Saturday, 13 June 2009

• You Are Better Than That

  This might not be relevant to most of the people who read my blog. But it might be relevant to a few. Or maybe to a lot more than I think. But this is a letter that needs to be written, and needs to be acknowledged.
  
  Ladies:
  
  I know what it's like to be in a relationship with someone who makes me feel like my world is complete. I know what it's like to feel like that person could do anything, and you would still be right there waiting. I have waited, and waited, and waited for my man to do right by me. I have had two children, I have cried tears that are STILL not dry in my heart. I have put up with more than I should have, and I have given them permission to take some of my power away from me for the rest of my life. And why? What did they do, what did they have that GAVE them that right? Who put them in a position to come into my life, tear me down, ruin me, hurt me, scar me? No one. No one but me. So I say this with complete love and understanding:
  
  If you're in a relationship with a man, or trying to jam a relationship into place when you know that it doesn't exist, please STOP. Don't do that to yourself. If you have children, don't do that to them. You deserve better. God did not create us for a life of misery and hurt. He did not make us to be used by others, to be treated like garbage. We are precious and strong, and deserve to ACT and be treated that way.
  
  Life is not built on principles. Yes, it's nice to do the right thing, to stick up for your values. But if you're doing something, putting up with something, accepting something just on principle, PLEASE be sure that it is the right choice. Don't put yourself in the position to be torn down any longer. If you know that you cannot rely on the man you have in your life, then don't rely on him.
  
  Imagine all of that hurt, anger, bitterness, pain, and anxiety as a backpack and set it down. Don't hold on to it. Don't allow that to become your life, the cycle you live. You are born, and then you die. As cliche as it sounds, that dash in the middle counts for SOMETHING. Your life counts. Your wishes count. Your desires count. And dead end relationships with men who hurt you, with men who don't realize your worth, with men who think that they are above the restrictions that they place on you hold no merit in that dash.
  
  In certain situations, it's easy to try and divert the blame from someone you love onto someone else. And sometimes, other people do play a role and should take responsibility for that. But don't try to take responsibility away from the man. If he's cheating, and that is something that's unacceptable to you, don't try to make him innocent by blaming the woman. She's responsible for her role, but she is not  responsible for his, and his role matters just as much, if not more.
  
  If you have a child with a man, and he does not accept responsibility, that's hard. It's a raw deal. But you have literally slept in your bed, and now you have to make it. Life goes on, with or without a proper father for your child. It just keeps on ticking, and everything slowly fades away until it doesn't matter anymore. Accept that hurt. Just accept it and live your life with that child. You can't change the actions of others, no matter how angry or bitter you are, so why choose that?
  
  And please, if you're with a man, or want to be with a man, but he plays mind games with you and acts like a spoiled child? Drop him now. That is not what a man is made out of, and that is never what a man will be.
  
  Not everyone I talk to is a Christian, but this is how I worded it to a friend that is going through a lot right now:
  *Being a good Christian does NOT mean that you stick to something out of principle. It does NOT mean that you set yourself up for failure by staying (or attempting to restore) in a relationship that never offered you what God has for you in the first place.*
  
  Whether you are Christian or not, that is the truth. You do not need to stick with something out of principle, nor do you have to set yourself up for failure by staying in, or attempting to restore, a relationship that never offered you anything in the first place.
  
  If you're married and are going through hard times, the best thing you can do is find a good marriage counselor and do everything in your power to restore that relationship to what it should be. But if you are single, or not married to whoever you're dating, and your relationship is a dead end that offers you nothing, where you are treated like garbage, then drop it and move on. You are better than that, and you need to rise above.
  

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