Friday, 12 June 2009
-
I Don't Want Him to Think I'm Being Clingy
I'm crazy about my boyfriend, and he is crazy about me too (so he says). He is one of the nicest people I have ever met. But I'm having troubles communicating. This may sound really stupid, actually...it is really stupid, but here I go...sharing my stupidity with you Xangans...I get scared to call him or ask him to hang out. With previous relationships, the guys I have been with have been a bit clingy...always wanting to hang out and nagging me and whatnot. So this leads to reason one of why I'm scared to ask him to hang out. I don't want to seem needy and clingy....reason number two for my fear? My last boyfriend a lot of times told me how so many of the things I was passionate about, or thought were interesting, were actually "so stupid" and "pointless".
My family tells me to invite him to stuff that I like, like the farmers market (which I feel he would enjoy) but I always feel like he's gonna reject my opinions...what makes this even more ridiculous is that he goes to college in another state, and I only seem him during breaks and special occasions... so I know he values the time we do have together...
My mom and sister know I don't like to call him & ask him stuff... the only thing they tell me is to "get over it".
I have even told him this, and he tells me I'm ridiculous for thinking he wouldn't want to see me.
So...I don't want to hear about how this is a stupid problem, because I know it is! and I don't want to hear "just call him" because...well I know that too. I just want to know if anyone else ever feels like they are being too clingy...and if anyone knows how to get over this tiny problem.
-
recommend
- recs 0
-
share
-
email
- sent 0
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: anonymish
- About Me: This post was submitted by a Datingish reader who wanted to remain anonymous. You can submit your own anonymous post at www.datingish.com/submit-post - just make sure you let us know you wouldn't like to have your username displayed!
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 4 185 Views: 10936 640079 Comments: 316 13196 View all posts by anonymish
Comments (28)
Best way to not be a clingy girlfriend: don't be a clingy girlfriend.
Im the exact same way. I over-analyze what I do concerning any SO's. I think that's what usually freaks them out. lol
I have the same problem and don't know how to tell you to get over it. I do know though, that what I sometimes see as giving him space is perceived as indifference by him. You shouldn't assume someone will have a certain reaction based on what how the previous boyfriend reacted. That's not fair to him.
Being honest and open is the best way to deal with this. If you guys can communicate openly and if you start to get clingy or if he starts to feel suffocated, I'm sure he'll let you know. You'll never know how he feels or what he wants unless you've tried. Plus if you can't be YOU around him, then maybe you guys aren't compatible together. A relationship is a two way street, one shouldn't feel "uncomfortable" when they're with someone; otherwise that defeats the whole purpose of being in a relationship. Good Luck.
I've been there so I will be the last person to tell you to get over it. My ex and I had different opinions, which is totally fine by me, but he would put me down for thinking differently than he did or tell me I make bad decisions.
If he says he's crazy about you then he wouldn't mind if you called him to hang out. Don't feel bad if he has to turn you down. He might be busy with other stuff.
Good luck
You just need to understand that a guy who truly loves you will want to do things with you JUST to spend time with you. I had been there too...I didn't want to bother my bf (or have him feel that I'm clingy) because he's Mr. Busy. But whenever I called him, he was always pleasantly surprised. I used to just ask him, "am I too clingy?" and he would reply, "nope, just the right amount of clinginess, just the way I like it." and there were times when I'd purposedly suggest doing something that he definitely wouldn't be interested in (like watching a chick flick) just to see his reaction. Most of the outcome is positive. Just yesterday I told him that there is an open house at this one school that I want to go to, which would be informative for me but probably very boring for him, and he even has to take off work to go. But before I could even ask whether he would be interested in going with me, he said, "I would love to see the school myself. Let me try to work something out okay?"
So the point is, I think it's normal to be insecure, but trust me, if he cares about you, he'd only appreciate it if you ask him to join you in some activities even though outsiders might think it's a torture or a very mundane task.
umm i never really asked my bf out.... i just go meet him at his house. he's been the one who has been asking me out so i really dun have to ask him out. ill just say i wanna see you on phone or txt msg (which i dun think its clingy).
I was the exact same way for a long, long time. You just have to learn to be confident. Even if he doesn't necessarily want to do what you suggest, that doesn't mean he thinks you suck as a person. And if the time you have together is so valuable, he should be willing to go to a couple events that YOU want to go to, even if it's not his #1 idea of fun, just to be able to be with you.
As my brother put it when I voiced to him my concerns: "Dude, you're his girlfriend. Don't you have a right to want to spend time with him?" Put it that way, the answer is pretty clear: Yes.
I also think i'm being too clingy with my SO. He says it doesn't bother him, and I know he loves me just as much, but considering, with past boyfriends, I don't deal too well with clingy, i'm scared that he'll push me away because I am too clingy.
