Tuesday, 16 June 2009
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Dating a Transgender Woman?
Perhaps I'm behind on blogs, but I'm surprised I haven't heard anyone admit or talk about this in a blog just yet.I'm sure the most of you know that I am pansexual, which means that there are two people I can easily love had I known them. One day, I could have easily turned to the left or to the right. without knowledge that there are more than just a boy and a girl. Now, I do have a girlfriend. But one fantasy I have always wanted to try and fulfill one day is dating a transgender woman. Not just sex, I mean full on dating. (Doesn't everybody have one of those fantasies that unfortunately doesn't quite sync up with your current partner?
Unless you can get her to the idea of a strap-on, but we'll leave that for the next idea on Scandalish.)I have told everyone that personally knew me that I was bisexual. But I have always told them that I am VERY skeptical about the possibility of dating a man. After all, women complain so much about men that I wouldn't date myself, if I met me. So, personally, I decided on the idea to build a bridge. Imagine this. There are a twist of chromosomes that can bring out a baby that is naturally transgender, or the parents make them feel like they want to be a girl. It happens every time.
But the general perception of dating one is...a mostly straight man isn't interested, because of the public reception of a gay man. And a woman would be a little mixed, at the idea of lesbianism. Even, the kids look at transsexuality as a likely joke on human nature, every time a regular man has long hair or dreads. So, because of the public perceptions and misinformation, some would tell me that stepping up to wanting to date a transgendered woman is a brave and loud move, when in fact it's just embracing human nature.
Plus, I haven't really felt like the stereotypical man in power, anyway. So, the chance to explore my inner gay man, when I become single someday, would be an interesting feature.
How many people out there would open to the idea of dating a transgender woman?
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- From: mynameisblueskye@xanga
- Name: Blue Skye
- Location: Boston, Massachusetts
- About Me: What should I reveal? I'm African-American, my astro signs are Scorpio and Dragon, I'm left-handed, and pretty candid with my opinions and thoughts. I love music, fruitful conversation, and a bunch of other things. Though, if you sign on here expecting the ilk of everyone's blogs,...well, you'll be a bit disappointed. Everything I post is me going raw with my subjects. So, if you dare addme, fasten your seatbelts. It is going to be quite a ride. Anything else you want to know, talk to me on AIM or Yahoo. Take a look at my profile to find out what my AIM and Yahoo! names are. I also have a policy for adding people. I check your profile, read your blogs, and maybe look at your photos, and then add you. IF you have friends lock, please send me a profile or a sample of your blog to be added.
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Comments (38)
Me. Both my and my SO are genderqueer.
The only issue I have with this is that dating a transgirl would give you the chance to explore your inner gay man. Transwomen are NOT men.
no... def not my thing.
interesting proposal. I'm not sure how I feel
Oops! Not two people. Pansexual is less about sex and more about love. So, that applies to men, women and transgendered anyone.
Im ....confused.
so are transgender women biologically women or men????
@tsukiouji@xanga - By that, I mean I am a bisexual man, but I have never dated a man nor a transgender. So,... PLus, funny enough, everytime someone talks of a transgender woman, they almost always refer to her as "he" or "him".
@mynameisblueskye@xanga - ah, sorry for misunderstanding!
@noree_n@xanga - Some are born men. Some can be born plain transgender. But these days, anyone who has a penis, is almost always referred to as a man. But who knows. It's not like you can just pull her pants and underwear off just to check.
i like men and i like women but honestly i dont know if i'd date a woman with a penis..... can't say i wouldn't though...who knows...
I wouldn't do it. I actually haven't met a person that is a transgender (well, at least anyone who has said that they were).
I...honestly...don't...know...
i've always had the fantasy of having a threesome with a girl along with my bf, but will never go through that because i'm too jealous and i'm not attracted to girls because i think i'm complicated enough, so i wouldn't date a transgender or have sex with them.
Eh, I have a transg friend and have met many - quite a number of them have sexual relationships with men but I've never interviewed their partners about what goes on in the bedroom though. Although based on some conversations with my friend, whom I call "she", she is on the receiving end and hardly "pitches" since she considers herself more female. Good luck whatever you try.
