Miss Walrus
I'm a firm believer that the best things in life come to those who wait. That if you really, truly want something...it's better to earn it than to have it just fall in your lap.
Especially when it comes to love.
The last few days (literally, just days) I've been hanging out with someone I've gone to school with since elementary school but never really got to know. We found out pretty fast that we have a lot in common - from our taste in music and movies to our opinions about politics and religion and just about every other important topic you could possibly imagine.
Which is great. Amazing, actually.
But there's one tiny problem: Boy - after THREE nights hanging out - has already admitted (...via text message. ugh.) his feelings for me. Even said he feels a stronger connection with me than he has felt with like, anyone.
Which is awesome because I've never heard that from any of the other sleazebags I've dated. However, I'm a little unnerved by the fact that he is saying this WAY too soon in our "relationship".
I have been literally been wishin', prayin' & hopin' for a guy just like him for years. And when I thought he had finally arrived, I was elated. But it just seems ...too easy. And way too quick.
I think if we took more time to get to know each other and actually figured out what it is that we like about each other ('cause really, how much do you find out about someone after hanging out with them for probably like, sixteen hours total?) - we could really go somewhere.
But I'm worried that by him saying all this to me too soon, I'm gonna freak out. I can feel it happening already. But it sucks because...well...in person, he's nothing like that. We just joke and laugh and party and have a good time. He gets along with all my friends (in fact, they LURVE him!). He doesn't come on too strong when we're kissing. Everything is perfect...except the fact that he admitted his feelings.
Do I just like the chase or is it really j ust too soon? Should I say something to him about this - and how would I without hurting his feelings?
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Comments (40)
I think you should just dump him and screw all of his friends.
Be honest. Tell him that you really like him, but he's moving things too fast emotionally, & it's pushing you away. He won't get it unless you tell him straight up.
Who gives a crap if he said sooner than your picture perfect romance? The best love is the kind that happens unexpectedly; the people who last are those who weren't looking for it in the first place. Stop with these ridiculous rules and just go with the flow.
You like him. He likes you. Stop with the games. Those were for middle school.
i think you shouldn't care, because you obviously like him, and he likes you why waste time?
If you like him back, what's the big deal?
Sounds fine. You should just go with the flow.
It doesn't matter if it was to soon to you, if you return his feelings then it doesn't matter, if you aren't sure, then talk to him about how you feel.
time is on your side, develop your friendship more and see where it goes
I think that if something seems too good to be true... it usually is.
He might just be a very honest and open person. It does make you wonder if he's kind of needy or desperate, but you said you knew him since elementary school, so it's not like he just laid eyes on you last week. He's been getting to know you for several years (kind of sort of). For all you know, he might have been checking you out all this time and just hasn't told you yet.
You might have a fear of love. Maybe because all the other guys you dated were sleaze bags, you might be uncomfortable around a guy who may really care for you. Be glad he's not clingy in person though.
Don't listen to the Cosmopolitan-type articles that tell you to split when a guy tells you how he feels. He might just be an emotionally healthy guy who doesn't have to play mind games like some other people do. He might just be secure in himself enough to tell people how he feels even though they might look at him differently because of it. He's true to himself and his feelings. Sounds like good boyfriend material to me!
If you feel the same towards him it shouldn't matter. but on the other hand, you don't have to tell him the same thing back. just let him know where you stand with what's too soon for you or just go with the flow.
@ISpeakLife@xanga - you've known if for ever, so "too soon" is impossible. he needed to say in in txt because he found it hard to say in person, but thought you wanted to hear it. Now, it's all up to you. Either you feel for him or you don't. If you do, just keep it going physically at the pace that feels right for you. It's ok to tell him how you feel, back, but my advice is to not make him feel like a jerk for telling you his feelings (unless you think he's lying for sex). Good luck. It sounds like you have a nice thing going that's worth the effort of keeping it going!
You can always try it out- but that is if you like him enough and are willing to do that :)
My husband told me he loved me the first night he called me. I thought it was too soon. I thought maybe it was just one of those 'in the moment' kind of thing but he seem to prove me wrong over and over again. If you like him, why not? Just take it slow. Tell him where you stand and how you feel. If you don't, hm, talk to him.
I think you're being silly. If your issue is that he didn't keep his emotions all bottled up and tell you at the "right time," then you're just enforcing ridiculous restrictions that have no basis in the success or failure of a relationship and will inevitably screw you over. Stop putting up barriers for yourself and let the relationship be.
And give him his props! The boy had the courage to tell you straight up that he cares about you and that takes guts. You should be thankful- his straightforwardness is great and will help you later when you really need to communicate to keep your relationship going.
My boyfriend was the same way with me...we met online and when we first met in person he talked about taking me to meet his mom. I was kind of freaked out because I wasn't looking for anything serious with him and here he was telling me I'm exactly what he's been looking for all these years. I've gotten used to him moving quickly with me, and we kind of have fun with it now...we've been going out for 2 months and already talked about moving in together once I am done school in 2 years. Some people just know what they want, and as long as you have no reason to distrust them, then go for it :)
all of us love the chase whether we're interested or not. you have a two options, you can tell him how you're really feeling and it's gonna hurt his feelings or you can just stay put and let him keep chasing you until you're satisfied. but if you're really like, why not take a chance?
just dig it
Just go with your feelings. Go with it. It may seem too easy but sometimes it's not. Try it out. If it doesn't work, well at least you tried.
@steph - agreed.
You've already kissed him after "sixteen hours,"
Yet him saying that he really likes you is too much.
I don't get it.
I don't really think it matters.It seems more like you're trying to create your own romance novel rather than face the reality. Obviously, reality isn't supposed to go how fairytales go like. There are some people that get married after just 6 days of meeting eachother (no, I'm not talking about Britney Spears). This is a legit marriage too, not because the parents forced eachother or anything. Happiness can come in very different forms for each person.
Awh, he sounds adorable. Keep 'im.
haha, i had something like that earlier this year.
we ended up breaking it off...
it was just all too much for me. too fast too.
but maybe yours will turn out differentlygood luck~ =]
I kinda agree with what ViciousGrin63 said, actually.
As for the time, I've had a guy, after only knowing me for THIRTY minutes, tell me he was in love with me. That was alarming, considering he was literally crazy. Now, your situation is much more normal. Calm down.