Thursday, 11 June 2009
-
Dear Dr. Datingish: Will He Decide He Misses Me?
I was dumped about two days ago from a relationship that lasted four months. At the beginning it was long distance but I ended up moving to the same city as him to try to find work. I have been living here for a month before he dumped me.
We went to a concert and then he took me home. While dropping me off he said he was breaking up with me. He said he wants to see if he will miss me and needs to break up with me to see. He told me I am really different from everyone he knows and has dated. He also said that it hurt him to do it and he thinks it is best because he didn't see me in his future at the moment.
He wanted to remain friends and said there is a chance we could get together again and it would serve him right if I had moved on. He really stressed he didn't want me to hate him. I was angry during this and he looked upset at how mad and hurt I was. He came back the next day to return to me one of the things I asked to have back.
He still wanted to be friends and said he just needs time to think about how he feels, but he still looked upset and made it sound like there was a better chance of us getting back together. He told me I was beautiful and left.I ended up calling him that night and saying I would be friends with him and let him make up his mind. He said he was happy and sounded a little relieved.
I just want to know if it seems like there is any chance of him wanting me back or if I should give up and move on? I don't want to move on because how he said everything it sounds like a break up he doesn't believe in breaks.
help.
-
recommend
- recs 1
-
share
-
email
- sent 0
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (34)
i think that he really does care for you. seems to me like he isnt throwing the possibility of getting back together.
i wish i could tell you =/
kinda going through something not as intense, but similar.
@laurenmaureen@xanga - Agreed, same here. Not as intense but similar. It sucks doesnt it lol.
@Dustin_wind@xanga - ha oh yes it does
Best thing to do is move on. Serves him right if he doesnt make up his mind fast enough and you moved on. you shouldnt wait around for anybody.
sounds like you two have a good shot
He probably just needs some time to himself to sort things through in his head, be it take a long walk in the woods by himself or something. He does care I'm sure, and it's possible he may want to get back together. Might want to go through the motions of "breaking up" and see if he does start to miss you. Just wait it out.
Asking you to wait so he can run this "test" to see if he'll miss you or not is an asshole move. Whether or not you have a 'chance' of staying together, you should ask yourself if this is the guy you really want to be with. This guy who will ask to be "just friends" and break your heart, just so he can do this stupid experiment about his feelings?
He also blatantly said he doesn't see you in his future. It's obviously your choice in the long run, but I don't think I could wait around long enough for any man to see if he would make up his mind. You deserve better.
yeah, i think he really cares for u, tho it kinda sucks that he had to break up with u just to see if he'll miss you. BUT he sounds really concerned anyway because he kept insisting to be friends with u. my advice, let him miss you. don't call as much as u would want to and stuff like that. hope everything works out for you!
@laurenmaureen@xanga - Lol. Yay us! :) hahaha
you are too nice for this guy. move to be with him? why couldn't he do that for you?..and after that major contribution on your part, he dumps you with that lame excuse? it's not just fair.
no offense, but if i were you, i'd pack up my bags and slam the door. staying friends is just lame, it's like put yourself in his control, whether he will choose to ask you back or not. Don't let a man walk all over you, you can do better and you deserve better. trust me, when a guy really wants a girl, he will do whatever it takes to get her back.
He's indecisive and doesn't know what he wants. Don't waste your time. Move on.
He had to BREAK it off to see if he'll miss you? What is this, a testing of "if you love someone and you let him/her go, but if they come back, they're yours to keep?" That is a big load of crap. You moved to a diff. city to make it work!! Couldn't he have tested this theory in a LONG DI situation rather than cut you off like this? holycow, you're too nice!! Unless you have something else keeping you in that new location, go back home, be where you're happy. Don't let some kid jerk you around...
for now. just live your life. take it as it comes. if he comes back, great. if he doesn't, there will be other guys better than him.
they say if you love someone, you have to let them go and if it comes back to you then it was meant to be. i don't know what kind of advice to give to you, went through something like that about a month ago and even though it still hurts, i've realized that sometimes letting go is best thing after all.
could go either way. It sounds like it's an issue he's working out.
