Tuesday, 16 June 2009

• Featured Comments: Why Does My BF's Experience Bother Me?

  I was just reading the comments on this post and thought a bunch of the responses were phenomenal. The situation is an uncomfortable one and I'm glad the OP decided to share it...and that you guys would weigh in so honestly and supportively!
  
  Here are selections from some of my favorite responses:
  

  1: Do you know him well enough to trust that he will wait? - These types of situations are not as rare as you think. One person in the relationship wanting sex, and the other wanting to wait. It is natural for any and every human being to crave physical intimacy, and no amount of blow jobs, hand jobs or dry humping will add up to the satisfaction of actual sexual intercourse, so if this is someone who you aren't 100% sure is capable of waiting (In my opinion, everyone can, but some - unfortunately most - definitely won't) then I strongly suggest you bail before you get hurt.

  2: Do you trust yourself well enough to wait? - I have one thing to confess in this situation and that is the fact that I have used people before for my own personal gain. One in a situation very close to this. My girlfriend wanted to wait. I had previous experience. I fed her the "I understand" line over and over again for 15 months straight. But no matter how skilled I was at appearing sincere, I finally got her to break. We had sex. Don't get me wrong I didn't intend to ever leave her, but in the end, I did...and in the end, I was not at all sincere about being willing to wait.

  -totzlol

  It sounds like the same situation we were in. She wanted to ask questions, and eventually she broke down and did ask them. I was completely fine with that. We spent a whole night talking about sexual experiences, and, for her, it actually helped to reinforce our relationship. It took a lot of the "what if" and "what happened" out of her worried head, and helped to calm her down when it came to sex. If he is comfortable with talking about his past experiences, perhaps you should ask. It may help you out as well.
  He should be happy with you. With or without sex. That's the bottom line here. I know I was, and from the sounds of it, he should be too.
  

  
  -violentlyfallen
  
  

  I have a slightly similar problem with my boyfriend, that being he has far more experience than I do. And to this day it still bothers me, especially when were in public and he happens to see an ex of his or girl he hooked up with. But the way I learned to deal with it is that he reassures me I'm the best he's ever had, and I trust him to tell me the truth. Seeing as how you plan to keep your virginity til marriage, you should be very thankful that he respects that. Most men would move on. However, if you're willing, perhaps you could do "other" forms of sex without intercourse. Just keep reminding yourself that if he cared about any of his priors, he wouldn't be with you. You obviously mean a lot to him, and they obviously mean nothing to him. Best of luck.
  
  

  -lnc10
  
  High-fives all around.
  

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