Sunday, 14 June 2009
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The Threesome
Every guy's fantasy. And a topic I'm sure every girl and her girl friends have discussed. Is it taboo? Or is the the norm in today's sex-crazed society?
I was watching a very early episode of Sex and the City, and this issue was brought up. Charlotte was dating a man who asked her if she was willing to try it. He claimed they needed more adventure in the bedroom and that would be the perfect way to spice things up. And when she finally built the courage up to try it, he forgot about her totally while he had sex with some random chick they met at a party; she ended up leaving feeling cheated. I thought to myself, would I ever agree to a threesome with my boyfriend?
If my boyfriend was to ever confront me with the prospect of having a threesome, I would not only blatantly say no, but I would question our relationship, because it would mean that he's not satisfied with me alone. Samantha gave her view of a threesome. She said that the only time you should consider having a threesome is if you're the "newcomer". I totally agree with this point of view. I would hate to sit and watch my significant other having sex with another woman. I would feel cheated. And keep in mind, the man will more than likely pay more attention to the "newcomer" to get a new sexual experience while the "old fogie" sits and watches. That would suck!
I don't fancy the threesome idea at all; I mean the thought might sound exciting, but the actual deed might, make that will, cause more harm than good when it comes to your relationship (in my opinion). How about you? Would you ever consider a threesome; why or why not? Or have you had an experience with one? Give your views.
Disclaimer: This "threesome" discussed refers to two females and one male and takes place within a serious relationship.
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- From: prettygurl2890@xanga
- Name: Dainty
- About Me: Just a laid back girl who's all about having fun...
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Comments (91)
ugh hell no. that's just weird
my husband and i have talked about threesomes (not as if we want to have one, just in the same way that we talk about pretty much everything....random discussion, if you will). we both agree that the idea of he and i and another girl sounds kind of appealing but, as many have mentioned, is more than likely better in theory than practice. we enjoy and are fulfilled by our monogamous sex life with one another (we do plenty of our own experimenting without any help from a third party, haha).
our culture has this whole warped view of sex because for so long (and in some ways still) it had been treated like this taboo necessary evil that was only discussed in metaphor. married people had sex occasionally because that's what married people do, but they better not discuss or *gasp* enjoy it. and the result of too much strictnesss (as is usually the case) is that once society got tired of it they busted all the doors open and the pendulum swung the complete opposite direction where not only do we talk about it anywhere and with everyone but we should be having sex with several different people each week and, hey, why not with more than one person at once?!? brilliant! this has resulted in the cheapening of not only sex and sexuality but humans in general, and i think it's made it more difficult (and, to some, laughable) to find a person you want to spend the rest of your life with and completely enjoy a fun, adventurous, fulfilling sex life with them. i think the reason people by and large have problems with threesomes is because it goes against the actual nature of sex- which is a naturally bonding, intense and ultimate expression of love. i'm not saying everyone can't handle it, but you definately hear of more problems than not.
that kind of went off on a ramble there, but you get the point (probably. lol).
:)
@molly_quinne@xanga - This is much what I believe, but personally, I couldn't imagine having one at this point in my life. As young as I am I think I'm probably done experimenting with anyone else.
When you're not serious, it's all good.
There is ABSOLUTELY NO way I would EVER agree to a threesome. My boyfriend brought it up one time, and I flat out said "No way in hell. You want a threesome, you should have done it while you were single!"
I've had a threesome before. A few, actually. The key is...if you're all single, it's great. Even if you had previously been dating one of the other people, if you pick a person who has no connection to your former-SO, then you don't have to worry about them hooking up later. It was actually pretty hot to watch them doing stuff, but knowing that I was getting most of the attention from both parties anyways...
my exact same thoughts. if my boyfriend wanted to have a threesome, i'd feel the same way. like i wasn't enough. like he wanted to cheat, but be sly about it and do it without me being mad.
and i definitely feel like the girl in the relationship would just sit on the sidelines while the boyfriend just had fun with the "one night stand."
ick. not for me.
@KasumiCelesta@xanga - he would say "ew that's disgusting. i would never do that, who do you think i am?"
fair, right? haha
No way. My ex asked for one and its one of the reasons he's my ex. It just didn't make any sense...how does that happen? Would the other girl be one of my friends? Do you put an ad in the paper? Ew I couldn't do that. I feel like its an excuse to cheat, and I was really hurt that he thought I wasn't enough for him. I asked him how he would feel if I wanted a threesome with another guy, of course he didn't like that idea...but I guess it was ok with him if I was the one being left out/cheated on.
If my bf now ever proposed it I would be pretty hurt. He knows better, I know he wouldn't even try plus he had an opportunity to when he was single and he didn't take it. Its a HUGE no no for me.
This is really a "To each his own" topic. There's no right answer. For some couples it works, for others it doesn't.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - Not always.
i always had the fantasy of it, but i would never go thru with it. it's like you saying to your partner, "go ahead and cheat in front of me, i want to watch." i'm a jealous person by nature so i would not handle a threesome well.
Um...NO! Why would I want to see my bf pleasuring someone else and vice versa? That's disgusting. If he's stupid enough to propose that idea then I would end the relationship right away.
I totally agree with you. I can't share either, so threesomes are a "no go" for me.
