Saturday, 13 June 2009
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Sometimes I Don't Want to Be in A Relationship Anymore
So I have a BF and we have dated for a little more than a year now. Somehow, at this point in the relationship, I sometimes get this feeling like I just want to be alone or, to be more specific, I just don't want to be in a relationship anymore. Don't get me wrong, I love him very much and there is nobody else in the way. I just don't know why I've been getting this feeling lately, but whenever it comes to me, I would get these mixed emotions. Sometimes it feels more like relief but other times I feel sad and like I'm being cruel toward my BF. Other times I'm just myself - happy - and I would miss him.
Have you guys ever had this feeling while you're dating dating? Am I just thinking too much or is this some type of relationship depression?
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- From: ShOrDeE_tRaNg@xanga
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Comments (33)
yes i totally feel this sometimes too. who doesn't miss something they once had?
but after a while you realize what you can loose and it all goes away
I'm on the exact opposite end of this situation right now, actually. My boyfriend just told me last night that while he loves me and there's nothing wrong with our relationship, he doesn't know if he wants to be in a relationship right now. It kind of hurts because if I'm not doing anything wrong, there's nothing to fix to make it better. I feel quite hopeless.
every relationship has ups and downs....some people might say it's an itch some people feel they have to scratch...whatever it is, don't take a break. breaks don't work.
When was the last time you were single before this relationship? One of my best friends hadn't been single since she was freaking 12 years old. Guys just seem to be attracted to her and they seek her out so much. A lot of times, when she is in a relationship, she longs to be single and is legit depressed about it, even though she likes/loves the person she is currently with. Maybe your situation is similar?
I feel like this sometimes too. And, funnily enough it started at about the year mark for me as well. I think that's just a point in the relationship where the dynamic changes. You're comfortable with each other, know almost everything about each other, and a lot of the "honeymoon"/rose-colored glasses sort of stuff has worn off. You just need to get adjusted to this new phase.
I've felt that way too, and I think it's because at about a year a relationship transitions from "casual" to "serious" and that can kind of freak you out a little. No matter what anyone says, commitment is a little (and sometimes a lot) scary. You can tell him how you feel if you want (and if you think he would want to know) or you can wait it out. I have a friend who has been with her boyfriend for 3 years and has broken up with him three times because of that exact feeling. They always got back together, but she obviously felt strongly enough about it that she wanted to end a relationship with someone she loves. Work through it if you can, and if you can't then just realize that you can't expect him to wait for you.
oh yeah, definitely get those. If you decide to go with your doubts, you'll really miss him, but it wouldn't be the end of the world. I wouldn't discourage you to take a break to make your values completely clear to yourself.
Ahhh yes. Sometimes you just needa go off and do your own things for a while. That doesn't mean you have to leave him just tell 'im how ya feel and say you wanna figure stuff out. I'm sure he'll get upset and feel there is someone else but if you are upfront and honest with him and such it should be easy. Sometimes after you take some time and do the things you enjoy you can reconnect in your relationship. Space isn't a bad thing at all...utilize it the best you can, figure yourself out and hopefully your relationship feelings of aloneness will disappear.
Goodluck hunni
I hope it's normal because if not, hell, i'm screwed. :)
Feeling this right now!! Thank you for posting!
We're probably both in the "Power Struggle" relationship stage with our guys. It's basically where they annoy the crap out of us at times, and both couples are trying to set boundaries. If you need more information on this then search for the "five stages of committed relationships" online, and you'll find a great article! Our feelings are normal right now, because my SO and I have been together for 1.3 years and I'm feeling the same way. We'll get through it, just don't leave it so soon!!
Best of luck =)
Because one day you'll end up getting married...and once you do, life as you know it is over.
If you want to think about it that way. Sometimes being in a relationship can feel somewhat confining, especially for people like me who are very independent. If it really bothers you, tell him about it--that what having a relationship is about.
I experienced this very recently. I credited it to the fact that normally, I'm a fairly independent person. I'm not sure what your reasoning is, but it might help to talk it over with him?
well i feel that way too sometimes, but it's because i haven't really been single in so long. maybe while you love your bf, you still miss the single life? or something like that. haha
I've been with my boyfriend for over three years now, and sometimes I feel that way. It helps to schedule activities when you're purposely doing something on your own, or something with your friends that he's not part of. That way you can still enjoy life as your own person (rather than "half" a couple), but it's not that you don't love him and enjoy being with him.
