An anonymous commenter wrote an interesting response to our
dating after college post:
I tend to think it is much harder for guys, at least guys without a ton of money. I have been out of college for 3 years now, and living in Scottsdale, AZ. I've dated three girls, none got past a third date for some reason. I try hard to meet new people and have done everything I can to expand my social circle to little avail. I now work in mathematics at a university, but all of my colleagues there are married Chinese women. In fact, there is not even another American woman at my job, married or single. So to broaden my horizons I've started going to Church (among other reasons), joined the greeting team there, committed as a volunteer to Big Brothers / Big Sisters, and work as a volunteer to help blind people carry out daily life. Unfortunately, none of my involvement with any of these causes has helped me meet a single woman. Now my schedule is so booked full with work and volunteer work that I've committed to that there is no time for other, outside socialization. I have to rely on the extremely-low-success-rate chance encounters at the supermarket, the bank, etc. which is met 9 times out of ten with a creepy skepticism and a "why are you talking to me? let me get away from you quickly" response. I even feel like a creep doing this, but I would like to connect with someone else so badly at this point that it's worth continually embarrassing myself on the off chance that it actually works out. The three girls I've dated: I met one on an airplane, another at the grocery store while we were waiting to fill up water jugs, and the third at a bar where we were both celebrating our birthdays.I understand all of your concerns, averaging one date per year is not ideal, and finding the "perfect" person is no longer an option, I'm looking to find "any tolerable person". It's hard to understand the concern from women though, at least here in Scottsdale I never see women my age single or even by themselves. Don't get me wrong, there are TONS of beautiful women here, they are just always with some guy (those who appear to me to be wealthy, but this is based just on appearance). I think the bottom line is that for a male to date successfully after college you need to have a lot of money and be willing to spend it conspicuously. Source: Frequent analytical observation; the world around me; years of concern, study, interest, and failureSounds like he's a really good guy who's been unlucky thus far. Best of luck, man - I think volunteering and focusing on faith is a great way to find yourself (and then find the girl).
What advice would you give our commenter?
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Comments (28)
He sounds sorted out enough that he doesn't need advice.
..."and finding the "perfect" person is no longer an option." props
i guess once you fall, you pick yourself up and try again.
go to victoria's secret and meet girls there?
Um I really don't know. Hopefully you will find a great girl. Best of luck to you.
It's people like this who would REALLY benefit from eharmony and the like. I'm serious. I would do it.
A lot of people can feel his frustration. Meeting someone outside of work is difficult now. I guess that's why people date at work, although I don't recommend due to the impending drama that most undoubtedly ensues.
My advice is to first of all to open up your schedule, if you're going to meet some women you're going to have to have time to do it. Not all rich guys get girls, but you'll just have to have a really nice outgoing personality which i think you already have. [nohomo]
eHarmony or Match.com.
I'm not in college and I usually use the coffee shop route to meet new people.
Also- www.okcupid.com ... is my absolute favorite dating website. It's fee, and it's entertaining. I've had plenty of dates from there. Because it's free you wont get the same seriousness as other online dating websites- but it leaves a wonderful atmosphere to make new friends. This could lead you into the social circles you've been missing.
match.com, eharmony.com, ask friends, visit neighboring towns?
It makes perfect sense since women find success attractive in men and a shallow measure of success is obviously money. I would suggest that you not look for women in stores and supermarkets because women don't go to those places looking for dates. They go there to buy things and go grocery shopping. I would suggest going somewhere sophisticated (museum?) so you can be in the right place to make a good first impression before you even open your mouth.
All the girls want to be sitting in a coffeeshop and then suddenly have an amazing connection from a beautiful stranger from across the room, fall madly in love, get married, and have lots of babies. But in reality? If a stranger tries to talk to a girl in the coffeeshop, the girl will most likely think, "ew, creeper!"
Yes, I totally agree that meeting people after college sucks. Where do you meet people? In a bar? I don't want to be a girl-that-can-be-picked-up-at-a-bar by a guy-looking-to-pick-up-girls-at-bars. And too bad I am one of those people looking for "perfect," haha. Tricky.
Props on all the volunteering and church work. I hope that you are enjoying the commitment to serving other people even if it didn't do much to "serve" yourself. I'm curious as to why a do-gooder like you isn't being chased down the street by women. Good luck, sir---you'll figure it out someday.
Any friends know girls who are available? Internet sites?
Or just focus on your faith, and hopefully God will help you find the right one.
You can ask your family members to help find potentials or try going to a dog park :)
Hm... I would have chosen other places to look for potential wifey material. Church is a good place to get to know God lol
If you can somehow get back into college... that would be ideal! Like... finally taking that class you've always wanted to at the community college? AMIRITE? AMIRITE?
If you're gonna find someone... somewhere... college is where it's at! It's doesn't have to be a university and if you find someone in one of those classes that you're actually interested in, that someone might have the similar qualities as you!
Oh man, I'm so SMART! lololol ok it's late at night.
Move.
what's wrong with chinese women
maybe you should moveeeeeee
Just keep living your life. You can meet people in really random ways, when you least expect it... and you only have to meet that one!! You may be trying too hard.
lower your standards
move to new jersey :)
I second the girl who said Okcupid.com. It's highly entertaining and I met my past two boyfriends there. I've been with the second for a year now and things are going strong :) This sounds perfect for you because your situation kind of reminds me of my boyfriends. He had just moved from Texas to St. Louis for a job and he worked nearly all the time so he didn't have much time to meet people...and then he found me!
What movie is that photo from? The actress to the left is in a french movie called "2 Days in Paris" and it closely ties into this topic. Almost perfectly... but that dude to the right isnt in it.
@JanEdichotoMY@xanga - (i personally find that)Chinese women are VERY coy... but I dig that. So its not necessarily a CON over PRO unless you like your women more direct.
@joycemiles@xanga - ahahaha,
no... that wouldn't be creepy at all -___- every man has thought that but
common sense has told us this isnt the best of tactics.
@PrityBrwnEys@xanga - lets not start talking crazy, now ;D housing is good and cheap but... jersey? the fact that you can't do U-turns nor pump your own gas pretty much makes up my mind that i can barely stand to drive thru it much less live in it ;p