Friday, 05 June 2009
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Am I Seeing This Girl or Not?
Under the direction of one of my close friends, I decided to try using an internet dating site. I was skeptical about it because my thought process was this: Guy meets Girl, Guy likes Girl, Guy asks Girl out, Guy and Girl date/have relationship... I have had two solid relationships, and one was really good and one was a disaster. My most recent relationship was the disaster one, so getting back into wanting to date took a while, and by that point I was already seriously into my job and not being able to do much else. So I followed my friend's advice and tried out online dating. It worked well; I met a few people and basically it was chatting and nothing more. I did end up going out on a date with someone after a lot of emails; it didn't pan out because the girl ended up being well, misleading, I guess, is the best word I can choose. So I just stayed with it and met a few other girls via the site, date here, and a date there.
While this has been going on, I met a girl through the site who is a few years younger than I am and was still in college. We talked for a long time, mainly on IM and then moved to chatting on the phone and texting. Early in May we met up, and it was really cool; she's very cute, sweet and funny, as well as smart. As she was heading back to her home, I put my arm around her and walked with her that way and she seemed to like it. We hugged and I went back to my office and she went home. We kept talking and talked on the phone that night for about an hour or so...later in the week, I told her that I liked her. She didn't say it back, but she didn't run away either (I tend to just say what's on my mind; I'm a little too honest for my own good sometimes). We kept talking, texting and IMing.
We decided to meet up this past Monday in the same place we had in May. We talked, laughed and had fun sitting in the shade being cold and all. When I was walking her back to where she had to go to head home, I put my arm around her again, and this time she placed her arm around me too. It was really nice and I haven't had that in a long time (my ex's idea of PDA was to make out with me, not cool)... so we were waiting for her transportation to get to where we were, and I had my arms around her and kissed her forehead and her cheek. I am not one for PDA and so holding her with my arms around her and giving a kiss to her forehead and cheek are already pretty high for me. I looked at the time (I was on my lunch hour) and saw I had to get back otherwise I was gonna be screwed. I told her I had to go, and she looked up and me and we kissed, not like a full makeout, but a simple kiss, and then kissed again. I seriously did not want to go at that point...but did. We texted later (I went to dinner with my dad and granddad) and then we made plans to meet this Saturday. I would drive to where she lives and we would go out and watch the sunset and have dinner (she was going to cook). She has to ask her parents if it is okay because I would be basically seeing her house, and I understand all that (for financial reasons I still have to be at home). I am hoping her parents say yes and I can see her.
But here is where I am confused: I am not one to normally need titles, etc., but I really do not know what to tell my friends, like if I am seeing the girl or not. Also, what the hell do I do about my dating site account? Such unknowns are disasters to me...my ex killed my ability to tell if someone likes me because she was freakin' abusive and such...and trust, well, that went out when she cheated on me, which finalized the break. Am I just overanalyzing? I hate having a psych background for all of this; it kills my ability to tell what's going on without overanalyzing.... last thing, yesterday, she wanted me to come over and I was going to but she had to write a paper, wants to make Saturday happen as badly as I do, and we were IMing later in the evening and she was, like, "ok, I have to work on my paper, can I call you later?" I said yeah, of course, just call when you are done. she called me and we chatted for over and hour.
Our phone convos last for over an hour and our IMs and texts are long too... and yet, my brain can't make sense of anything...
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About the Author
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- From: rockawaysurfer45@xanga
- About Me: currently working in the real world. what more can i say. oh yeah SURFING, RUNNING, BASEBALL. thats all.
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Comments (18)
... what. i don't know what you're confused about?
Maybe she's testing waters out a bit and is unsure? Other than that, it sounds like a relationship, or she's a player. Who really knows but you?
hm, in my opinion it seems you two have some sort of relationship, at least one which is more defined than being simple friends who met online, especially with the shared subtle PDA and constant communication. then again, I might just be naive. Hope it works out for you.
Playing hard to get? Maybe she wants to see how much you really like her. Or maybe she doesn't like you but she does like the attention you're giving her.
I don't really know.
What? It totally sounds like she's interested in you. But if you're looking for any serious relationship, the best thing to do is to go slow if your trust in women are lower than most people. It's not a bad thing to go slow. Get to know her, wait a few more dates before you ask her how she feels about you and if she's looking for a serious boyfriend. Because if she is, then you can then ask her to be your gf....tada your answer.
I think you overanalyzing it means you really like this girl. Good luck!
just go with gut instinct.
"...Love like it has never hurt before..."
She's probably wondering the same thing. My boyfriend and I met online and after a year of getting to know each other through emails, texts, phone calls, and several dates, he officially asked me to be his gf. You shouldn't assume anything until you talk to her. Good luck!
maybe she's analyzing it too...i'd be confused too if i was in your situation.
spelling and grammar check?? Geez.
Not until you ask her if she wants you to be her boyfriend.
@Neurotically_Mine@xanga - No one is perfect in English here, I know I am not perfect. I believe he has no time to double check his grammar due to work and social life.
Anyhow, you can tell your friends that you are seeing some body. I like the way you handle this situation; it is great that you are taking this girl seriously by doing things slowly. You should give her some time, I am sure she finds interests in you because you have been talking/texting her often. You over-analyzing indicates that you are serious in this and I hope she is too. Good luck.
It is clear that you both have an emotional connection, but this does not always necessarily lead to a conclusion that you are officially dating. Physical intimacy is usually more indicative [presumably you both don't just go about kissing anyone unless you were particularly interested in each other and comfortable with each other to that degree]. She is also investing a lot of her time in you, making the effort to cook for you, is prepared to tell her parents about you - these are all signs that you are someone important to her. She calls you when she says she will call you, so she is not attempting to lead you on or find excuses to avoid you.
As for labels, don't be too concerned about it. From her conduct towards you I would definitely conclude that she is interested, and things will likely develop to bring you both closer naturally. So don't be too pressured about "where you stand" - just relax and enjoy each others' company and I'm certain it will progress for the better.
Ask her where you guys stand. Have that talk, you know...
But don't be appearing as "available" on the dating site, she most likely wouldn't like that.
How about you ask HER what she wants out of a relationship with you? Perhaps she could help clue you in if she wants a 'permanent' status as "girlfriend & boyfriend". And you ARE "seeing" this girl, aren't you? Tell it like it is -- long talk, casual dates, you're hoping to go to her house for dinner. Titles and all that silliness will come later.
As for your internet dating account...if you're so into her, who gives a sh*t about the status on your online persona?
you are dating.
Right now, you didn't ask her a) is she seeing other people at this point or b) does she want a serious relationship. Considering that you met her on the site and neither of you brought up the 'rules' to your "status" you're just dating. For all you know, she's dating more than one (it's not a bad thing since she's not your gf yet) and she's trying to figure out which guy she likes more.PLUS you guys aren't REALLY an item until you talk this through, so don't worry about your online account. She's not going to wonder why you're still on that thing because she probably kept it active as well, eh? Dude, just ASK HER straight up, "are we being exclusive or no?" If she says yes, then yeah... she's seeing just you and you can tell your buddies that you're seeing her too. If she says she's currently "Dating" then you aren't the only one she's seeing at this moment because she hasn't decided yet. You told her you really liked her but she didn't say it back...that's probably because she's still figuring things out. (of course I'm speculating while using myself as an example...haha)
Do not get yourself confused...
Man you sound like me! My advice stop over analyzing and chat to her about how you feel
From guy from New Zealand
To me, "seeing somebody" implies a relationship. You have only gone on a few dates so I classify it as "dating." Because you haven't established a relationship with this girl, you are free to keep your dating site account open.