Saturday, 06 June 2009
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Don't Look Back in Anger
I don't need to look in my past posts to know that I have an anger problem. Things don't necessarily have to go my way, but it should be fair to all parties in the matter. I used to get so angry if the train was late, or if I was, for once, about to be on time to work, the train would f**k me over. I've learned to calm down and not care about the small things because there is no point in getting angry over those things I couldn't control. But I still get angry over other issues of my life. I feel like I have a lit candle inside of me, like an anger that won't go away...it just hides when not provoked. And when personal problems arise, it just blows up and anyone around me gets sucked into the flame. I don't want this. I don't want this anger. I want to douse that lit candle and destroy any remnants of my anger.
How do I stop myself from thinking about the wrongs people have done to me? Especially when the one who's hurt me the most is my partner in crime, my best friend, my lover? And he wasn't the first SO to hurt me, but hopefully, he'll be the last. If I think about it, I've wronged people too. Some people even gotten their karma but it wasn't enough because I wasn't the one who inflicted those discomforts in them. Yeah I sound like a psychopath. I've never done anything illegal or extreme just to hurt them back. However, I've imagined myself laughing at their asses when I see them running around in a wheelchair for life or better yet, losing their winky dinky
.Do you have anger issues ? How would you deal with it? I know exercising and meditating will help a lot and I still need to find motivation to do those, LOL. Any suggestions?
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Comments (18)
try to think that you live so much more better than them
I don't have anger problems, probably because I don't have this weird sense that I'm entitled to the earth revolving around me.
That and I don't really take anyone seriously. Pfft.
Ahh, I have some anger issues too. The most therapeutic way of dealing with it (in my experience) is running, kickboxing, and dissecting animals in human anatomy (hahah, seriously). Yoga & meditation did not work for me at all.
i have a bit of an anger problem, and what i do, is that i have to tell myself not to get angry everyday, and well, just try to relax yourself and channel it to something else
it is what is it. getting angry can not make the train go faster, getting angry can not make your problems go away. it doesnt make things get better so what s the point? a lot of things in life you dont really have control over them, but you do have control over yourself, remember next time when something/someone pisses you off, take a deep breath and relax, and think if it is worth it for you to get angry
I know how you feel. For me, when it comes to my anger issues, I try to relax myself by either listening to music or reading a good book. :)
I have a very quick temper. It comes as quickly as it goes. When I'm angry, I usually talk to somebody or write in my journal/xanga. It helps. And remember that they don't deserve your anger. They probably don't even know/care you're angry!
I used to be a walking volcano--explode and deal with damages later--and it continued to be quite self destructive. It influenced my social circles but furthermore damaged my professional image and what not. So these are some new habits I followed and now I'm relatively chill (unless my car's A/C stopped, was stuck in traffic and ppl can't drive in front of me). ..
1) save everything that made you mad in your head until you get home. Try counting backwards from 25 when you feel your heart racing and your face burning with anger. Take deep breaths and chant something emotionally unrelated: "the grass is green" or "happy bunnies" or something. When you get home, talk aloud to yourself. People might look at you funny when they first hear this, but having a dialogue (or a monologue moreso) with yourself accomplish TWO things: a) talking about it with yourself avoid others agreeing with you, which just feeds the fire to the explosion and b) it makes you realize that the things that made you mad are not THAT big or imporant. 2) clean the shit out of your bathtub, shower, bathroom floor, closet, basement...whatever. Productive cleaning is actually a great way to organize the messy areas of your house but also the cluttering thoughts that angers you in your head. You're simply putting actions to your thoughts and this helps IMMENSELY>
I hope this works for you. You have to stop thinking with the mentality of "why did that happen? how come good things never happen to me? why does life keep f*cking me over?" because it's a very disabling mentality. You make yourself the helpless victim and it's really not helpful for you to see the BETTER side of the situation and you fall into that loathing stage where the anger eats everything up. Good luck!
I have a bad temper if you tick me off badly.. it cools down when I run for a few minutes or something.
