"Are you going to the Christmas party?" he asked and my heart skipped a beat.
I met him when I was 16, during my first part-time job. We became friends and really hit it off. He was older than me by 3 years; he had a car and finishing school - he was one of the mature older guys many of us at our age would dream about. When he asked me if I was going to the party, obviously I said yes, it would be the first time seeing each other outside of work, out of our uniforms.
We had a great time at the party; I can't remember having so much fun before. We laughed, we cried, we joked, and he drove me home. Outside my house, in the dark, he asked me out on a date. We went on a couple of dates and he officially asked me to become his girlfriend. I was SO happy, I ran up to my room and started jumping on my bed and calling my best friend. He was my first boyfriend.
We were together for a great half a year, then things started falling apart. We were living in different worlds. He was older, in his final years of high school, and his parents weren't very strict. I was in all AP classes, had multiple tutors, was very young and had very strict Asian parents (who forbid me from dating but who said they knew). He would constantly complain that I didn't give us enough time to hang out. In the heat of the moment, I suggested we should break up. At first he asked if that was really what I wanted; I said yes and he agreed. Then I went home and cried; I had made a huge mistake.
Even though it was only for half a year, I found that my room was filled with things associated with him. From gifts to pictures to anything remotely reminded me of him, I was crying myself to sleep every night. I asked myself why did I break up with him? Why didn't he try harder to stop me? I knew then that I had made the biggest mistake, but I was too stubborn and trying to protect my ego that I pretended - or rather forced myself - to forget him and continue on with my life. Another big mistake.
I'm now 20; it's been four years since we've broken up. From friends, I heard he's single now but had a girlfriend after me. After all these years, I cannot stop thinking about him. Whenever I drove past the place we used to work together, whenever I see his brand of car, whenever someone said a joke that he used to tell me, I can't stop myself. During these years, a few guys took interest in me but I can't stop comparing.
Some of my friends told me to give these guys a chance and maybe they can help me stop thinking about him. But during a movie on our date, I started to cry at a part in the movie because it reminded me of him and that freaked my date out and I quote, "you must really LOVE him" after I explained what happened. I don't know if I really do love him because I was only 16 and I probably didn't even know what love is. Plus, I was only with him for half a year, not long enough to find out if it was actually love. My best friend warned me that if I don't push him aside and move on, I may never find another guy in my life.
Now I'm scared. Do you think I'm only clinging onto the past because he was my first boyfriend? Or do you think I was actually in love? What can I do to help myself and move on?
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Comments (45)
i think that you are probably just clinging to the fact that he was your first boyfriend, and thats a title that no one else can have.
dont worry though, one day life will move on? If it's not THAT awkward, maybe talk to him or something, then you can see how much he has changed since then and that he's not the same person anymore and that might help you move on?
hey sweetie, i do understand how u feel right now..When i read your post here, i am actually having the same problem like yours.. i cant forget about my past... my first love..no matter how hard i tried.. somehow fails. We just need to try harder to leave the past behind us.. in order to move forward...which im now trying to do...
Sometimes yes, sometimes no. My first girlfriend and I were together
for over a year, and although I don't have the "obsession" over her,
it's more memories of when we were together and quite happy. She was
my first, and to this day, my longest-lasting girlfriend. We've both
moved on, I've fallen in and out of love since then, but that
relationship is so far still my favorite of all of them (I'm currently
in my 11th.)
If you still can contact him, I think it may be a good idea to tell him what's been going through your head. It's possible that he is going through the same things, and you two could possibly get back together, older, more mature. Or perhaps he'll say he has moved on, in which case it could help give closure to a relationship you regret ending. Either way, I think it'll help you deal with this matter if you talk to him about it. You may end up anywhere from acquaintances to good friends to being boyfriend/girlfriend again.
Best of luck!
Well, seems like you've always regretted that you two broke up. You obviously view it as a mistake. Whether you were in love or not, I cannot say, though I figure you did have strong feelings for him. So maybe you're just hanging onto it because you regret it. When you hear that he's single, you probably want to try again. It could be something in this ballpark.
Here's the deal: You've got to live your life. So either you get back in touch with him and try to get him to go back out with you, or you move on without that.
why dont you try and call him and see what he's been up to? Maybe you both can still be friends? and that would give you a chance to get some closure from him.
Ha, my first love and I don't even talk. Because he thinks I stalk him and still am madly in love with him (although I've had two serious relationships since him).
If you can, I would try and talk to him. People change, and he will probably be open to talking.
I think you're clinging to him for a couple reasons...