It could be the end of the "honeymoon" phase, as stated above. Try doing something extra special with your boyfriend, too, to bring back that spark. It'll remind you why you love being with him. =)
This happens to me often. When I am in a relationship, I want to be single; when I am single, I want to be in a relationship. All in all, I prefer being single over being in a relationship for the sake of depression, emotion, and time.
Are sure he is the one???
yup, i'm def. going through that right now. esp. because i know i can get alot of guys, and i used to be a major party girl.
my boyfriend is totally in love w. me. and sometimes i take that for granted. i shouldnt. because some people go a whole life time living without finding someone who cares about them. we should appreciate them more. if later on in the future it doesnt work out, just move on. but as of right now. stay with them, because youll never know if youll find someone as great as them. and if you want to go back to them later on how do you know theyre gonna be waiting around for you?
I do understand what you mean, but I haven't felt that with my boyfriend. I do, however, with my friends. If I hang out with them too much, I sometimes get tired of them and need to take a break before hanging out with them again, ahah >.>
i feel the same way sometimes. when im with him, i feel so happy :].. but when im away though, i start thinking and then i start missing the ways of being single and free. sometimes i feel like i have a collar that says [belongs to ___bf's name___]... but once i see him again, im like, oh yea, i love him ^___^
you need to talk to him about how you're feeling. if you don't really want to be in a relationship, you need to tell him because it's not fair to him.
Im married and sadly i have thoughts like that. its when my depression kicks in strong tho. There is nothing wrong with my relationship with my husband i just feel like i want to run when im in that mind state so i understand exactly where u are coming from..dont beat urself up about those thoughts what u should do is think about all the good things u and ur boyfriend go thru and how much u love him and im telling u the thoughts go away real quick. thats how i deal with those thoughts and they go away just like that. goodluck!!!! =)
Yeah, I've felt this way. During those times, I just need my space.
But if you are seriously questioning the relationship, talk it over with your boyfriend.
I hear Mars is nice this time of year. Hijack a space shuttle and enjoy the red sand for a bit.
Spend a few days by yourself. Stay with him just be 'grounded' or 'on vacation' or at a distant relative's house or something. I had that feeling ONCE in my relationship. You know what I said to myself? The following is what I told myself, just directed at you to help you get over this silly feeling.
You are being selfish. You are giving up love, do you know how many people want love and can't have it? Do you know how many troubled relationships would love to be in your shoes? How could you love a person and still be willing to just toss their feelings for you out the window? That says you have no respect for your boyfriend or yourself. You don't just get 'tired' or 'bored'. If you want some alone time, that's one thing. You go have some alone time, go shopping. Then get over it. This feeling is the result of too much negative thinking and selfishness. The worst part? Guys aren't as ignorant as they let on. I so bet you he can feel you slipping away. Boyfriends hardly ever mention that feeling because they don't want it to be the last little push that shoves you out of their life for no reason. Imagine how that feels, the person you are hopelessly in love with slowly slipping out of reach beyond all love and reasoning just because.
I really think you need to take those words to heart and get a grip on this feeling. This of it this way, when a wife gets tired of her husband - he's a jerk, comes home late, never cooks dinner, whatever. But he loves his wife. She isn't going to throw out their wedding vows because she's being selfish. If there's a problem she's going to honestly and respectfully talk about it with her husband. Boyfriends are practice for the real thing.
Good luck. I hope you make the right decision.
I've had this feeling happen to me multiple times, and I've tried breaking up, only to find that it wasn't the right decision for me. What I've found is that at these points, you should (like everyone has said) talk to your boyfriend. Maybe you're spending too much time together and you feel like you have no other life. It's okay to say "I don't want to hang out tonight" and just spend some alone time.
But I can tell you that if you really love your boyfriend as much as you say you do, then breaking up and being without him is not worth it. Find what's making you feel this way, and fix it. Maybe it's negative emotions, or what other friends are saying. Just remember that your love for him should guide you.
And rot_forme's post was really awesome, by-the-way. Definitely read that.