Miss Rhino
The hook-up culture at my college was very unique. In a school filled with southern gentlemen and prim and proper, Lily Pulitzer-wearing ladies, it was surprising to find that they were all a bunch of, for lack of a better term, sluts.
There were the couples that came into college already in a relationship. Those were the only safe ones. Everyone else was subjected to one-night stands, random hook-ups, relationships brought down by the evils of fraternity emails and what intimate details are sometimes divulged in them and all-around relationship chaos.
My favorite and the most common hook-up on campus was the consistent one-night stand. A guy and a girl would go through the week as if they didn't know each other, but come the keg party Friday night, sure enough, they would be having a sleepover later that night. And probably Saturday night as well. On Sunday morning, the girl would gather her clothes and walk back to her dorm, not to speak to her weekend-lover again until the next drunken escapade. Mundane, right?
My friends and I always seemed to fall into this trap. We would start "seeing" a guy, only on the weekends of course, and be perpetually frustrated that he would never IM us/Facebook us/text us/wave at us in the quad during the week. But of course we weren't going to make the first move. The consistent one-night stand was the bane of my existence.
I can't for the life of me understand the point of this game we would play. Was it a ploy on the guy's part to make sure the girl didn't get too attached or too serious about the relationship? Was it the girl's way of playing hard to get?
I went Nancy Drew on this dating mystery's ass. I confronted my consistent one-night stand and was shocked/annoyed at what I found out.
Miscommunication is now the bane of my existence. He thought I wanted to see other people. I thought he wanted to see other people. Half of the time he thought I liked him, the other times he thought I despised him. Half of the time I thought he was a huge man-whore and the other half of the time... well, I still thought he was a huge man-whore.
Moral of the story is: Lay all the cards out on the table. Maybe it's a bad thing that they can't read your Poker Face.
Have you ever experienced a consistent one-night stand? Did it ever turn into a real relationship?
Recommend
Comments (28)
Yeah, I've had a couple consistent one-night stands. I guess you could also call them f*ck buddies, no?... Except you're not really friends otherwise. lol, I don't know, when I was in college, it was nearly impossible to turn these things into relationships 'cause it's hard to trust someone you think is a player, which is what this behavior really comes off as. And I'm sure this goes both ways, guys and girls. I've had conversations with these guys after it was over, and they said they liked me or whatever, but I still wonder if that's just some line or something. Funnily enough, however, one of these intended consistent one-night stands (I don't think either of us wanted a REAL relationship out of it) turned into my now-husband. lol
Maybe it's a bad thing that they can't read your Poker Face. = Great line!!!!
It's sad to see Fraternities put on such a bad name. As a proud Brother of a Fraternity, and speaking only about the time I have spent with my Fraternity, anything mentioned in "Fraternity emails" are just that, restricted information kept only inside the Fraternity. We, and Greek Life as a whole on our campus, are quite proud of who we are, and I have yet to see one member of Greek Life on our campus who I could firmly say is undeserving of being a Brother or Sister on our campus.
Now as for the whole hookup society as you've seen it, I'm sure that the entire campus is not like that. I'm fairly certain that almost all schools nationwide, if not worldwide, have this subset of students. Though perhaps unavoidable, there are definitely ways to avoid/minimize such occurrences; since you've made it this far, I'm sure you know what to do already, so I won't play Mr. Obvious today. :Þ
My last words will be those of "Good Luck" and "I hope you find someone with whom you will not have to suffer your above mentioned banes."
ahhh i'm stuck on this path...constant loop-hole of guys who recently got out of relationships and they find me, a fun, outgoing, easy-to-be with kinda girl...and then i fall head over heels and they don't want another relationship so we just keep mum about what were "doing" for a few months until we go our seperate ways. and then i find out he has a girlfriend about a week after we stop seeing each other. So i just doubt my self
sigh
Er, why don't you just stop going to these parties?
good luck.
@almostlover16@xanga - currently the story of my life, but its been more than a few months and we were friends previously.