1.) There really was no closure. You were left feeling like you had made the biggest mistake of your life, and that's it--nothing else to it. It wasn't correct in your opinion then, and to this day it still doesn't seem like you've been given any reason to believe it was the correct choice.
2.) Maybe you do/did love him. Yes you were young, but that doesn't negate the fact that you might have truly been experiencing love.
Now I think it all boils down to these options in order for you to move forward...
1.) Accept that it's a lost love, and that it happened so that you might learn from it. Try dating one or a few of these other guys that have taken an interest in you and form new memories with them (maybe even rid yourself of all the old tangible memories you have of your first boyfriend).
2.) This might be dangerous and could very easily turn into a worse situation for you... but if I were you, I would consider it... -- Call him. Just see where he stands/stood. That could bring you closure and happiness. It could open doors while closing others. It could be completely necessary, or it could be completely stupid.
I hope any of that helped... I would really love to know how things go! Good luck, love.
it's always hard to get over your first love.
try to move on, honey :)
Probably just that lingering first love. I fell in love 8 years ago. Occasionally I do think of her, it's just not the same anymore, I grew up and out of it. She was great, but didn't love me.
With time you'll get over it.
I too didn't date for 3-4 years after her.
It could be both--maybe you really did/do love him, and you're still clinging to the past because he was your first love and meant a lot to you. I know how that feels. But you have to convince yourself to move on, and that it's possible to find someone else. If you feel the need to talk to him and see what he's up to, then do that.
I think its mainly because you haven't recieved closure with that guy. He didn't know how you really felt. If you could you should tell him how you feel figure out what happened. You never know you may have another chance at him.
Come and Check me out
I've heard that it's always the hardest to forget your first love. No matter what, he/she will always be a part of you. Don't think of the negative. Think of how your relationship helped you better yourself as a person. Maybe it made you more mature or more cautious in life.
Hopefully time will heal your heart and help you move on. (:
I dont know.. I havent seen my first boyfriend from when i was thirteen that i dated til sixteen til just three months ago im now twenty two and we are together again and i couldnt be happier i cant believe things ever fell apart.
i agree with the others, people do say that you never forget your first love whether the relationship was good or not. if you really want to try again, do so, but let me tell you, it's not always good the second time around. i've been there and it's always harder the second time.
It is hard to tell from an outside perspective. The conclusion I came to with my first girlfriend is that she was more intrested in another. Although my feelings were strong for her, the feeling was not mutual. His comments about not having enough time to spend with each other might just have been an excuse for him having other feelings. My point is this, your first love is strong especially when you've waited so long for it but if the one you are with don't feel the same your time could be well wasted. I hope I am wrong about him for your sake but more often than not I've found this is the case.You should contact him though to see where he stands on the issue.
you should contact him and see what hes like now, maybe that will help closure on the problem. and i think that you will always have feeling for your first proper boyfriend, its like you'll always remember your first pet, or the first time you do something. it's like a big step..
if that makes any sense, aha it does to me. <3
i think you should call him and just talk to him, tell him everything you feel. if he's still interested, hit it off again, and see how that goes.
he's probably moved on.
i think you should too ♥
Over time you've probably idolised him, you forget his flaws and he becomes the 'perfect guy'. I only know this because I've done this with a past guy, and I have to constantly remind myself that we were both young and have both changed.
life's hard.
give yourself more time
Haha! You sound like me (well.. kinda.)
- first boyfriend was 3 years older
- I was an ultra nerd (AP classes) ;)
- strict Asian parents (too common)
- tried to forget about him, but there's always lingering thoughts
Although, it's not possible to forget the memories, the cherished moments with him... you can definitely move on. You've lived a successful life up until now, haven't you? And you did it without him.
It's fun looking back at the past, but there's no reason to try to re-live it. Just remember, there's always someone better. Make sure to smile at all times... cause you never know who's going to fall in love with it next. (Yes, corny.. I know) BUT, to sum it up. It doesn't hurt to try :)
"But during a movie on our date, I started to cry at a part in the movie because it reminded me of him and that freaked my date out and I quote, "you must really LOVE him" after I explained what happened."
I had the same experience...and it does make me wonder if I had really strong feelings for this person. UmI I'd say why not get in touch don't get your hopes up or anything or imagine all this stuff. Justcheck in and see how reality is, with him and you. You never know.
But also if it is just a fantasty get ready to quickly put it aside for good, and not cling to this forever. Sometimes we can never be lucky again in love unless we let go of the past and start clean.
I think the issue a lot of the time is closure...it's closure...the lack of it...that kills us and leaves us wondering.