Wednesday, 10 June 2009
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I Would Be Gone If It Weren't A Family Thing
I know there's someone out there that can help me with this situation. I have been married for ten years and I can honestly say I'm in love with my husband's cousin. It first started off as casual conversation and then long conversations and before you knew it, I was at the point where I had to talk to him on a daily basis. We have been sneaking around for quite some time now and we are both tired and want to be together. I have always been attracted to him but we were never available at the same time. My husband is very boring and he doesn't quite understand what I want and need.
Yes, I have told him, but unfortunately he is always busy with his hobby. I talk to this person when I have problems and he always has good advice when it comes to my marriage. He and his cousin are not close, but he makes me feel so loved and wanted. The cousin has expressed his love for me as well. It has been two years and we can't let each other go.
I know it's wrong but it's one of those things that I can't turn back on. I think I would have been gone if it weren't a family thing. I don't know what to do. My husband doesn't have a clue and I know everyone would be hurt once it's revealed but am I supposed to remain unhappy just to keep everyone else happy?We do not have kids together so it should be an easy transaction, right?
ed's note: if you're confused, you're not the only one - all the "he"s and "we"s baffled me, too. OP, if you wanna clarify, go for it! Who loves whom?
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- From: simply69
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Comments (58)
Don't. Do. It. Divorce your husband if you must (better yet - try marriage counseling first!) but don't go for his cousin. For pete's sake how can you think it'd be an "easy transaction"? So what if you don't have kids - can you not comprehend the drama that would ensue within the family? I realize you've kept this "hush hush" because of that very realization - but seriously, get on with it. Having this for two years is ridiculous... get marriage counseling and try to work it out with your husband... or get divorced and try to start over... but give his cousin the boot... nothing good can come of that.
Well they'll have to get over it eventually. Do what you think will make you happy, there is no reason why you shouldn't. When it comes the time to tell your husband, calmly explain to him that it just wasn't meant to be with you two, and that you can't control how you feel for someone.
You can't risk your happiness for someone elses.
I think you shouldn't be sneaking around. If you really have feelings for each other you need to disentangle yourself from the marriage(on that note, why did you even get married? It doesn't sound like you like your husband at all).
And I doubt it will be an easy tranaction. It's his family and there will be massive amounts of drama.
You shouldn't have been sneaking around- because that's cheating on your husband. And your husband doesn't know? Don't make him suffer any longer by staying with him when he doesn't know you've been doing stuff behind his back. You really need to be honest.
And why did you marry your husband? If he's so boring, you shouldn't have married him.
I don't know if you should go to your husband's cousin. If your husband loves you, I'm not sure if he's going to be really thrilled that you left him for his cousin. But good luck. You might have trust issues with the cousin guy though, because he knows you did sneak around- what would keep you from sneaking around with another guy? He might do it too.
first step, get a divorce.
IF you want to work things out with your husband, try marriage counseling. if that doesn't work out, then divorce him. don't hurt him any longer by sneaking around. it will cause problems in teh family, but what can you do right?
this is going to destroy your husband...you know, there are worse things than being boring...at least it is something you can work on. this cousin is an asshole...he should have known you're off limit...
Too much drama. If he can do that with u, he can do tht with other people. You are being a little irrational here.. please think carefully and honestly you have to think is it worth it causing trouble in the family on the expense of others?
family ...love ...
Don't keep going behind your husband's back. That is a very cold and mean thing to do. Either try to work things out with him, and stop seeing the cousin. OR just tell him the truth, get a divorce. Then you'll find out if the cousin does love you or not, or if you're just a forbidden fruit to him.
Do what will make YOU happy. If you're happy, then that should make the rest of your family happy. You can't control the way you feel. Others need to understand that. Yes, it may have been a mistake marrying him, and then going on with his cousin for two years without doing anything, but OH WELL! I would say, divorce your husband, but talk to him and make sure he really understands why you are. Go on with his cousin, as long as you know he won't do the same thing to you. My parents were divorce, my mom has been divorced 3 times, and truly, it's not as bad as you think. All the families still like her. It shouldn't even matter what others think though, why should you suffer and them be happy? You can be happy too, they might get mad at first, but they won't keep a grudge on you.
