Sunday, 07 June 2009
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Should I Be Heartbroken?
My girlfriend and I broke up a few days ago. I guess you could say it's been an on-and-off thing, but our "breakups" would never last for more than a few days before someone apologized and everything was right. Let me set the stage for you.
We started dating in 2006; she cheated on me no more than four months into the relationship. She claimed she was afraid to fall in love with me. We broke up. I didn't talk to her for months. One day I ran into her - apparently we went to the same campus. We talked for a little while, both confessed we still had feelings for each other, and got back together. I forgave her for what she did, and she told me the things she wished I would do more (talk about how I feel, discuss problems with her, etc etc)
Nine months later, she cheats on me again, except she makes it a point to hide her other boyfriend from me. She would make up excuses as to why we couldn't hang out; she wouldn't talk to me for days at a time. Eventually my suspicions started to grow; I started asking a lot of pressing questions, she would get defensive and start yelling at me saying how I didn't trust her.
We broke up.
I was devastated, more so than I was before. My world crashed, i stopped eating, I called out of work sick for a week straight, never came out of my room. Depressed. I would cry myself to sleep, cursing her for breaking my heart, cursing myself for being a crappy boyfriend. Eventually, I got the point where I didn't blame her for cheating, but started blaming myself and started making up reasons as to why she left.
After much convincing and talking, she agreed to date me alongside her current boyfriend. I was happy, I had her back in my life. As time passed, she would tell me that she wanted to break up with her other boyfriend and just be with me, but she never did. She did this multiple times. I would get angry when nothing happened then cool off and apologize.
Lately she had been lying to me a lot. After four years of dating you just kind of know when the person is telling the truth and when she is lying. So I started snooping through her MySpace and Facebook and saw what she was really doing when she would tell me something else. Instead of coming clean, she yells at me for snooping, saying how I don't trust her and how I invade her privacy.
Later she said a few choice words, said she hated me and now hasn't spoken to me since last week.
Should I be heartbroken?
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About the Author
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- From: DekaoTheRAmar@xanga
- About Me: I used to be the kind of person that used to be happy to tell you about me. I used to be the person that would tell you his life's story in a heartbeat. I guess now i'm just the kind of guy that doesn't want you to know a whole lot about me. That way i keep up the mystery about myself and makes you want to ask more about me.
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Comments (62)
You have the right to be heartbroken. However, I think you should try your hardest to get ove this girl asap, because she's obviously not respectful enough to you to deserve a relationship with you.
@steph - Agreed.
But the snooping, I feel, was out of hand. :\
Well, this isn't a "should you or shouldn't you" kind of thing. I mean, should anyone really be heartbroken? The point is, she hurt you. So I figure that you are heartbroken. Even if you "shouldn't" be heartbroken, you would probably still feel that way. Your feelings don't really wait on your permission to do things.
I don't think you should go back to her. You were stupid for doing it so many times. She cheated once, then she cheated again; you should have realized that she wasn't going to stop. She hurts you and then she bitches at you for snooping into her stuff. It's pretty obvious that she doesn't give a shit about you. Meanwhile you're doing your best to just keep ahold of her no matter what. She doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, that's obvious, otherwise she would have tried harder. She doesn't seem too mature, or like too much of a great person; she didn't try to hold your relationship together and placed all of the blame on you. Nobody drove her to cheat. You didn't make her cheat. She CHOSE to cheat. She chose to fuck you over, bro.
People typically keep themselves in destructive situations (such as this) because they're getting something out of it. So, what are you getting out of this? You have the partial attention of a girl who's screwing around with another guy, who will never commit to you, and who you'll never really be able to trust. So, what are you getting? Doesn't sound like much.
You need to just forget about her. Let yourself heal and find a girl who's worth your effort and time. Work on your own faults at the same time, and I don't mean the faults that you imagine that you have due to your crappy ex girlfriend. I mean the faults such as: Low self esteem. If you didn't have low self esteem, you wouldn't allow yourself to be a rug.