I don't know how to change this really, because the longer we are apart the more clingy I want to be, and probably end up being. But as long as he understands that I have irrational fears, i guess it's okay.
yeah, I've thought about that a lot. Pretty much, you just have to do your best to forget about it, but remember... he's DIFFERENT from your previous boyfriend. I mean, don't you think he's BETTER? As long as you guys communicate, he'll understand that you're not trying to be clingy, and if he doesn't want to hang out, he doesn't have to. (sorry this might be hard to understand)
definitely been there...i'm always scared to do stuff like that too. i want them to ask me to hang out.
truth be told...i'd probably say yes every time he wanted to hang out...or stay on the phone for hours if he called...because i knew i wanted to...
but i didn't want to "bother" him by doing that stuff...
definitely know where you're coming from.
omg...i guess if that's your definition of clingy then i must be super clingy. when i'm in a relationship and even if it's not soo new, i text and talk on the phone all the time to this person when we're apart and then when we're together, always hanging out together at each other's place. if you really want your relationship to work out then you need to communicate to each other. one thing that i found that my relationships fail is because after a while, the communication stops and that's when things start to fall apart and you start to do your own things.
Making a post on the intarwebs about being afraid of being clingy throws up a few red flags, to be honest. But that's okay. :)
Your mom and sister are right. Get over it! :D If he doesn't like it, he'll tell you. And if he doesn't like YOU, well...what're you doing in a relationship with this guy? XD
You can't be afraid of chilling with him (or any other guy) the rest of your life. Especially if you ever want to move in with someone or get married (or both). Silly, I know, but communication is key in good relationships. :D
Good luck!
i guess because of your previous relationships, it question your judgment. but honestly, i you want to hang out with him and call him, then do it. stop stopping yourself. and bringing him to places like farmer's market, if he really like you, then he would do it, and enjoy it and all. so just be yourself. relax and you gotta try to be more comfortable with him
lol i am exactly like this too. but you know that if he truly loves you, he will come. you really shouldnt tolerate if someone thinks your opinions or habits are "stupid" - to me, at least, the little things REALLY DO MATTER.
but i've also kinda gotten over it - my bf and i have been best friends for about 6 years and have been dating for one - he even accompanied me to my little cousin's 6th grade play, in which she played a brief ensemble part (it was awful, but he came, to see me and - well he was good at acting like he enjoyed it, anyway lol)
so. i think its all worth it if they're willing to be there with you.
inviting someone out is not clingy. doing only what he says to do might be. you do your thing, if he wants to come give him the chance by inviting him! clingy is when the person never invites you, waits for you to plan everything and drops everything they have to do what you do, and is happy to just follow you around. boring. sounds like you are the opposite of that, you have your interests and are happy to share them
and what idiot told you your passions are pointless? NO passions are pointless. it's one of the only thing that makes us unique and if someone doesn't have a passion, i find them pointless.
so go ahead, be confident in asking, and still confident if he says no. that's a person who is not clingy but fun to be around.
Thank goodness i'm not the only one! The guy I recently dated, honestly this was the biggest issue with us. I wasn't willing to open up with him about everything, and I wasn't willing to initiate a lot of things, becuase I was afraid of coming off clingy. I've realized I need a clingy guy so I"m not the one being clingy because I can then be free to ask them to do things, tell them crazy things on my mind, and just be me. But when I'm worried bout clinging too much I hide too much of me.
Thing is.. if it comes naturally to want to have him do things with you, or if it's natural for you to call someone to just talk, etc. Then you need to do it with him too. If it comes off as too much tone it down, but don't forget it all together.. you DO NOT want to end a relationship over it.
dont think so much, just do. usually when i think too much about these kinds of things, i feel silly later, because its not that big of a deal.
I'm actually the exact same way. As for how to get around it.. I guess you've just got to go out of your typical thing and see how it works out.
You're dating him. You are his girlfriend. It's perfectly fine to call him up to ask him how he is or if he wants to hang out. If you're worried about being clingy, then maybe approach him once ... and then twice ... and then more often until he sees the picture that you want to spend time with him. Maybe he's a bit wary of the issue, too.
Either way, be sure to talk to him about it!
like some of the people who posted above, I always put toooo much thought around my actions when i'm texting/calling/talking to my guy friend. relax and don't second guess yourself. if it's always you contacting him, you might want to see if he would contact you first. lay off calling him for a few days, see if he'll contact you.
i just ate a cold double cheesebuger, and the after taste left in my mouth is dish washing liquid. wtfffffffffff.
):
you will never know till you try
hey, i almost broke up wit my bf yesterday due to my clingy behaviour.. if u really wana b with him.. stop being clingy!
I'm not going to say "just get over it", because I don't really think it's possible to do that in a blink. However, the most important thing to remember in your situation is that this guy is NOT YOUR EX(ES). Do not treat him as if he were, and do not expect him to treat you the way they did. You broke up with them for a reason, and you are with him for a reason. If you want to talk to him, call him. If you want to see him, make it happen. If he didn't want to be with you, he wouldn't.