Saturday, 06 June 2009

• I Forgot to Enjoy Being Single

  A chain of events has recently taken place that has made me realise I may not be the person I always thought I was, or maybe that I'm not the person I used to be. You see, I haven't spoken to my crush in several months, haven't seen him for a bit longer, after my best friend left. Anyway I was logged into MSN the other night while I was making dinner and forgot that I had left it open for about half an hour. During this time my crush came on and left me a message, confirming that after exams we'd meet up. Assuming he knew my best friend was coming, I agreed, but he'd already gone off and so I didn't think much more about it.

  A few days later I was talking to my best friend, and mentioned that he had confirmed.

  "Oh, so you told him I was coming?"
  "No...I assumed you had."
  "Nope."

  Does that mean he asked me out? Yes, apparently it does. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not planning our wedding just because he suggested we meet up, but I was thrilled to know that he didn't just talk to me because of my best friend. Interested to see how I feel about him now, I went to my cupboard to find the pile of photos we had taken together to see if that fluttery feeling would return.

  I didn't find them. But while I was looking I came upon a box of stuff I had kept from when I was a kid, mainly old school books that weren't really interesting. One thing that was interesting was a picture that happened to have been kept amongst the other stuff, a picture of myself and a boy. Clearly in the picture I was in love with this boy, and he was in love with me, and due to the veil on my head I'd say it was our wedding day. I drew it when I was 7 years old.
  

  I sat back and remembered the hundreds of pictures that I had drawn, all of a similar nature. I remembered pretending to have a boyfriend before I had even gone to school, pretending to be married, to be a mother. Sure, this may be common for little girls, but I never grew out of it; I never stopped waiting to find "the one".

  A few days prior to my crush talking to me, I was at work and was introduced to the new manager. He was tall and handsome, and while we were working together there was a little bit of flirting going on. No, I don't like him in that way, nor do I plan on pursuing any form of relationship, but it was fun to feel that excitement of when you first start to like someone.

  My crush's sister just got engaged to her boyfriend of 4 years; she was exactly my age when she started dating him. And I'm not jealous. I'm not jealous because I don't want to have to stop flirting, to stop smiling at the cute guys who walk past or even stop planning the perfect way to meet "the one". Because I spent my whole life wishing I wasn't single, I forgot to enjoy it. I want to find "the one", but not before I've lived the small part of my life that is just mine. For the first time I've realised all the wonderful things about being single, and I'm just not ready to give that up.

  So if you're single, please enjoy it. Don't wait until you're married to realise all the things that being single brings, all the fun and excitement. I nearly wasted a whole section of my life waiting -  don't make the same mistake.

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