I can see why you'd be heart broken. But you need to get over her. She's obviously more damaging than anything else.
Dude. . . .screw this chick, like seriously. She's cold and doesnt care. Why waste your time with her when you can quiet possibly have something better with someone who isnt a liar and a cheater.
erms i don't see why you still stay with this girl after all that shit she did....
Don't snoop, that was a bad move on your part. Just leave her and look for a girl that isn't like her. Don't waste your time when things are not going to happen.
Okay, not to be a bitch but you kind of set yourself up for this one. You KNEW about her cheating ways and you also agreed to date her alongside to her bf?! Oh come on. Do you seriously believe that you deserve less than that?! Please say no. You deserve so much more than that.
She's going to be upset no matter what because you caught her red handed. And as far as the snooping part? How is that snooping when it's a public site?? I mean come-the-fuck-on, it's MySpace & Facebook!! If she didn't want that shit seen, it should've NEVER made it on a public networking site despite the fact that she can make certain things private. She's a total whore in my opinion. I mean, how selfish can she be?? You're kind of selfish too, believing that she would treat you any better than how she treated you starting from 2006.
YOU need to toughen up and keep her out of your life completely. You're only reopening old wounds and directly pouring salt on it yourself. That shit is fucking emo if you really think about it. I'm not going to sugar coat your situation for you, you already know what she's capable of. To me, if someone can't respect you as a lover, they sure as hell cant respect you as a friend... so trying to be friends again? You can forget about that.
It's going to take time to heal. A LOT of time. This is going to mindfuck you like crazy for the next few months, but that's okay... it'll make you stronger & wiser for the next girl. I've been in your shoes before. I'm just glad that I was finally able to kick those shoes off and bought me new ones. Good luck!
@eyesochinky@xanga - Couldn't have said it better.
She's not worth your time. Really, cheated on you twice, and then try to blame it on you. You deserve better. She's not worth being brokenhearted over.
Um, I dunno, DO you feel heartbroken?
Maybe that is a more appropriate place to start.
Of course you are going to feel heartbroken. You've been taken advantage of by someone you loved, and not in the fun way.
Just find someplace to let all the feelings out and go on with other things in your life. That's the best thing to do, at least in my own experience with being heartbroken over a woman.
Are you seriously fucked in the head? I just can't believe your doing this to yourself..
She sounds horrible.
No. You should be pissed, grow a pair, and move on.
no, you need to dump her and get on with your life....
gosh, i thought my relationships were crazy but this is relationship is close to a headache. i've always believed that when you love someone, you would never do such things to hurt the person you love such as cheating on them or even having another person in your life along with the person you love. i can see why you're heart broken but could you honestly say that you can totally forgive this person for what they have done to you and move forward with your future? i'm not you, but if i was in your situation, i wouldn't be heartbroken, i would just get the hell away from the person that is trying to hurt me.
Your feelings are your's and your's alone, but to be honest this girl doesn't sound that great and no where near worthy of you moping around. Take some time off for yourself, be single awhile and don't take her back. I think at this point it's obvious she never has been and, most likely never will be, as invested into the relationship...or any relationship for that matter, as you. I do wish you the best :)
Er, we can't tell you if you should be heartbroken or not. But from the way you describe her, she sounds like a loser.
Xo
seems like she was stringing you along for the ride, i cant believe you agreed to let her date you and the other guy.. you deserve much better than that seriously. No you shouldnt be heartbroken. Now she is mad at you? you should be mad at herrrr, she cheated on you twice, have the nerve to ask you to be her boyfriend #2, and treated you so meanly. Imagine looking from the outside in, this doesn't look right does it?
well, probably not heartbroken....
but definitely anger......
I think you should get away.. she doesn't even sound like she's worth it, if she only causes you pain.
And besides, why would you want to date her when she already has a boyfriend? You're worth more than a third wheel, and think of how the other guy must feel. I say just get away before you get more hurt, and find someone else. As horrible as it sounds (or as much as we don't want to hear/believe it), there are TONS of girls out there that will never hurt you like she did.