"Since when is getting a boyfriend so hard?" my friends ask me. Honestly, I have no idea. Things just get harder as we grow up, like school or getting a job or even having a real friend around you. Sorry to say, but we're not in the sandbox anymore. I guess naturally getting love from the opposite sex gets harder, too, as we start to shrivel through our lives.
Before, holding hands/shy kisses marked the beginning of a new relationship when we were still teenagers. Now, even passionate making out doesn't necessarily mean A THING.
Before, hanging out for a few times and flirting oh so casually are sufficient to land you a boyfriend as both are interested in each other. The two of you really want to try something out.
Now, doing the above for a month (at least) or a few plus more passionate making out/holding hands/sleepovers/gentle caressing meanwhile, still leaves you with a big question mark of where exactly this is heading . Is it just a casual thing? Or are we moving to a more serious stable stage? Because this issue was never mentioned.
How long does one have to "date" in the above sense before moving on to the next stage? If a guy is serious about you, how long does it take for him to make a move on being committed?
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Comments (18)
I think it's different for every couple. Some girls have different standards than other girls. Some boys have different standard than other boys. It's important to talk with your SO about this before getting in too deep. Because sometimes, girls will assume they are in a relationship with the boy, but the boy will assume they are only casually dating or vice versa.
Hah, those are the questions running through my mind -_-. I'll ask my friends and get back to you on that.
I guess, like almost every other topic we've discussed in datingish, it depends on the people. Some people just like messing around until -BOOM - yay, they're in love. Confetti flies everywhere! Haha. Others are into the whole if-I-kiss-you-it-means-we're-definitely-official. The best way to know is to talk about it.
Who here thinks "communication" should be datingish's mantra? Seems like it's the answer to everything. Haha.
okay, i don't know
but ya ain't gonna hold my hand
nor kiss me
nor even touch me
if you're not my boyfriend/not going to be my boyfriend
With me, I think that you have to get to know someone, and not hold their hand or make out with them before you get to the boyfriend girlfriend stage.
@HollowTendencies@xanga - basically her idea. I have to know he wants to be with me before I make out and hold his hand.
It depends. For me, I like to hang out and get to know people in a together setting so it can "boil down" to the few people I'm most likely interested in. Even though I still hang out with everyone, I'll start hanging out one-on-one with the person I'm interested in to know if I see them in the future with me. So pretty much if I start dating, it means I see a potential marriage (but as long as it takes). And both of us are committed.
there is no set time. i was best friends with this guy for several years. one day he found a text while digging through my phone. i was talking to a friend about how much i liked him. we got together the next day. now almost four years later we are still so in love and engaged with a 2 1/2 year old son.
sigh i wish i knew. we're DEFINITELY not in the sandbox anymore. =T
From my experience I guess it'd take about one month to 3-4 months for a guy to show he's really in it for the long run, depending on how well I knew him beforehand. I kind of consider a relationship more real and committed when I realize that we both go to each other first for help, comfort, advice, and just to share jokes or good news!
@kkraziemoonn@xanga - That is so cute.
I know this sounds mean, but how about you ask the guy?
I never really use any timelines to figure out if a guy is my boyfriend or not. Normally, if we go out on a few dates and he keeps on insisting that he sees me, then I would ask him if we're exclusive or not. I don't care if in the movies it's always the guys that ask that question. But,
like what @HollowTendencies@xanga said. If a guy isn't my boyfriend or doesn't plan on being my boyfriend, he isn't going to hold my hand, kiss me, or touch me. I want to make sure the guy's clear on what my intentions are so if he disagrees, we both can move on.
shouldn't take very long, if he's head over heels for you, it should be a quick move but if you're working harder for him to actually commit, then trust me it's gonna be a while.
Why is that girl not wearing a shirt?
@kkraziemoonn@xanga - o.O so what were the circumstances that led him to dig thru your phone that didn't have you going postal (pardon me if any dedicated postal employees were offended by that usage LOL) on him?
@heyjuke@xanga - we were best friends. he was just being nosey. i never usually had anything i didnt want him to see. so i didnt care. i was sitting next to him while he was doing it. just completely forgot i had that convo in there.
@kn1ghtviper21@xanga - see the thing with asking is, experience tells me that insisting on seeing you doesn't really mean he wants something serious cause that totally happened to me. EVEN if i ask, he tells me he's serious about us but BAAM, he disappeared a few weeks later.
Pssh, you have to bring it up and save yourself some time. He will do one of two things in response: Run for the hills/diappear with no explanation or warning (which by the way is a no I don't want you as my gf) or say sure I'd like you to be my girlfriend and then introduce you to his friends as such with a cheesy grin. (If he doesn't intoduce you to his friends as his gf you're not his gf .)
@HollowTendencies@xanga - Haha, right on. You don't have to kiss someone to know you like them anyhow.
I think as you get older, you gain more experience, and for most people, as you gain experiences, you gain many painful experiences... So the older you get, the less willing you are to expose yourself to said painful experiences?
It's sad really how ambiguous and presumptuous people are when dealing with touchy relationship issues. I like to put it out there in the open and discuss it with the other person. Otherwise, you can't know for sure exactly what the other person is thinking. Nobody is a mind-reader and you can't give yourself enough credit to say that you know them well enough to know exactly how they're feeling and thinking.
Whoever isn't scared, is going to make the move. I think that's the simplest way to say it. If you're scared, you may not be that serious nor ready to even be in a serious relationship. Serious relationships are only for people mature enough to deal with them, that's what I believe.