if he looks thru my stuff cuz i have nothing to hide (:
i am one paranoid freak so yea..