I don't think that's my cup of tea.
I definitely won't, but if I happened to like someone who was. I wouldn't mind (regardless that I'm a penis-o-phobe). I have a friend whose pansexual (more pan-romantic, since she's not interested in sex), she learns more on the girl's side, however she wouldn't mind going out with transgender people.
Different strokes for different folks..
-Kunoichi
Gender is not an issue. The person is who I want to know and love.
Hi.
I am a transwoman. Sorry, I am not looking, and I already have two guys that are more than enough for me.
I was pointed here by someone else -- another transwoman in fact -- who's reaction to this was not very positive.
I say all of this because you might want to know why I'd show up here and why I'm going to explain a few things to you.
Its not to offend or upset -- I do this pretty much all the time anyway.
First, you do get that transwomen aren't men. That's a huge step from our perspective.
There are some transwomen who are, indeed, tops. Usually, to be completely frank, they are sex workers -- that is, they do it for money. They are also not typically transsexuals.
Transsexuals -- that is, the one's crossing from boy to girl or girl to boy -- are usually so offended by that particular piece of their anatomy that they can hardly stand to touch it to shower, let alone have sex with.
To add to that, the medication that is used in the process of transitioning for transwomen includes something known as an antiandrogen -- that is, it kills the hormone that lets that part function. One of the most amazing moments for most transwomen is the day that thing stops working.
So the fantasy of what you see in trans porn or craigslist are pretty much only available there.
In the rest of the world, transwomen not only hate that thing more than you literally can imagine, but can't use it anyway.
Now, this doesn't mean that it is not sensitive still, or that they do not have needs, just that its an extremely complicated situation that varies from gal to gal. In general, pre-op, they will be either stone (meaning yo can't touch them but they will touch you, so a lot of oral) or strictly anal, with relatively few allowing people to touch that one part.
Also, within the trans community, a person who is intersted in you because you are a woman with that part is generally looked down on. There's even a "dirty word" for them: Chasers.
The reason for this is that it is insulting to be valued for the thing you hate the most, and it perpetuates a sense of being seen as a guy, when you aren't one.
As for the question, in my case, the answer is no. I would not date a transwoman
Then again, I'm not likely to date a woman, since I really like guys.
I hope this helped.
im confused .. =/
you'd date a trans girl just to satisfy your curiosity of being with a man? transg are still women right? or if they consider themselves as HE.. do they date women or men? im a huge mess. lol!ÂThere is this one in Canada I know & if it wasn't for the fact he wanted me to have his kids before he finished transforming, I'd be with him now. [i just don't want children.]
Dude, seriously? Transwomen are not men. They are women. Period. And they're not something to be fetished. I'm a transman (male born with female body parts) and I'm seriously offended that this post is up here at all. You have so much lingo messed up and misunderstood, down to your very definition of basic words like "pansexual" and "transgender" -- words that pertain to the very topics of this post. Do some research. If you want a man that looks like a woman, get yourself a transvestite off Craigslist or a sex worker. But transsexual women are women, dude, and your being with them would be largely heterosexual.
@dyssonance - Thank you for posting this comment. Very well said. ("Transsexuals -- that is, the one's crossing from boy to girl or girl to boy -- are usually so offended by that particular piece of their anatomy that they can hardly stand to touch it to shower, let alone have sex with." = Yesyesyes. Unfortunately. Very sad, but very true.)
@mynameisblueskye@xanga - They may refer to her as "he" or "him" but they're wrong. What's your point?
@noree_n@xanga - @xprincess_paranoiax@xanga - Allow me to give you a better education than the author of this post (who does not know what he is talking about, sorry): Transgender women are women. The vast majority of them were assigned the sex "male" at birth due to their genitalia (in other words, these women are genetic males) but do not agree with this assignment. There are a rare few who may have been born intersex (that is, neither distinctly male nor female) whose body develops in a male or female pattern or was altered to develop in a male or female pattern but the pattern of its development is opposite the brain... this is similar to what happens in the transsexual person except the transsexual person does not have ambiguous chromosomes or genitalia to accompany the feelings of having a brain opposite the body they were given. I would like to note that there is a difference between a transgender identity and a transsexual identity (feel free to read about this difference here). I hope this answers most of your questions. Trans people like to be referred to as the gender they see themselves, not the one they were assigned at birth. Therefore transwomen are genetic males who identify as women and transmen are genetic females who identify as men (at least in the majority of the cases). If you have any more questions I would be happy to discuss this further.
