Saturday, 13 June 2009
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Can I Trust Him Again?
3 months ago, my boyfriend moved to Maryland while I stayed behind in Miami. I was so consumed with questions and mistrust, that I made a fake MySpace account and tried to set him up. I sent him a message on the account and it included the question, "are you single?" My boyfriend replied to the fake me and said, "yes I'm very single". When I confronted him about it, he said that he knew it was me all along and thought I would continue the act until he got the nerve to confess that he knew it was me all along. Needless to say, I forgave him, but now I don't trust him. He assured me that he isn't cheating and has never had the reason to cheat. Although I do believe him, a part of me thinks he's lying. I've tried getting the now "MySpace incident" past me and my doubts, but the more and more I try, the harder it is.
I've been together with my boyfriend for seven months now. He's the greatest (and only) boyfriend I've ever had. I fear that my insecurities, jealousy and mistrust will ruin the great relationship we have. I have no real evidence that he is cheating. Deep down I know he's not cheating. He's never lied to me or done anything that would lead me to question his faith (up until the incident), but why is it so hard for me to trust him again?
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- From: assassinessa@xanga
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Comments (41)
um to be honest...when u set up that myspace account was there something that made it obvious it was you? Bc I really don't believe him. Trust me, I know guys who have been the best boyfriends and behind the back have been up to all sorts of things...even hitting on me.
If he's never done anything for you to question his faith before that, then WHY did you feel the need to do it?
Regardless of whether or not he is cheating, you are being very insecure. Maybe you have a reason to be, maybe not. But long-distance relationships are NOT for everyone. If you can't handle it, move on and try to be less insecure with your next relationship.
he's cheating on you and has been all along. break up now or die.
@t_zie@xanga - I was thinking about the same thing.
You will ruin the relationship by your insecurities. If I were you, I would stop wasting time and creating drama by setting up fake Myspace accounts, and spend that time taking a long hard look within to see why you are so insecure, and start working on that.
@la_faerie_joyeuse@xanga - i agree with you.
if you can't deal, just move on.
give him a chance ...
I'd be more worried as to if he can trust you or not.
Sheesh... don't you think making a fake myspace account is a bit much? If I was him, I would no longer trust you because I wouldn't expect you to be honest with me. I'd also be offended that you had so little trust in me.
If this is your only reason for thinking he might be cheating on you, you might be a bit paranoid. However, if he has done other things to make you question his loyalty to you, then it's a completely different story.
he's probably telling the truth... he probably knows its you.
just come to think about it, what kind of girl asks if a guy is single on myspace? it probably never happens...and his answer is sarcastic as well. guys are not stupid.
This is silly. If he is cheating, you should end it. If he isn't, you won't be able to trust him anyways and you should end it. See what I mean?
He is probably just a good liar! But to be fair, you ought to give him a chance to prove himself? It's just been 7 mths. It'll take a longer time to see his true colours!
If you can't trust him.. I don't know if you should keep dating him.
if he didn't do anything bad, why did you even create a myspace account? only you know the answer to your problem honestly.
How would he have known it was you? Also, even if he did, why would he play you like that saying "yes I'm very single."? Instead of getting angry at yourself, maybe look at WHY you feel that way and you'll see you're not as crazy as you think you are.
Wow, some nerve...he didn't do anything wrong in the first place, YOU created the fake myspace to try to deceive him, he merely pretends like he's being deceived and you're the one forgiving HIM? He should be forgiving YOU for not trusting him and deliberately trying to make him trip and stumble!
You are right; your insecurities are going to ruin your relationship if you don't do anything about it. If you can't learn to trust, you're not mature enough for a relationship.
@storiesandsinker@xanga -, @KasumiCelesta@xanga - 100% agree! Trying to trick him via MySpace sounds like something a high school kid would do (who knows, maybe you are) -- but it's immature and downright DUMB.
Whether or not he actually is cheating on you, he should dump your ass. You have no right to wonder "can I trust him again?" when he's done nothing to break your trust. Don't try to villify him to right your wrongs.
how about you give it another test; this time act as if you were somebody else, borrow a picture from somebody and then act as if you were that person.. try to add a few other friends (which you created) and then give that a go... not sure if he's allow to check their profile, but make sure these creation are consistent with yours... make sure it's not created all at the same time, otherwise it won't work... oh yeah, make sure some of them has another group of circle (friends)... and yeah, you could make more creations, add some fake wall messages and fake stories... i'd say after high school graduation would probably be much more believable... you could even talk about prom on it... and make sure you can borrow some fake prom pictures... (lol, if it looks like it has identity theft labelled all over it, well, that's why i say borrow and not steal, borrow means you ask for permission) personally, i don't have time for this; i rather do something that benefits me...
but yeah, when you message him, keep it casual, you could just started off with "hi, i'm *creation numero une* :) i was browsing around myspace and found you attractive..." i don't know.. but yeah, don't catch him right away; he'll know it's you... instead, get close enough to have him say "i love you" and "i'm single" on your *creation umero une* myspace... then you could pretend you found other girls write stuff on his page and confront him, and if he thinks it's not you, he'll probably try to defend and make up some bullshit to make him look better... you can even use aol and msn... msn is probably the better of the two choice; since you can use msn messenger and emessenger at the same time... make sure you have a clear mind when you're replying as you don't want to make any mistake... this way it will convince him that, that creation isn't you.. and for each convo, copy and save... and make sure your creation is no more than 25% you...
that or you can find a friend to help you... and it's much easier if you have a friend that can help you, but yeah, i don't have time for this stuff...
anyways, best of luck if you decide to give it another go...
hilarious? obviously!!
I was in the same situation you were. I always had that doubt in the back of my head that my bf(well now ex-bf) was cheating or at least wasnt being completly honest with me. Anyways I found out he's MARRIED. Yea talk about a bitch slap. I'd say go with you're gut instinct cause most of the time its right.
If he's never given you a reason to think he'd cheat on you, then just try to relax about it. If he's your first boyfriend too, I'm assuming you never had anyone cheat on you before to give you the idea every guy you date will do that or something..He's with you because he cares about *you* so just trust that unless he really does give you a reason to think otherwise.
If you have no more trust for him... whats the point in continuing to date him ? If you cant let the incident go and just be happy then maybe its not worth it. But i can understand where your coming from, it does seem questionable but your just gonna have to go with your instincts on it, you know him and claim he has never lied to you so up to you really =/.
i disagree with most of the commentors. sure, doing the myspace thing is a bit immature, but i don't see why that makes you dishonest.. i think you have a reason to be untrusting of your bf, because how would he know it was you? and if he knew it was you, why would he purposely give you reason to doubt him? imo, while you should probably work on not being so insecure, that isn't the main problem (in this relationship); instead, the bigger issue is him lying about being single, and then probably pretending he knew it was you all along just to cover his tracks.
My question is if he's ever going to move back to the same town you're in or if you're going to move into his town. If not, why continue the relationship?
@la_faerie_joyeuse@xanga - I agree completely.
sly dog.
If you already had doubts then really this isn't the relationship for you.
relationships are based on trust, if you cant trust him then you have to let him go.
otherwise you'll end the relationship with your insecurities, anyways...