"Ouch, ouch, OUCH!"
"That hurts. That really hurts."
"I don't like that."
"Please stop."
(sobbing and pleading) "Please, please, I want you to stop."
In spite of my continuous protests, his only response was to say "Come on baby" and continue hurting me.
My friend thinks I should call the police.
The problem is, he is was my boyfriend. And it's not like we weren't in the middle of something. And he didn't actually force me to have sex with him, he just "almost" did. And when I finally physically threw him off of me, he didn't attack me again.
She still thinks that I should get something documented, in case he does this to someone else. But I really don't think I have a case. He didn't rape me, he just "almost" did. He's not a rapist or a monster or a menace to society, he's just a really pushy guy with a strong sexual appetite. I can't avoid seeing him again, but our relationship is definitely over. I don't think it's worth the trouble to try to report him, since it was only "almost" a crime.
Here's my question: Does "almost" count? What would you do?
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Comments (777)
You should definitely let someone of authority know. Almost is just as bad as the actual act. One day his "almost" attempts could turn into the real thing.
i would get it 'documented' first.
i'd consider it. but that's just me.
my ex decided he was gunna have sex with me once & it hurt so bad & i cried the whole time. i told him no, but he insisted on taking my pants off & getting me naked & doing it. i never told anyone that's how it happened, but still. i say he "basically raped me".
the time after that, when he tried taking my pants off again, i pulled as hard as i could to keep them on & started yelling in the angriest voice i had. his response was "oh, you have control now, but not when you fucked that other guy?" omg, if he got my pants off, i'd fucking kill him.
i kinda went off on my own thing, haha sorry.
I would tell the cops. What he did is still considered assault. It doesnt matter if you went along at the beginning or not. When you say no, stop, or whatever word to mean "get off I dont want this anymore" & he keeps trying to force you, it's a crime.
it's wrong but I don't know if telling the cops would make a difference. The most they'll really do is a file a report, in all likelihood, since it sounds like you're telling us this a while after it happened, and to actually file charges against someone for rape or assault I think that's something that has to be done right away. Filing a report is better than nothing but not exactly likely to help any girl he meets in the future.
Good luck with whatever you do though.
Being a guy, that's a tough call. However, if you feel it is something he might do to someone else in the future, you should report it, of course.
You wouldn't want this to happen to another girl, right? I would suggest talking to him and telling him how you feel about it and maybe he will be more considerate and gentle if he jumps on some other poor girl.
that's still sexual assault
yea it's hard but i knw a girl who was in that situation and was just grateful she got out...and guess what...he actually did rape someone after that...so.....it's sad to think that second girl's experience could have been prevented if someone had stopped that chain of events before it happened.
Attempted is "almost" the same as achieved.
I suggest you report it to prevent it from happening in the future. It does not matter if he's your boyfriend. If he was just some random guy, you'd report it. So just view it as a generic scenario.
Report it.
"almost" is basically a date rape whether you like it or not. anything without your consent is rape.
Think about this scenario, and then your question:
A little girl is walking down the street. A man grabs her and runs off into the woods with her. He then begins to try and murder her. He's got the gun out and he's holding it to her head. Then he hears the mother calling for her while heading in their direction. He leaves and the girl lives.
He "almost" killed her. So, do the actions not count simply because he didn't succeed?
Another scenario:
Pretend you have a daughter. She's your age, she's pretty. Her boyfriend does the same exact thing to her... as what this guy done to you. So, what would you do? Would you write it off as an "almost" thing and ignore it? I doubt it. You'd call the police.
This is my point. Almost counts. Get it documented, call the authorities.
"Almost" doesn't mean shit, he knew what he was doing and so do you. You may not have been raped (thank God he stopped when you physically forced him to), but you were sexually assaulted. Though he may not have gotten anywhere, there was obvious intent to where he wanted it to go and he did not stop at your requests. I would most definitely go to the authorities, warn your friends and stay away from him.
this really upsets me.. you should definitely let someone know. i know how hard it must be for you to summon the courage to tell someone about this.. i know it was hard for me.. I was raped by a guy i was dating when i was in high school..he was someone that i trusted.. and it took me a year for me to finally let someone know. just know its better off telling someone than keeping it inside because it will continue to hurt you and you dont deserve that. be strong and dont let this kind of thing happen to another girl. please. stop this guy before he hurts someone even more.
please read my entry HERE maybe it will help you.
and please.. dont be afraid.. you wont get in trouble.. and if
anybody gives u shit about it.. saying he "didnt actualyl do anything"
tell them to put themselves in your position.. and if they still dont
get it.. fuck what they think. if you feel violated..and u know in your
heart what he did was wrong - then thats all that matters.
be strong.. you can msg me if u need help or anything at all.
Okay.
1. was it your first time? If so, then guys expect that it hurts, so your "ouch ouch" and "that hurts" could've been construed as just comments on the unfamiliarity of the situation. The "please stop" - how long after did you say please stop again? And how long after that did you throw him off? Again, if it's YOUR first time (but not his) he assumed the pain would stop during the act or whatev. Y'know?
2. Ifhe didn't re-approach you, maybe he didn't understand that you actually wanted him to stop when you said that. you could've been teasing him, depending on the nature of your relationship, and he misconstrued. After you threw him off htough, it seems he did understand and didn't attempt to force anything on you.
