About a month ago, I took a bus ride from DC to NYC, on my way back home from college. During the roughly five and a half hour ride, I met a lovely girl named Valerie, and we really hit it off. We spoke together throughout the ride, sharing embarrassing stories and revealing intimate details about ourselves. Although she Facebooked me, I have not heard a word from Valerie since that day, despite my various attempts to contact her.
This is not the first time I have connected with a girl on a long bus ride, only to never speak to her again, nor do I expect it to be the last. Because these socially intimate encounters never lead to anything, I have dubbed them "Social One Night Stands".
There are various reasons why this happens frequently to me, though unfortunately, I do not know if there is a way to make these serendipitous instances something more.
Much in the same way that someone might be more comfortable having sex with a stranger than someone they know (since they'll never see that person again), so seems to be the case with Social One-Nighters. You and she are inclined to speak to one another to kill the time, but also are not afraid of speaking openly or candidly about yourselves since you enter the conversation under the impression that you will never see this person again, so you have nothing to hide.
You gush out things to this person that you probably wouldn't tell your closest friends, and the irony of it is, you never hear back from the individual, so it is almost as though she never existed. Assuming you didn't get the individual's contact info, you probably forget the name she gave you or what she even looked like, only vaguely remembering the encounter.
I have been unable to manifest anything meaningful out of these situations, but what about you? Ladies, do you ever have the same experience? Does anyone ever make a long-term relationship outta these things or a friendship of some sort? It's clear that I haven't had the best of luck, but I wanna get a greater scope from others on this topic.
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Comments (22)
Oh, you know that "everything" talk? Where both people randomly discuss their entire lives with each other a few or several hours? That happens so much. Most of the time, it's with strangers because it's comforting knowing I'll never have to see them again or have them influence my life in any way with all their knowledge about me.
I like these encounters. Sometimes it's refreshing to open up and not have to deal with the consequences of trusting someone. And the friendliness of it all beckons a repeat instance should you ever bump into each other again. I think it's win-win.
@nexthorizon@xanga - IT'S SOMETIMES EASIER TO TALK TO STRANGERS..
than your own friends.
I could never see myself sharing my life or important things with a complete stranger.....weird if u ask me.
Yeah, it's happened to me too. I guess it's all about the level of openness that people have as to whether or not they want to continue the acquaintanceship.
There's nothing that you can really do about it, though, and to force it is to come across like a stalker or a creep.
Just enjoy it for the time spent, and don't dwell on it too much. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.
Interesting post and observation though!
during those couple of hours, i scope out the person and really analyze them if they make the cut in my circle of trusted people. most of the time i decide they're not worth the effort and never return their calls and forget their names, but thats because i find some sort of flaw in them that i'm not willing to deal with.
my current boyfriend i met on the spur. we both opened ourselves up to each other enourmously and... things just worked out.
its a big world. i kinda sort out which fish is the right type for me when i go-fish. i'm picky. but thats just me.
dude, next time get her number.
@immaairheadxl@xanga - and this is one of many reasons why xanga is wonderful =)
Are they even your friends then if you think they will judge you?
I'm nicer to strangers than I am to friends. Strangers don't care while a friend would be a bit more opinionated and give you better advice imo.
You don't hate strangers because you don't have reasons to hate them(aside from maybe predisposed Stereotypes but that's another story). You friends get on your nerves because you know them. Better to have a love and hate relationship rather than one that lingers in purgatory.
But of course maybe that's not the whole point of this topic in the first place lol. night.
Kind of reminds me of the movie Before Sunrise
Hmm bus ride, that only works in "It Happened One Night"
@StabbedPillow@xanga -
maybe that's not the point, but it is a good point, about the love/hate over purgatory friendship. I prefer to piss my friends off and be me, rather than stew in resentments...My best friends, that have lasted, are the ones who know me in all moods, and who also are open to my opinions and criticisms as well as love. I miss a lot of other friends, but let's face it they were "fairweather friends' and when the parties, drinks, chit chat, coffee, or gossip wore away they were just a lot of fake flatteries that didn't make me a stronger person, or help me see and know myself. Another boyfriend I had was to me my best friend. He told it straight, ALL THE TIME, to the point of hurting me with his words and judgements. There is a necessary balance. Some sacharine in the 'hate' and some sour in the 'love', but yet no purgatory, no limbo...I am saying way too much, I'll stop there!Just count the experience as a social "one night stand!"
it is definitely easier to talk to stranger. and well sometimes when you have those moments, you're having this "perfect intimate talk with a stranger" and sometimes people want to keep it tha way. they don't want it to be ruined by other things when they know more about the person.
a portuguish proverb says "you can tell your life's story to your best friend or to a stranger"...
Yep seriously i would get her number but at times u know these things are based on utility, u enjoyed her company and vice versa.
Hmmm... I've probably had social ONS, but none that come to mind immediately. I do, however, have a friend who I talk to every once in a while. We met over the internet, and found out we were in similar situations in our love lives and bonded over that. He gives me the guy's perspective when I need one, and I return the favour. And, it works because we're just two strangers who get each other and can offer a listening ear and some advice. That being said, my interaction with him is very irregular. Sometimes, I'll talk to him for weeks in a row; others, I won't talk to him for months. And, after these gaps, when I do message him to talk or ask something, he always replies and gives me the time, no questions asked. And, that's what I appreciate the most about him - there are no obligations, but there are the benefits of a friendship, albeit unconventional.
i love talking to strangers! some just don't realize how many interesting people they're missing out on when they keep their mouths shut
Fight Club (both book and movie) dubbed these "Single Serving Friends"
I've had one when I was in Korea 5 years ago. I didn't have a lot of people to hang out with and when I had visited an old palace in the heart of Seoul, I've met this Austrian stock broker from Seattle. He asked me for the time in slow English and when I responded with a laugh and fluency, we hit it off. We explored the palace, took pictures for other tourists and shared the reasons why we were there, at that time, while we walked around the buildings. Dinner time rolled on by and he gave me his business card saying "Seattle isn't far from Vancouver." He asked me for dinner, telling me that he's flying back in the afternoon the next day, and instead of following that voice in my head "do it!!" I declined. I don't know, the idea of having dinner with a stranger; albeit he was in a super nice suit and was awfully cute, I didn't feel right. I don't know *shrug*.
I think when you try to move the 'encounter' beyond that original setting, the dynamics change, and people like me talk themselves out of anything that COULD happen. Your bus-girl might have the similar theory. You could have been another stranger she had a great conversation with on the bus. You don't know each other's habits, bad behavior or friends. It's just random, casual and that's it. When you change the dynamics, it's not in anyone's control except the person wishing to change the setting. I think that's why I backed out of dinner and why Valerie didn't act to stay in touch with you.
did you post on craigslist? hahaha. i wouldnt share my whole life story with a stranger on a bus but if its your cup of tea, why not.
this similar situation happened to me about a month ago while i was traveling back home for my sister's wedding. i met a guy on the plane and we talked for hours on the plane ride. i couldn't believe that i was talking to a stranger about my personal life. we got to know each other pretty well and when we departed ways at the airport, we exchanged phone numbers and email, but i didn't call him or email him because i didn't think of it that way. three weeks flew by and i received an email from him and it was nice and short and i was completely honest with him when i responded back to him that i just didn't know really what to expect from it because i didn't want him to think of it the wrong way. may be she'll call, may be won't but may be it was just meant to be for that one time.