@vashts6583@xanga - On the topic of Fraternity emails, I wish my school had a better understanding of the "for the fraternity's eyes only" concept as your school did. In my senior year, a frat mail was sent out to a sorority member and that girl sent it to all the other sororities and it reached the entire campus... from this one email a "Bias Response Team" was formed to annihilate all forms of intolerance, many, many forums were held on gender discrimination and a lot of girls feelings were hurt. It caused the biggest uproar on campus since... I can't even remember when. It makes me happy to know that at least some schools have fraternity men that respect the privacy of their brothers and the things they write in their emails! And thanks for the comment, I can use all the luck I can get!
@almostlover16@xanga - I feel ya girl. I think we need to start a support group!
@cd867@xanga - Your story gives me hope! haha
My last relationship felt like one long one-night-stand.
Feh. I hated that bitch.
Ahh, this sounds too messy. Why not go on a date and talk before jumping in bed?
@a_single_raindrop@xanga - hahahaha good call.
Watch what happens to those who came into university already attached.
Give it maybe a year and the ones who are highschool sweethearts will end up as good friends only. Then again, some actually manage to stay together through all the temptations of diversified population.
Honesty is the best policy, duh.
i'm going through this right now, but summer is about to start for me and we don't live very close to eachother so i don't really know if it's going to go anywhere. =(
ahhh college.
i went through that for most of second semester this year with this one guy. the day after the very last time we hooked up, i asked him if he actually liked me (he had said it a few times) and he was like we were hooking up, but i dont remember saying that. i just wanted to ask him because i didnt wanna worry about it over summer at all. and i was fine, and ready to forget about it.
but the thing is, he still texts me sometimes. a few times he'll say "hey baby i miss you" or just like "whats up" and once he even just straight out said " i wanna fuck you so badly again" what does he want? im on the west coast and hes on the east coast so it not like hes gonna get some from me anytime soon, if ever again. so why does he keep going at it? if someone could somehow explain this to me, that would be great
my last relationship started with a one night stand, i knew him from some mutual friends and one night after a really drunk party, we had a sleep over. it did turn into a relationship because we would consistently see each other just about every weekend even though we lived about an hour away from each other and we thought why not, maybe it could work out. the relationship lasted about 2 years and just ended recently and i find it that we didn't have that much in common but we both still stuck around long enough to hurt each other. but as a girl, the things that bothered me about him became the things that i loved most about him in the end. i don't think it was a bad relationship, it was a lot of work to stay together though. i guess in the end, i felt like i was always doing the chasing and the planning and i became tired of it so i ended it. i can't say that i wouldn't do it again but it would strictly be just a one night stand.
erm wow. that sounds really... bleh. thank god i don't do one night stands
ugh. college relationships are all about vagueness. hardly anyone has a title. people consider me lucky because i have the 'we're exclusive' title....but not the 'he's my boyfriend' title.
uh. uhh. uh.
I'm glad I never lived on campus to experience "college life." I don't need all that crap.
What's wrong with sluts???
And if you know that your school is known for one night stands and random hookups, why even bother dating? Just fuck...It's much more fun than a college relationship...
That's why I choose my college carefully.
@Leitey@xanga - Well, since I ended up going to an in-state school where many of my friends from elementary school and up went, I don't have a problem with not having friends. One of my closest college friends is someone that I met in high school and who also never lived on campus. Some people like having lots of friends and meeting a lot of new people, but I prefer having a few close ones that I talk to often. It's not "too bad," it's just an alternative preference.
On top of that, room and board and a mandatory meal plan is waaaaay too expensive and not my cup of tea.
This is a great post! In my experience, this usually happens because the guy wants less than the girl and he knows it. So he's not gonna bring it up...If you want to know what is going on inside someone's head, you have to ask them.
I wrote a post about this: Say What You Need to Sayhttp://www.hookingupsmart.com/2009/06/02/relationshipstrategies/say-what-you-need-to-say/
You might also like this post: Sexual Attraction + Compatibility = Nothing?http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2009/01/26/hookinguprealities/sexual-attraction-compatibility-nothing/
www.HookingUpSmart.com