I'm usually not very angry, but venting helps a lot. Whether it's confiding in a friend, writing in a journal/xanga, punching pillows, or even cutting up random pieces of paper, these methods help me relieve stress.
Usually, I don't think many things are getting worth mad over for a long period of time, so I eventually dismiss them.
I use it on the treadmill. Seriously. I have a serious temper, so much that I rarely even let myself be mean or rude to someone because I cross the line (verbally) so easily. And I used to want a punching bag when I would get so angry, but studies have shown that aggression is learned. When I get used to going home and taking it out on the bag, I will probably learn to channel my aggression physically. I'm not really looking to develop that.
So, I hope on the treadmill. Go 4.5 miles per hour (which is fast for me, haha) and just run. The instant I'm like, i'm freaking done, I can't run anymore I think about whoever was retarded that day. And off I am again. It really helps.
Most of the time I am able to hide my anger issues without letting anyone realize. If the person who has angered me happens to be someone significant such as a friend, family member, or coworker, I try to take a deep breath and think about the negative consequences of expressing my anger in an inappropriate manner might be. It really doesn't feel that nice to yell and scream and make an idiot of myself when it's only going to hurt me more in a few minutes or days. Definitely, it helps to go to the gym and work out vigorously while listening to angry music. When I was in high school, I would go for a walk alone and listen to the entire Hybrid Theory cd by Linkin Park and I swear I would feel better after that. I like Linkin Park but they are not particularly my favorite band. However, that music is awesome for an anger explosion.
As far as strangers making you mad, try to remember that they do not matter to your life as a whole so forget about them or pretend that they said something else. If you do not see their comment or action mattering after the passing of 100 years, then do not give it a second thought and perhaps try the cd thing I mentioned. Good luck!
I know exactly what you mean. I have major anger issues myself. I think I inherited them from my family (who, maybe not coincidentally, gets me angry quite often). The person who told you to use the treadmill is on to something.
I remember this one day back in late September of 2007. I was seeing this guy who was all wrong for me. He did something earlier that day that immensely pissed me off. I was livid. Luckily, I had a gym in my building. I had been telling myself that I was going to start going to the gym, and I thought, "Today is the day." I mean, what else was I gonna do? So I went, and I felt a whole lot better. Exercise gives you endorphins, and they can help cheer you up and/or calm you down. Plus, when you exercise regularly, you just feel healthier. I exercised regularly for the next eight months while I was in school, and I felt so much better physically than I had in years. Plus, the energy that gets built up when you're angry can help you achieve a really intense and effective workout.
I think getting angry is normal but getting angry about little things that most other people shrug off or only show frustration about is probably not good. I get angry at a lot of things and I try to gauge my response by how I think most other people would react and I probably fare angrier than most other people. I've tried to deal with it by simply not caring about a lot of things in my life to reduce the stress that comes with the anger, but turning off the emotions altogether turns off the happy ones too. It's a tough balance. I suggest reasoning with yourself and thinking about whether the anger will do any good. I know it's hard when you're in the middle of being angry to stop, but taking a breather will help. Also, changing your expectations about how the world should be helps as well. If you expect the train to be late every now and then, then when it is late it won't be so upsetting because you expected it to be that way.
OH I definitely have anger issues.. sometimes I get so angry over small things that I feel like I'm bipolar or something.
I've kinda learned to deal with it by just not caring about anything. If you don't care about it, then if something goes wrong, you won't get angry. Of course the downside to this is I'm a bit too apathetic about everything...
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I too have anger issues. It got to the point I was so sick of being pissy all the time, I went to the doctor and got on medication. I am on a low dose, but it takes the edge off. Now, I am generally better. I still have a long way to go though..
I wish I knew how to make it go away. My anger isn't triggered by the past, it is triggered by stupid little things I shouldn't even care about. I just figure what is in the past is gone and done and nothing can be done to change it, so try to do better in the future. I realized just how short life is and how I shouldn't let things that have already happened mess me up.
But good luck, I hope you find something that works.