It takes me a long time to like or love someone, but I get little mini-crushes all the time. These people aren't necessarily my type - they're enigmatic, catch my attention and make me want to know more about them. After a while, the crushes subside and it's like they'd never happened.
Couple of examples: There was the guy I worked with who shared an obsession with an
obscure-ish musical and whose dad made NYTimes crossword puzzles (crush faded after a month), then the guy in French class who knew five languages and was cool as hell (crush faded after about two weeks)...then the guy who showed up for a pick-up game of soccer who I never saw again (over after about an hour).
So I wonder when you should say something about these crushes to your SO. I think it's best to be open about being tempted, but if it's just fleeting, like in the case of Soccer Guy, it's not really worth mentioning, right?
The other issue is when it's the other way around and people have expressed an interest in you. I don't want to mention these instances because a) I would never act upon them; b) I don't want him to have to worry about it; c) I feel bad about bringing it up. But then again, if I don't say anything, it's like I'm withholding the truth, and I don't want to do that, you know? I feel like that's not honest, and I want to be open and truthful in my relationship.
Should you tell the person you're dating about mini-crushes you have or when people express an interest in you? What are the exceptions?
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Comments (21)
well if you have a SO, I think its better that you rethink your relationship, expecially if you flirt openly with those people. But if your single, Id say it depends on what you want. I personally get to know someone really well before jumping into telling them im crushing
Twice in high school, I've crushed on another guy when I was "dating" someone else. Both times I broke up with the person I was with because I felt it would be unfair to give him partial attention while I looked at some other guy. Of course, I was immature in high school and neither of these were serious relationships, nor was I really expecting them to be. I think it's okay to find other people intriguing (mini-crush if you want to call it that), but flirting and acting upon that impression is a big no. If it grows to a point there you're thinking about that person just as much or more than you're thinking about your SO, there might be a problem that needs to be discussed.
does he tell you about his mini-crushes, or girls who hit on him??
would you honestly want to know about the mini crushes your SO might have? if you do, then you should tell him. go with "treat others how you want to be treated" at all times.
also, i dont think you should really mention anyone flirting with you. it just seems pointless to get your SO all jealous and angry (at the guy) over something like that. unless of course, it was something serious and you felt overtly uncomfortable when a certain guy is hitting on you and its something that you want your SO involved in.
lol i tell my so about the guys that hit on me =X
Haha, uh...crushes are silly in my mind. I talk about them all the time.
For a year, I had this MAJOR crush on a Papa John's pizza guy. Hahaha! My ex was so jealous of him. It was pretty funny, considering he was like...at least 5 years older than me and I had no chance.
I find if I admit crushes, they go away. But only if I admit them to the crush and brush it off like, "Oh, haha, that's so funny, right?"
Hmmm....I don't think you should even have crushes if you have an SO and I do believe in being honest in a relationship...it's your call...
Most of the time crushes fade as you said, but there are always exceptions. If you feel these crushes grow, do something about it. Otherwise, I would leave it alone.
I like to savor all the torturous crush feelings and keep them to myself.
For me, I've always kept the crush to myself. I never revealed it, not even if the guy revealed he liked me. Also, I don't come to terms that I like the guy until the crush is over (in a few cases). But I haven't worried about any crushes since my crush is my boyfriend.
Anyway, I don't think you should crush on guys when you have a SO. But that's just my opinion.
idk to me it's like opening a can of worms because what if you don't get the reaction you were looking for? it's not always pleasant that way, if you're really curious then maybe you should ask your SO about his minicrushes too.
I don't people ever stop getting mini-crushes, even when they're in relationships. It's just natural to look at somebody or interact with somebody and think, "oh, that's attractive." It isn't a problem at all, and definitely not worth mentioning to your SO, unless it's the kind of attraction that makes you seriously question your existing relationship.
I mean, how would you feel if your boyfriend pointed out every girl he found attractive? Chances are he wouldn't shut up. My ex used to say to me, "Of course I think about other girls, but then I weigh the options and you always come out on top." Like, I appreciated his honesty, and I guess he meant it as a compliment, but it always came out hurtful. Even though realism tells me my boyfriend is probably always casually checking out other girls, I don't like to hear him confirm it.
I imagine it goes both ways, so there's really no point in telling an SO "hey, so I saw this hottie at the supermarket today. . ."
my man is too hot for me to have any mini crushes on any other guy.
If you're single and you have a continuous crush, you might want to act on it and it might lead somewhere [it did for me]. But if you're not single, don't tell your SO every time you temporarily like someone else. That would drive me nuts!
Funny I see this on the web. Ha. Well, I've had two crushes during the time I've been with my SO for over three years. Crushes happen. People intrigue other people. I chose to tell my SO because I know I would rather know than not. I would hate to be in the dark.
It's really your call in the end.
They are just feelings. In the end, it's going to come down to actions. Will you act upon your crush? Will you tell your SO? What will you do with the feelings? If they are just fleeting, what is the harm of bringing them up?
It happens. I don't care about this "should" crap. "You shouldn't crush." I hear that all the time. Feelings happen. Like I said, it comes down to actions.
I don't think crushes are worth revealing, because it doesn't mean you like the person. It's just a curiosity that has clouded your mind for a second. However, if it's temptation, I would call the strength of the relationship into question. I believe the right guy/girl can keep a person's eyes to themselves (but that might just be me).
When you realize you have a mini crush on someone, you don't tell your SO, you put a safe distance between yourself and that person so that nothing ever happens.
i would die if my SO was into other people. it would make me sick to thing i was holding them back from acting upon something they want . you'd expect that once you broke up they'd be off seeking out their crush.
they are fun when you are single, but i didn't like to indulge in them when partnered. you have a choice on what you fantasize about, so stop day dreaming and take a good look at your current relationship.
crushes are projections and fantasy.
I told my SO about a one moment kiss I had with someone who I liked.
My SO hates me right now.
I'd stray from it.
If it interferes with your relationship, then tell. But otherwise... yeah.
Don't. Just, don't.
I don't think you can necessarily help having mini crushes just because you're already seeing someone... Why would that part of you just turn off? What you CAN turn off, however, is actually pursuing that person - that's when it becomes a problem.
I don't see the point in telling your SO about these crushes unless it was an interesting story. But if you're not pursuing it, what's the point? You know there's no harm in it, and what will telling him/her accomplish? Nothing really. Perhaps if someone confessed to liking you, I would tell my SO just because it'd be interesting, but not because I would think "SHE NEEDS TO KNOW!" That's just silly.