I usually say, sure, we can bring in another chic, but only if we can bring in another dude first. They usually shut up after that.
I think I would get jealous if there was a threesome... and I'm only interested in my boyfriend.
I've been with my boyfriend for 14 months. He is an exceptional guy and very wonderful. I'm the only girl he's ever been with. That makes me feel very good. I trust him a whole lot, so I offered a threesome between me and one of my friends as long as he promised nothing would come between us. He didn't want to, he said he only wants me. After much pleading (I believe doing this would lessen the chances of him possibly cheating just out of curiosity later on) he said if it would make me happy, he will agree. So, I called up my friends and none of them were up for it. lol. I'm certainly not complaining that none of my friends want to have sex with my boyfriend. haha. I'm content with knowing that the choice is always there if he ever wants to take it, if I can find another female. I don't want him to make bad decisions in the future because he just wants to know what someone else feels like. I used to think, 'you know it has nothing to do with how much I trust my man, but everything to do with I can't trust another woman' but I was wrong. I got with my boyfriend and realized just how much a person could love. I love him with every molecule of my being, and trust him the same. I trust him to, if another woman came onto him, tell her he's taken, sorry.
It's possible for the penis to not be connected to the heart or brain at times, hence why just because you have sex doesn't mean you're in love. Don't get me wrong, like I said I love my boyfriend, but I'm fairly comfortable with bringing another girl, that I find myself, into the mix as long as I'm present. In my heart, I know that he's mine and nobody could ever take him from me.
Threesomes are a personal choice and you both have to be comfortable with the idea. You should never feel forced into doing it. You should never feel like your boyfriend is going to leave you or cheat on you otherwise. It's all about trust and love and respect in this situation. It's something that can easily go bad, so you have to make sure your bond is strong and can withstand any negative consequences that could arise from the situation; like the other girl wanting more, or wanting him all to herself, etc.
A man has one penis and a woman has one vagina for a reason. Enough said.
"And keep in mind, the man will more than likely pay more attention to the "newcomer" to get a new sexual experience while the "old fogie" sits and watches. That would suck!"
Sex, "making love", doing it... whatever you name it, feels amazing. So, I thought "why not experiment?"...I was a "newcomer" to the whole threesome deal. The guy ended up not feeling comfortable with me, and paid attention to his girlfriend more. . . . haha, it really sucked. Made me feel awkward. I wouldn't recommend one if the boyfriend is overly sensitive... If I would have known it was going to be like that, I wouldn't have gone through with it.
@rot_forme@xanga - This was really interesting to read. You have a...calm point of view. =]
@Asthma_is_Sexy@xanga - Pretty damn good point. Simple, and straight to it.
Not a lot of guy comments here. I feel like male "lusts" are being talked about behind the sheltered veil of--say--a girl's locker room (with a few guys peeping in).
At any rate, I think the key to a threesome (FFM or MMF) is either bisexuality or a voyeurism fetish. Bisexuality alone is insufficient, obviously, b/c there are plenty of bisexuals that are intensely dedicated to monogamy, but without it, a sexual threesome would quickly descend into voluntarily witnessing "cheating," hence the need for the fetish.
Regardless, for it not to destroy the relationship, there would have to be a shared perspective of what the relationship is that doesn't define the physical part of the relationship as (the manifestation of) THE relationship. If a couple were to agree that sex is physical, and the relationship is emotional, sex can be had with another person without repercussion (the agreement must be more than intellectual, though). You'd have to reserve the jealousy for polyamory alone...
(I was writing too much. My comment is continued here if you're interested: "Continued from Datingish: Threesomes" )
I dont think I would be secure enough with letting my SO have sex with someone else....something that is so intimate and meant between two people. Id feel cheated and hurt and disgusted.
if he ever asked id question myself and our relationship...
@spanz@xanga - Haha, you made me laugh there.
Anyhow, I am a male, and I myself dislike this idea and will never have threesome with a woman I truly like and care or love. Would I do it if someone pays me a million dollars? I would not because it is digesting! wtf lol
I'm going to go with my friends philosophy to never allow your guy the satisfaction of having you in bed plus another woman. Only have a threesome if the third partner is a guy.
(Except I honestly wouldn't be interested in a threesome regardless if it was with two guys lol)
@rot_forme@xanga - wait, i'm confused....you said you wanted a threesome because it would theoretically lessen the odds of him cheating later on, but then you said that's a bad reason to have a threesome (so he doesn't cheat on you). i'm not sure i understand your point there.
also, i think in sexual matters people are much more likely to move forward than back. meaning that if you do have a threesome it changes some of the rules of your relationship (whether the parties involved admit it or not) and some things that were off limits before are now closer to eacceptable. and that can open up a lot of problems. just a thought.
:)
I would not agree on that because if I wasn't in love with this guy, I wouldn't even BOTHER considering the possibility. But because I was in love with him, I wouldn't want to share him with anyone else unless we've broken up. And if I wasn't in love with him, I wouldn't consider that as an option and just accept that he's not satisfied with me alone. So it's not going to happen.
IF it ever did, i'd have some strict rules about him not being able to INTERACT with the 3rd person. Although it'd bother me that the love of my life is OKAY with another person being that intimate with me. Overall, I think it's a lose-lose situation.