Miss Walrus
So my worst nightmare came true last week: I got (semi) dressed up, put on my favorite (..er, only) pair of high heels and went to the only bar in my college town I consider worth my time to meet some friends.
As soon as I walked in the door, I was greeted by a group of hugs from the guys I was meeting. My one guy friend in particular hugged me a little harder than usual. "HE's here," he whispered. "With HER."
My heart sank. The he and she he was talking about? My ex and his new girl. In the same, unusually empty bar. Sitting at the same table as the friends I was meeting.
I could feel my face growing red and hot. My palms were sweating. My heart was racing, thumping in my chest. I had an almost uncontrollable urge to flee the scene.
Not only was this the first time I was seeing my ex after an intense pregnancy scare (but that's another post for another day), he was also there with his new girlfriend. Talk about coming face-to-face with your demons, right?
Instead, I asked some of my friends to follow me to the other corner of the bar where I took deep breaths and tried to sip - not chug - the cup in my hand.
I didn't know what to do. Stand in the corner all night with our mutual guy friends hovering around me like overprotective older brothers - or make an attempt to join the table - and the conversation - while watching the new girl suck my ex-boy's face?
I opted to stand in the corner and leave the bar early. Needless to say, ex- boy never even once said "Hello." I think he might've looked longingly in my direction once or twice, but that might just be wishful thinking.
Have any of you ever had an awkward run-in with the ex & his new flame? What's the etiquette for meeting your ex's new girl - when the two of you never really said goodbye? How do you keep your composure in this kind of situation?
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Comments (28)
i laugh. because i'm the best he'll ever have :)
hmm i would go and say hi and act cool and go back early...
I've never been in the situation, but I think if it happened to me, that would be a fuel for confidence, or at least encourage me to fake confidence. There's no way I'd want any insecurities, vulnerability, or regret to show on my face in front of an ex and his new SO. I'd try to act as normal as possible. But if I REALLY didn't want to be around, I'd just go home and not look back.
Yeah, it was awkward, but I decided to greet her. I confronted my ex (actually, she was just a girl I had dated), and I said hello to her and shook hands with her date/boyfriend. Made small talk, then went on with my life.
I think she was nervous and her date/boyfriend was intimidated. I gave off the, "I'm awesome" vibe. =P
wow that must have killed u to see the two together. honestly i thnk u did a good job with this whole situation. i myself have never been in this situation so i dont have a story to tell but IF this ever happened to me i think i would have felt a lil weird but wuldnt have deared showed it. i would have kept it cool and set at the table and looked right passed them as if they didnt even exsist that night and conituned on laughing and drinking and dancing and just bugging out with my friends (im really good for that). but anyways sorry you had to go thru that...hopefully that wont happen again ::sigh::
Just show him that whoever or whatever he has by his side don't intimidate you and shrug it off. That's how I do it. Plus, things ended for a reason. No need to show them your weakness just so they can glow over it.
Amen to everyone's reply! They're right. Feeling flustered and awkward is totally normal when confronting an ex with his/her new person. BUT... yeah, you shouldn't reveal your vulnerability and discomfort to them, especially to your ex! However you two broke it off is your guys' business, but regardless of what happened, don't be weird in front of him, otherwise you'll look like the loser in the end. HE will win and you don't deserve that. Like fLiPgUy31O@xanga said, be confident and show that you're better than BOTH.
Btw, geez, they're rude!
yeah i guess. been there done that. i woulda done the same thing, though i wish i could have just stayed and not care about him. =T
I mean, as far as I see it, we didn't make a great couple because he treated me like shit while I didn't treat him like shit. I hate people who think they're better than everyone because they don't have sex, drink, smoke, do drugs, etc, but it's usually an easy cheap shot when comparing myself to any of his girls since I don't really do that. Usually a succinct, insulting, yet true nickname makes me feel instantly better. Pothead slut, cokewhore, etc. whatever best fits the girl. If she's less intelligent than me, that also makes for an easier nickname.
@fLiPgUy31O@xanga - Nice idea. and if you wish them a good life and are happy about it, it shows your ex that you're happy without him/her, too...
I ran into my ex and his new girl on 2 occasions. Once was at the supermarket and another was on the bus. Both times we pretended we didn't see each other. Both times I whipped out my cell phone and called a friend so I would look busy. It was very awkward. =/
@gatorgirl54@xanga - Yup. As long as you're happy without your ex, there should be no problem with confronting him/her. =D
I'd be like you. FLEE THE SCENE!
when you find out the answers, fill me in because i'd like to know, too hahah
Oh man, I'd want to leave so bad. I'd be terribly snappy the rest of the night...and it'd probably make me angrier with my ex.
whenever I'd see an ex after a breakup I always just tried to act cool and talk to him, tried to keep my sense of humor and such so maybe they'd realize they fucked up =P
i would do nothing, either pretend hes not there or just say hi if he initiates first.. otherwise its not like your alone sitting there drinking tequila shots! :p
my ex and i never got around to that situation. i'm shamelessly the jealous type. i tracked ther girl down. and it came as a surprise to find out that by the end of the meeting with her i actually found myself liking her personality and seeing why my ex would like her (besides the fact that she is soo very similar to me in soo many ways).
anyway, we became good friends behind his back.
don't let him run you out! he doesn't own the bar! :) next time, if you'd like, walk up cooly and introduce yourself. if things ended badly, he was a jerk and you'd just rather not, just totally ignore that they're there.
hmm. I'm not an ex, so I guess I really don't know how to act in front of an ex& his new gf... but my boyfriend's ex is really nice, so I'm friends with her :) At first, I was all freaking out because I thought she probably hated me (which she didn't- she just felt uncomfortable). The hard part was that one of my bestest friends was friends with her, so when it was the three of us.... it was pretty awkward at the beginning.
I've had an awkward run-in with my ex because we had common friends (and we never had any animosity between us), it just that he was my first bf and it was just too damn awkward! I never really opened up to him, never got past the crush stage, but I think it was for the best. Grade 8 ended and I moved from the area, and I haven't talked to him since.
I think if - god forbid - I ever broke up with my current bf, I don't think I could handle a run-in with him and some other girl; it would just hurt too much. I hope you're okay, and the ex doesn't seem worth so much trouble if he bailed on you because of a pregnancy scare.
I'd flee. I dated a coworker once and completely fell for her and she broke my heart. The next 4 months I tried everything I could think of to make it easier on myself and probably the best thing was avoiding her. We tried being friends but that just made me want her back more. We tried ignoring each other while still being around each other which just made me jealous of every guy she flirted with even if I knew the flirtation meant nothing. Then she did me a favor and just avoided me and I avoided her. It still sucked but it was the least painful path.
squeeze her tits & run.
I have and it SUCKED. I did the same thing as you expect I was in a mall and kind of just fast walked into the nearest store. But, he saw me and came to say hi, with her. It was so awkward that it hurt haha.
Not a fun experience!
'@gatorgirl54@xanga - lmao I did that too (: I'm too scared to say it on here cause with my luck she'll see this and know it's about her and I'll feel bad hahahaha
But yeah it's great to be like oh look there's *funny name about the new girl here*! & your friends know exactly what your talking about hahaa