First step, divorce your husband if you don't' have any feelings for him anymore and it won't be helped with counseling. If you still care about him, dump the cousin. If you choose to divorce and be with cousin, I would suggest keeping it down low for at least another year. Drama will start but at least their family can ONLY suspect that you two had an affair during your marriage with present husband. Whereas if you told everybody the reason of divorce and if you get together with cousin right after divorce, then you and the cousin will be banned from being any part of the family stuff. He may be banned from his own family and looked down upon...do you want that? Does he want that?
I agree with simply getting a divorce. It doesn't sound like you love him and you can't force that type of emotion to occur. Sneaking around isn't right though. Put yourself in his shoes, how would you feel? And if you do want to pursue this thing with his cousin, I agree with GaMeGurLsH@xanga about keeping it on the dl for a while. When you have doubts, just ask yourself how you would feel if this were you and he was leaving you for your cousin. Yes, your happiness should come first but that doesn;t mean you have to step all over people on purpose in the process. Be smart and proceed with caution. Do what's right and you'll have more respect for yourself and from others in the end.
Haha, tell your husband on Maury or Jerry Springer. That's the smoothest way to do it right?
Like all things, its your choice, but make sure you understand the consequences of your choice, and are willing to accept them if you deem it worth it. Make sure "cousin" knows it as well. Its really a shame for your poor husband though. Honesty is always the best policy, he will likely want a divorce anyway when you do tell him. He deserves the truth, and you just have to accept what follows. I don't see anything "wrong" with then being with the cousin, but it will definitely be difficult and emotional for everyone, so make sure its worth all that. And do the classy thing, at least take the financial hit for the divorce, you probably will ruin your husband's life (for a while) with all of this.
wtf is this crap?
Why did you marry this guy in the first place?
Don't leave your husband for the cousin. Leave your husband because you no longer love him and want to make a life elsewhere. If you do get divorced don't start dating the cousin right away. Give it time. For yourself and the family.
Thats all the advice I have. Although I do not condone cheating for any reason. Communication, counseling and or divorce should always come before being with another person.
OH, goodness.
Don't cheat on your husband.
Don't lie and hurt him anymore, if you are willing to sneak around with his cousin, just tell him straight off the back. Your husband does not deserve that, no matter how boring he may be. After all, you did marry him, right?
Easy transaction? Please, do you have any idea how much family drama would arise? A LOT.
My honest opinion-- don't leave your husband for his cousin.
And please, stop sneaking around, cheating is a HUGE no-no. It should NEVER be done.
If you don't love your husband anymore, then tell him, and get a divorce. But going to his cousin? That's your call, I personally wouldn't.
No lying.
No sneaking around.
Just be honest with your husband.
Good luck,
-Amber Cucumber
@EmanBruin@xanga - Agreed.
My mouth is literally open in shock about this post right now.
Maybe the cousin only likes the adventure in sneaking around and laying with his cousin's wife....
I don't want to be mean, but I feel bad for your husband. :(
I feel bad for you as well. It's not going to be an easy road, no matter what you do.
Come clean, keep lying, leave him, stay with him. No matter what you choose, you're headed down a bad road.
This calls for huuuuuuge family drama...and easy transaction? WOW.
Stop cheating on your husband and divorce him. Start off with that, and then see what you want next. But I can tell good times will definitely come for his family...
Well for one, you definitely SHOULDN'T be sneaking around. That's almost the same as adultery. You don't have to sleep with the person in order to commit adultery. If you can't stay faithful to your husband no matter how hard you try, then you need to divorce him for both your sakes. However, you probably shouldn't try to get with his cousin. Not now, maybe never. That would cause an upheaval in the whole family.
You are going to mess up your husband's family. Why did you marry him in the first place if he's so boring? You say you're "happily" married. For ten years. But you find his cousin attractive.
I don't have any advice for you because you disgust me. I'm sorry but it's true. Divorce your husband. Stop sneaking around with his cousin and come clean.
I love how you describe dumping your husband as an easy transaction. Classy.
If you do decide to divorce your husband, make sure he's read this post, or that you've told him everything. If you're going to mess with his family, then they deserve to know who to blame for everything.