Wednesday, 10 June 2009

  • Signed, Your Ex.

    And it was in that time, that I came to him brokenhearted with expectations for him to fix it. It never occurred to me that he couldn't fix my heart. It never occurred to me that he no longer wanted any part of my heart. I just assumed he would as he has so many other times. Looking back, I realize it was ridiculous to think that. So I'll tell him a story and let him make what he makes of it.

    Dear Ex,
    Years ago, I felt myself in love with you. I thought, "Surely this must be love. He makes me laugh and feel good inside. His very voice gives me tingles and makes me tremble. I just have to tell him because I can't be the only one who feels this way." And when I finally told you that I loved you, you wouldn't repeat it back to me. "I've been hurt too many times," you said. So I let it go because I believed that you weren't ready but when you felt it, really felt it, you would say it as well. Some time passed and sure enough, you said those three precious words. "I love you." And my heart soared; I felt as if I was a on a cloud, untouchable.

    We went on in happiness, I thought, for almost six months. Though we rarely saw each other, we talked every single day for hours on end. I assumed it was enough and I assumed you were happy with the relationship, but as so often before, I assumed too much. And all too soon, our relationship came to a close in which hurt was done to both sides. I feel as though I must apologize for I truly believed I loved you but you hurt me, you see. I trusted you and for once, in a long time, I was happy and carefree but in the blink of an eye, it was gone and it seemed to me that you were to blame. I was starting to love myself, flaws and all, and I think you had something to do with that.

    At first, I was confused as to if I really wanted to leave you behind and move on. After a while, I just stopped thinking about it though I never actually answered the question. Two years; that's what I gave Bella's dad and that's time I used to try and forget you. You didn't let it happen though and for that, in a way, I thank you. That boy took a lot from me but you gave it back. And whenever he dropped me, you picked me up and brushed me off - good as new. Sometimes, I sit and wonder where I would have been had it not been for you. How low would I have fallen? Would I still be with that boy? What kind of shape would I be in? Alone, abused, and bruised? Two years that no one knows much of or has need to know but still, moments I hold dear.

    And so I write this "letter" to thank you. Know you have my appreciation and my love. At this moment, you don't have need of it but as you were there for me, I shall be here for you. I hope you never forget me and that you still hold me close to heart. As you have said many times, no one knows where life will lead us. I hope we meet again and when that day comes, I hope we can be the best of friends. Put aside our differences and get along, after all, you are my first true love.

    With all my love,
    Your Ex.

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