Miss Rhino
During one of my hour-long StumbleUpon sessions, I ran across this website called
I Do Now I Don't. Let me tell you a little bit about it.
"The site offers an outlet for people ready to unload their leftover assets from a failed relationship, or a diamond ring they have not worn in years. Items for sale at any time range from diamonds, new engagement rings, vintage and antique engagement rings, and wedding rings to wedding dresses and collectible watches."
What a strange concept. The founder's story went something like this: Happily engaged for three months, then the fiancee packed up all her stuff and left, leaving the ring on the coffee table. How could he ever recover from this blow to his heart? Well he obviously would sell the engagement ring, a reminder of his lost-love, on this new website which he would create! VOILA! All better!
Essentially, you're moving on from a failed relationship and getting cash at the same time. Seems like an outstanding idea. But something about it is rubbing me the wrong way.
Maybe it's because I'm hesitant to ever part ways with something sparkly. Which leads me to the age-old question...
When a relationship fails, do you give back the bling?
I myself would be partial to keep the ring. Not only is it spectacular (I'm hoping for 3 carats ::fingers-crossed::) but it's also a reminder of a relationship that obviously meant a lot to me. It's a part of my life's history. Why give that away?
OR do you give the ring back to your ex? He paid for it. It's rightfully his. (Although I'm tempted to quote Wedding Crashers here. "The painting was a gift, Todd! I'm taking it with me.") Common courtesy dictates that the ring should belong to its owner for him/her to do whatever they please with it. And, I have to admit, it might be good to part with something that has the power to make you bolt for the Ben & Jerry's whenever it shimmers in your direction. No use being single and overweight, right?
OR the final option... do you sell it on a website such as I Do Now I Don't and make a little money off of your heartache? You part with the sadness, get a good price and make some other couple extremely happy by selling them your leftovers. A win/win/win.
SO what's the verdict? Keep, return, or sell? What is the proper etiquette in this "death/divorce do us part, now what?" situation?
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Comments (38)
I'd return it to the person who bought it for me. It's their money's worth, after all. Plus, I wouldn't want a constant reminder of a relationship gone wrong. And selling it ... that seems a little selfish.
PS - I heart Stumbleupon! :]
Depends on the guy and the circumstances. If it's an understandable thing, give him back the ring. If it isn't understandable, but you still regret what happened, ask to keep the ring. If he was an asshole, the ring was a gift. :)
When me and my ex broke up, I gave him back this diamond necklace he got me for my birthday. I didn't know what else to do with it. He told me to keep it though and so I sold it. Ha! An engagement ring is different though, I don't know what I would do in that situation.
@Mangonese@xanga - I agree. It all depends on why the relationship failed in the first place. If it was a mutual agreement, give the ring back. If he cheated or left for no reaosn - keep it.
I think ... if the person breaks up with you, then you are entitled to keep the item. If you break up the relationship, you should give it back. I think I saw that on Entertainment Today or something lol.
But personally, I wouldn't sell it. I'd probably keep it or give it back. Depending on how the relationship went.
I have been through a broken engagement - well, it was kind of "fake" because I didn't really like him (my mom hated him and, well, long story...) and he just wanted to get married to further his career (another long story - I also found out later he was still on dating sites anyway and married a girl not long after we broke up lol). When I finally broke it off, I took the bling to the pawn shop. I'm a heartless maneater.
the correct legal response is to give the ring back. It's considered a gift with the implementation of marriage. if the marriage doesn't happen, the gift needs to be returned. There is some discretion under fault breakups though. if the donor decides he simply doesn't like the girl anymore, some courts will find favor that the girl will be subject to emotional distress and grant the ring as reward, or the profits from the sale of the ring. however if the female was unfaithful or is at fault and the donor breaks it off, the ring will usually be returned.
@a_single_raindrop@xanga - I agree. There was actually a Veronica Mars episode on this topic, and they basically said that if the woman breaks it off, she has to give it back. If the man breaks it off, she has the option of keeping it.
