Some background - I've only been in a relationship for three weeks with a friend who I've known for three years. I know he's a great guy and my friends thought so too. He's never been in a real relationship before, and his parents divorced when he was a kid, so that could contribute to his actions...
About a week into the relationship, he started making comments that he means to be a joke but come across really rude (such as, "why do you keep introducing me to your friends that are better than you?" or like when we were trying to decide where to eat once he said, "you want a lot of things". I responded, "I do...and?" and he said, "and you ain't gettin' them from me!")
Like a few here and there, it's okay, I can laugh it off. But we've only been together for three weeks and it's been like a constant verbal beating. The honeymoon period lasted about two days. He treated me better when we were just friends than when we're going out. (?!)
My patience is finally wearing thin and I told him I wanted out because I'm just dissatisfied with the relationship. Then he tells me that he thinks he's been acting that way because he's afraid I'll get hurt if I get too close and he doesn't he likes me that much "yet" but he WANTS to like me. (?!!?!?!!)
An hour later, he sends me a text message (I don't pick up my phone when driving) and said that he didn't realize how much he valued me and he really wants me to stay with him.
Recommend
Comments (42)
He sounds borderline verbally abusive.
Neg. Drop him.
Get out now... spare yourself the further drama (because from the sound of it ... you WILL get more drama if you take this guy back. Oi.)
He might be just inexperienced with girls. I admit I was verbally abusive with my girl but I didn't mean any of it. Then again I never use a serious tone when I do, given occasionally she verbally abuses me back. It's all fun and games though. So you should talk to him about it if you decide to get back with him.
second chance fo sho
nah. try to stay friends. it doesn't look like you two were meant to be but i don't think he meant for his actions to hurt you.
Drop him, keep him as a friend.
My..."honeymoon period", as people call it, hasn't stopped. We started dating in september/octoberish of last year.
You deserve more respect, and it's obvious it won't be coming from him.
@g00dghurl143@xanga - Okay, no offense, but this was the most cynical and distrusting, comments I have ever read about something like this. You can't just go around and assume every guy in the world, especially guys you don't know, have "a girl on the side". It's not healthy or fair for the relationship, and it certainly isn't fair to suggest this to people when they don't need more worry than they already have about the situation.
No one deserves the disrespect of being treated like a "Queen". Being put on a pedestal is almost more offensive than being called dirt. You know why? Being a "Queen" isn't getting equality or respect in a relationship; it's someone typically treating you a certain way because they don't want to lose you for selfish reasons. It isn't that they want to make you happy; it's that they want to make themselves happy by objectifying you. And before anyone says, "that isn't objectification", think again. Just because your SO isn't treating you like trash doesn't mean they're not objectifying you. I was in a relationship for nearly three years where I was "treated like a queen", and I finally realized I wasn't appreciated for myself, but for what I represented. All the plans made were for the benefit of him. All the "love" he showered on me was to make himself feel better about his lack of self-confidence. I wasn't me to him; I was opportunity. I find this more disgusting than someone up and telling me they only want me for sex. It's more subtle and covert.
Anyway, toward the commenter: I don't want to rip on your grammar, but it made it a little hard to read the comment. Some things I probably didn't understand correctly. Please try to use at least a little something here and there so people can understand? :/ I really want to know exactly what you're saying, and maybe I misinterpreted something along the way, you know?
Give him a second chance if you think he deserves it and if you honestly think that he'll treat you better. It sounds like maybe he is better off being your friend.
I don't think it's an excuse that though he is inexperienced, he still verbally puts you down. :/ And having your "honeymoon" stage last about 2 days tells you a bit more about your relationship with him.
I've been with my boyfriend for three years, and I still experience that honeymoon stage ... sometimes. lol good luck (:
Friends seem to work out better with the two of you. Friend? Yes. Second Chance? No.
drop him, he will continue the cycle. he will treat you badly and then when you want out again he will recant and say how much you mean to him because he doesnt want to be single again and stuff. been in the same position before and i wish i had left
Better off as friends.
He sounds like a doucher. Move on.
If it were me, I'd have already been turned off before he even sent the apologetic text. People don't change easily, if at all, so he's bound to return to his old ways after you've forgiven him.
I had an ex who acted that way. *sighs* :\ You're better off keeping him as a friend.
@AznFier@xanga - Lol yeah if you wrote down all the jokes I've ever made with my exboyfriend, they'd sound abusive on paper, but he gets me and my jokes, and we're still great friends together. I'm probably more sarcastic than about 95% of the population, but people think I'm nice. Usually I'm a little boring when I just meet people because I make sure not to use sarcasm at all to avoid the awkward moments when they ask if I'm seriously insulting them. I don't get why everyone's saying that he's verbally abusive when he's just...sarcastic like me except awkward about it around a girl he just started dating. I think it's reasonable, as long as he doesn't believe the things he says and you (author) understand he's just trying to make a joke. I mean, if you guys just can't make each other laugh, then...yeah, give up, but he's not abusing you, especially if you say even yourself that he's just trying to make jokes.
this is my ex to a T. Trust me, it was better as friends... now I just can't stand him. NEVER try to date a friend, or best friend in my case...
well, I could be wrong... but good luck!
don't put yourself in a verbally abusive relationship. This is still abuse, if you had better time being friends with him, then just go back to that than trying to sort yourself in this mess. Really, before he hurts you without even knowing it.
I've dealt with guys like this before (indirectly and directly) and he can blame it on his parents divorcing when he was young or whatever... but he's not being considerate enough to value you as a PERSON never mind as a gf. He's tactless, rude, not funny at all and most of all, showing some signs of self-esteem issues (thats why he puts you down in a "joke"). In a long term scope, this is going to turn into a disaster and you probably wouldn't even want him as a friend afterwards. Salvage the friendship and free yourself. Verbal abuse is STILL abuse.It sounds like he's a bit immature. My one guy friend was quite the jokester himself. He would say all these jokes, which I found highly offensive, and he would think they were absolutely hilarious. He never took into consideration that maybe I have feelings and maybe I'm actually telling the truth when I said how hurtful they were. As you've said, he's never really had a real relationship before. Have you talked to him about how his joking negatively impacts you? If you have and he's just brushed them as total bullshit, then I wouldn't stick around. You don't deserve to be feeling like shit regardless of the fact that he claims not to mean it.
He's treating you like his Pal, and not like his Girlfriend. Which is fine if he weren't the type to insult his friends out of some kind of mock wit, or magically ridiculous defense mechanism. Either way, tell him this, tell him exactly why you're dissatisfied if you haven't. Then tell him to shape up or GTFO! :*(
He may be a good friend, but not all good friends can make that successful transition from friend to SO.
-aCe
Well, I think you should just be better off as friends for now. Just build it up again if you think you want to give it another chance.
you know what.... drop it. you're probably better off as friends. save yourself now while you still can. (i'm talking from personal experience)
well ... try take things slow first then make a move ... its hard
ano but it's ur choice and he messed up by his doing not u , let him
improve and also prove to u he means it this time ! him saying it is
usless but doing it to make u feel like ur in a position u feel right
in a relationship then u cn make a move gurl ! x JC X
i.. dont think he can just make up his decision like that... like all of a sudden realize how important you are to him. maybe teh friendship wont go back to how it used to be, but i think he doesnt like you enough to want to be with you or whatever.
its not really worth it at this stage. the way he treats you, no matter what excuse it is. maybe he will meet a girl that will change his habits. i guess... you just have to ask yourself, if its worth it. the pain that is.