3. ALMOST doesn't count. Either it is or it isn't. Make up your mind. Only you were there.
4. NO means NO.
See how it plays out, but at least go to the school counselor or your parents or something. Tell them he took things further than you wanted him to, and while you eventually fought him off- he did go further than you wanted him to even if it wasn't as far as he wanted to go. See what your parents or a school counselor (or a rape talk line) has to say about it, and go from there. Remember- if you're not really sure, a rape accusation even if it's rescinded is almost like a scarlet letter. Everyone assumes he's guilty without giving him a chance (perhaps not in the court of law, but at least in teh community), so if you're not sure and if you believe, in his heart, he didn't want to hurt you ... then just try talking to him. LIke I said, no means no, but only you and him were there... so you can't really heed any bit of advice without first listening to yourself.
What the others said is true. What he did was sexual assault. The moment you said please stop and he didn't stop, he made a choice to sexually assault you - putting his sexual 'appetite' before your well-being and comfort. He could do that to another girl who is incapable of physically throwing him off and then it might not be an "almost" thing. Report it or spread word around that he's a dangerous guy to be with (at the very, very least). But if he's violent, just report it. If he has a temper at all be careful.
"Almost" counts. Go to the cops.
He went inside you. He forcefully pushed part of his penis inside you. that is rape. You said no, you pleaded, it had to get to the point where you had to push him off, physically. You yourself even word it as an ATTACK.
It IS rape. It's not just 'monsters' who commit rape-monsters in the sense of deranged, dirty, crazy old men, or bad guys with guns and knives.
Boyfriends, fathers, cousins, friends, anyone can be a rapist. Its horrifying but true.
The 'problem' isnt that he is your boyfriend. Its that he raped you!!! Even though he didn't 'succeed' as in going all the way in and finishing, he still raped you. And attempted rape can be just as traumatic as real rape.
I really hope you have cut off ties with him. Who knows what else he might do? Another thing to note: These 'people' never have only one victim. There are probably many other girls like you out there, or many more even in the future, that he has/will do this to. Its a harsh and horrible reality, but its reality. If you document a report, it can be used against him in the future, if you wish. And if anyone else ever does the same against him then that will only serve to help you.
He doesn't have to know you have made this documentation (unless of course you choose to take it to court).
I'm so deeply sorry this had to happen to you. It makes me sick to my stomach and fills me with rage every time I read something like this. But, at least its out there, which means you are speaking out and can try receive the help you really need.
"He's not a rapist or a monster or a menace to society, he's just a really pushy guy with a strong sexual appetite. "
what you described IS a monster. Just not the 'monster' we stereotype in our heads. This is the real world. A really pushy guy with a strong sexual appetite doesn't have to hurt someone in order to get what he wants. no matter what he might say, guys CAN control their 'need' for sex. Guys can be pushy with strong sexual appetites and not be rapists. My ex was not a menace to society-he actually did volunteer counsellor work. (see how fucked the world can be?)
You were begging, crying, pleading, and still he tried to persist. That is a monster in my books.
please, please, please please i cannot beg you enough please leave him, listen to your friend, call a crisis centre, find out all the info you can and tell the police and get it documented. Even just get it documented then forget all about it. Maybe sometime in the future you will decide you want to do something about it, and having it all done now will make it that much easier in the future.
Please please please. I am so sorry this happened ot you. You are not alone. Please, i am talking from experience. Please leave him, please do all you can to make it known what he is, even in just a confidential statement. In my case i stayed, and it only got so much worse.
@cherry_tequila@xanga - I Completely agree. You should at least tell your parents, teacher, or a police officer.
Tons of girls justify this same thing by saying, "He's just a pushy guy. He didn't actually rape me."
If you said stop and had to throw him off, that's assault. Report it.
At very least, tell a counselor. She can report it and you could possibly stay annonymous.
Don't let this go undocumented.
At make sure you get some help for your feelings surrounding this issue. It was something traumatic that can't be brushed off, you know?
take it into your own hands make him pay for what he did. kick him in the nuts and then we'll see who's hurting.
lol
<3
You said No, Stop, It Hurts, he kept going - that is sexual assault, whether he made it "inside" or not. Attempted Rape, sexual assault, molestation, whatever you want to call it. He WILL try it with someone else if he doesn't learn that this kind of behaviour is unacceptable.
Are you serious?
thats not date rape
you werent drugged
and maybe the guy is bad at reading clues
...if you were raped you would have been hurt
i hate when girls think they got raped
when they didnt
WOW
@playintrafic@xanga - you...FUCKOFF. She was clearly hurt. It got to the point where she was CRYING AND BEGGING. you sick fuck you are probably one of them. "I didnt go in all the way so it wasnt rape" YOU SICK FUCK KEEP YOUR FUCKING COMMENTS TO YOURSELF.
And: You don't have to be DRUGGED to be raped. Drugs just make it easier for the monster.
Crying, pleading, begging, no? Those aren't clues enough? learn how to fucking READ
YOU STUPID SICK FUCK i cannot say it enough.
I hate it when guys dont think they are RAPISTS.