I'd give it back. I didn't buy it and it is technically a conditional gift.
I'll agree with those who said it depends on circumstances.
If I left him or the breakup was mutual, I'd give it back to him. If he was the one at fault, it'd be gonig to the nearest pawn shop to fund an epic girls-night-out! Seems fair to me anyway :)I'd want it back, so I could sell it and get some of my money back. Those things aren't cheap and an engagement ring has symbolic meaning behind it; it's not like a bag or a watch or a necklace or something that's simply expensive on its own. If the girl doesn't commit, cheats on me, or breaks it off, then why should she get to keep it?
i would keep for memories sake. however, if it hurts too much maybe i WOULD sell it to someone else. I mean if it;s causing me way too much pain then I would try to hide it. BUT if I absolutely cannot bear it, then deffinitely selling it. i guess.
@cd867@xanga - what an amazing comment. I really want to hear this long story now! ps I'm a heartless maneater too, don't worry.
I think, in just about any case, the woman should give the ring back. That ring isn't just another gift--it's supposed to be a promise that the couple will be married one day. If they haven't gotten married, the woman shouldn't get to keep it, UNLESS the man has said that the woman can keep it. Obviously, in the case that it's not the woman's right to keep, it shouldn't be her right to sell, either. If I were a man and the engagement was broken, I'd want the ring back.
But this is why I've come up with the idea that my fiance and I will get engagement rings for each other. If the engagement is broken, we can keep our rings and are free to decide what we want to do with them.
It all depends how we broke up, if we left on good terms then i would want to keep it but if we fought im sure i would throw the ring in his face and it would be his choice to keep it or to give it back which i would hope he would give it back expecially if its cute cuz i love jewlery only pretty jewlery tho lol
IF HE broken off the engagement, I'd sell it and keep the cash. If I broke it off, I'd send it back to him since it's rightfully his.
@_@ I can't even think of protocol for this!
I just don't want it to happen to me.
i was engaged about 4 years ago to a man i thought i was going to spend the rest of my life with only to find out that he didn't really love me the way he said he did. i was devastated because for a while, he was my life. he even bought a 2 carat diamond ring, it was a radiant cut, i almost fainted when i saw the ring, but since the relationship was over, i gave back the ring. i didn't want to keep it because that would have tied us together or until he took me to court...lol...he wouldn't but it didn't feel right, the relationship was over. i don't know what he did with the ring but i did see his current fiance's ring and it was pretty bling like the one i received.
It depends on who called off the wedding. If the girl called it off, the guy keeps it. If the guy called off the wedding, the girl keeps it.
I have my ex fiance's ring still, and Im dying to get rid of it.
He was an asshole... I dont want reminded that I ever did associate with that lowlife. =/ He is the ONLY ex i feel that way with..
Even though it would probably be the death of me, I think I'd have to give it back. Why have that constant reminder of a failed relationship?
I have my ex's ring, and he said I could keep it but I won't. I can't stand to look at that thing. It used to look at it and think of how sweet he was, all the plans we had. Now I look at it and I feel disgust, and hurt, and hatred for my ex. Looking at the ring reminds me of all the reasons why I never want to get married again. So yeah, I'm mailing that bad luck charm back to him.
Well, from a legal standpoint, until you're married, the ring belongs to him, so regardless of who breaks it off, you're supposed to give it back. That being said, should my fiance decide he doesn't want me (3 days before the wedding, since that's where we're at right now,) it'd kill me to get rid of it because I love it, but I'd probably throw it in his face.
I wouldn't sell it, though. Even if he made me keep it, I don't think I'd be able to bring myself to sell it. It'd probably sit in a jewelry box somewhere gathering dust.
I have sold other pieces that my exes gave me...necklaces, earrings, and such. He was an ass and I needed money. I felt no guilt about it
-Katie
I'd give it back to the guy. I wouldn't want it..and I'd feel lame to go and sell it. So yeah..probably giving it back would be the best thing, I think.