I say move on.
My ex told me that.. then I found out he only told me that so I wouldn't move on... only wait for him... while he "found" himself with some other girl.
screw that... if he really cares for you the way he says he does then he shouldn't leave you so he can "miss" you.
Find someone better than that, someone who will actually know how beautiful you really are and hold on to you and never let go.
Why did he allow a relationship ship to be build if he couldn't picture
you in his future in the first place?. Some people like to make love a
such confusing feeling. He may care for you like everyone says but what
kind of care?, the care that i love one give to that special someone?
or the care that a friend deserves?. This is what i think not saying is
true but this is the way i picture it' and if people want to judge me
for it all i will say is that, everyone is entitle to there own
opinion. I think he may be using you as his plan B., in case plan A.
fails he will come back say that he miss you and wants to be with you.
But what if plan A. works out?... he will be your friend until sometime
in the future his plan A. fails... then is back to plan B., You should
move it will be hard to do but is something you must do. But if you are
deeply in love "like me"with someone who is unsure to love you back the
way you want them to, is just gonna make it worst on your self...
Well honestly, the bitter part of me wants to say that he probably already has a girl lined up that's not you. It's probably someone he was already interested in but never quite took that step with. Or maybe it's someone he was with simultaneously and is now having to "choose." Either way, he's not totally ready to cut you too loose just yet, just wants to keep you around while giving you the false hope that maybe he'll want you back if he misses you enough. If that's the case, it's pretty much just him wanting to try things out with another girl to see if they work out while he keeps you on the backburner. He makes you have hope in a relationship, keeps you clinging to him (despite the fact that he tells you to move on).
But as I said, that's the bitter part of me, even though guys are definitely guilty of this. It's been done to me twice by different guys. Maybe not the exact same way, but very similar. That whole "Oh I can't be with you right now because of this needing to be worked out" or whatever else. Then like a day or two later, there's this other girl on his arm. Don't let your own feelings about him cloud your judgment. Hopefully he's not like those jerks out there who just yank your chain without ever really wanting to be with you. I'd take his advice seriously, though, and move on. I hate when guys play games. Good luck.
he broke up with you .. to see if he misses you ?! wtfff.
you deserve more than that.
he isn't worth waiting for if he doesn't know what he wants.
find someone who can see you in their future.
good luck <3.
I find this kind of.. comparable to bullshit. Break up with you, to see if he misses you? I don't see exactly what good that would do. Especially after you move to be with him. I don't know though.
My opinion is that you shouldn't put yourself on hold to wait on him. If in the meantime you find someone else, as he said, it would serve him right. If not, try it again so he can test it out after you get married to see if he misses you.
just move on makes them want you more.
@xXsammiedollXx@xanga - Happened to me too, and I'm 100% sure that is what's happening here. Good advice!
Sweetie, don't take him back. Yes, he is giving you such good reasons of why yo're beautiful and very different from everyone in his life. If a man truly loves you, he will NOT leave you. My recent ex say the same things to me while he has a new girlfriend. Why? So that I will be that back up girl for him and not allowing me to move on? A guy's actions speak louder than words. Don't buy what he is saying. He should be missing you even when you guys are in a relationship when he doesn't see for a day. He clearly said, he doesn't see you in the future. You do sound like a very simple girl who just wants someone to love and care for you. There's nothing wrong with that. Don't dwell on his words and please, find someone who truly cares and loves you. You did too much as a girl for him already and yet this is how he treats you. He doesn't appreciate what you did...Sorry but it's the truth. Feel better sweetie, and I will pray for you.
He either likes you or he doesn't. Sounds a lil suspicious.
But anyway I would tell you to move on anyway. What rewards will you get if you don't move on? Miss him so? Feel depressed? What if he never comes back? It's always bad at that moment to break up with someone, he may not feel the same a week from now when he's supposed to be missing you but is not.