@dyssonance - @xprincess_paranoiax@xanga - @xthread@xanga - Let me elaborate. I don't want transgender people just for any fetish. It might be an open preference to be honest, but no fetish. And I certainly acknowledge the disappointment that more transgenders that I am aware of seem to get the Craigslist treatment rather than for something serious.
But where I am going is not trying to be fetishist at all. (Apologies if it came off that way.) It's just showing that there just happens to be one man who won't question negatively of a transgender person. Just as long as there is a click, then we can work out fine, no matter what gender. But since I have dated more girls around my lifetime, and never really take to plain men as much, to be honest, a transgender might be a way to currently start dating new sides. Like I said, people get so negative about men that I get a little skeptical even when it comes to watching THEM in a porno. But I digress.
But how many men around here can you honestly say has the balls to write a blog that opens and says, "If one is looking for love, I would have loved to be a candidate"? Heck, how many transgender uplifting blogs that has nothing to do with pornography can you say is gracing Xanga (or Datingish, for that matter) as we speak?
Just out of curiosity, how do you date? Find people to date... Not that it should be difficult, but I imagine it must be so... Even I have difficulty meeting women being bisexual (but mostly lesbian)! :S
@mynameisblueskye@xanga - Indeed, pansexuality is about seeing past gender to the person that is inside. It is the ability to have attraction to a person for reasons other than what gender they identify as or present as to society. Some people call pansexuals "gender blind" or "gender indifferent." It is similar to the world bisexual, but in many ways stronger and...more progressive, because where bisexuality reinforces the binary gender system, pansexuality leaves the door open to the (reality of) the gender spectrum (the fact that there is more than just male and female expression of gender). Also bisexuality, much like homosexuality or heterosexuality, tends to focus only on the sexual acts and with whom they happen with, when in reality they're just as much (if not moreso) about the relationships formed. Pansexual is a word like "queer" -- it lends itself to further explaining, it is a very open-ended, open, "umbrella" identity, brought about by a lot of queer politics. The problem I have with you using the word is that you are certainly not gender blind if you are seeking out a transwoman. You seem to hold some pretty popular misconceptions, including the idea that a transwoman is more like a man than she is a woman, and that in dating or sleeping with a transwoman you would experience something homosexual. I suppose it really comes down to the transwoman's more specific gender identity (that is, if she feels transgender or strictly transsexual); it's likely that a transgender woman may see herself as some mix of both genders. But a transsexual women would see herself a strictly female and your interactions with her would be heterosexual.
[edit] I see you added me in to your last comment and edited it a bit. So to this I add... Good for you for having the self-condidence to post this to Datingish and not do so anonymously. My big peeve is that some of your terminology is wrong and people are going to have to read the comments to see that you're not a fetishist. But whatever. I'm not mad, dude, I'm just saying that like, you seem to have some misconceptions. That's all.
@xthread@xanga - It's cool. But since I kind of screwed things up, why not post some of the stuff on Datingish? I don't thnik there was enough stuff about trans-anything or genderquuer things on Datingish, really. That's one of the reasons I wrote this, too.
@mynameisblueskye@xanga - I really don't have anything to say here, really. I've already written on Datingish about things that Datingish doesn't usually feature. For example I did a little two-part series on Polyamory a few months back. (The only one of its kind, I think.) I suppose I could write about dating as a transgender person except I wouldn't know what to say about it. I'm just a person. If you personally are curious as to what it is like to date a trans person, there are girls here on YouTube who talk about their experiences dating their FTM boyfriends. I know you're not a girl interested in transmen, but maybe you'd be interested in their perspectives and life experiences.