Miss Rhino
A friend recently posted an entry from my new favorite website,
Texts From Last Night, on my Facebook wall.
(563): I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It was no surprise she had thought of me when she read that text. Too many times have I fallen victim to the game Never Have I Ever. Just in case you aren't familiar with the rules, the basic gist is that everyone holds up five fingers, and one by one, people say something they have never done. It can be anything from "I have never eaten pig's liver" to "I have never had sex with my mother's best friend in the gardening shed." And if you HAVE had sex with your mother's best friend in the gardening shed, you would put down one finger and bear the brunt of the humiliation (or pride) at having done so.
Every time we play the game, I inevitably get called out for something weird/outlandish/idiotic/strange I have done. It's mortifying, yes, but hilarious? Always. It's especially brutal when you are playing with a group of people who don't know you all that well yet. And in some cases, it may deter them from wanting to get to know you better.
The idea of divulging too much got me thinking about relationships and the level of openness that is appropriate, especially at the start.
As a basic rule, you're never supposed to bring up old flames and ex-boyfriends when you start dating a new person.
That much I can understand. But what about that crazy time on spring break in Cancun two years ago? Ya know, that time you were taken backstage at a club, given a thong bikini and were expected to wrestle another girl onstage while they sprayed water on you. Is that too much information? Does he think you're slutty now? Does he not want to bring you home to his mother?
Sure, it's a great story. Yes, it was a lot of fun. And hey, it's not like you actually went through with it. But is it appropriate to tell your guy at the start of what could be a great relationship? I'm thinking not. Not if you want him to take you seriously. But should you limit who you are as a person in order to win a guy over? And when are stories like that appropriate to tell? If the answer is never, than I better stop going to Cancun.
The getting-to-know-you stage is crucial. Those first interactions and conversations can truly be a deal-breaker. But what happens when the usual 20-questions game leads you to the craziest thing you've ever done? Are you supposed to say that time you got on a band's tour bus after a concert and drove around the country for two months? Or should you tame it down?
How much is too much in the beginning?
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Comments (28)
sounds like an interesting game ;)
I assume when people DON'T have cool stories like that to tell, that they're boring people, and usually just move on. Maybe I'm harsh, but damnit, any one who'll think bad about you for actually having any interesting life is not the judgmental kind of person you wanna be with anyway!
I think you should be open and honest about yourself from the beginning. & to expect the same from them..But ya know..maybe wait for a few more dates?
;p
I don't know..but I ALWAYS lose that damn game!
lol whenever I played it would be like "I have never ... been on an airplane"
"I have never ... broken a bone"
@fLiPgUy31O@xanga - exactly.
btw i love that game. lol. i only played it once though.
Hmm...how early/late in the beginning? Of course it also depends on what kind of person you are and what kind of person ur SO is. Every bf/gf likes to know about each other and eventually, you will have to open up. You don't want to scare the person off on the first date, but give it a month or two and just open up. A relationship is supposed to be honest and if that person likes you, then your past shouldn't matter. Everyone has a past, but it's the present & future that counts the most ^.^
well now, you get to know each other. Then you SHOW the person what your definition of fun is, show them your personality and how your interact so thatwhen you tell them those things, they know you better and dont paint an image at the start.
My ex and I (ex may not be the right word? we're still in love) talked about our exes the first week we started dating.
Maybe it was because we felt that deep of a connection, but it didn't bother either of. We found out we'd been through a lot of similiar situations together and were able to share things about ourselves that were personal, hurtful, and deep. It brought us closer together and never once were we uncomfortable.
I think it depends on the connection you have with the person. When you are truly in love, you do not judge.
There is a Bible verse for that somewhere. :)
@FireMapleSong@xanga - Agreed! My husband has done some things that I DEFINITELY don't approve of, and done some things with girls previously that I DEFINITELY don't like, but OH MAN are his stories hilarious!
You have to have a past. And maybe it's not a common way of thinking, but I would be so turned off by someone without crazy stories. I love hearing them. It doesn't mean you act that way NOW.
@babyblue5201314@xanga - yay someone agrees with me. =D
i've always been honest from the beginning of any relationship, ask what you want to ask and i'll tell you...never been one to hide it because i never want it to be a surprise to him...
I used to play a similar game in middle school, but instead of holding up fingers, we'd drink if someone said something that we've done. (No, we didn't drink alcohol, it was sparkling apple cider. And none of us grew into drinking fiends.)
That said, because we were all friends and hung out together a lot, we knew that certain things would be inappropriate to bring up. Not just that, but all except one of us were girls. It's much easier to share things among the same gender...unless the person is gay and looking for a potential mate or something.
I say too much about myself when I first met someone. I try not too but, I always end up telling them everything. Why I do this, I don't know?
I'm going through the same thing now, I like this guy and we start still getting to know each other and he has realized that I am crazy and weird and I do try to refrain from saying too much for fear that he will change his mind about me. Problem is that maybe sometimes what we divulge isn't crazy but something normal and that's what will be the deal breaker.
You have no idea of knowing what the guy will think about ANYTHING and anyways don't you want to be with someone who knows everything about you and still falls in love with you? Of course it's easier to say these things after a while together so he doesn't run away but at the same time, don't you want to know if he is secure enough and manly enough to accept your past?!
There shouldn't be deception between friends/partners. It works both ways - you should tell your partner things they need to know about you, but also they should accept you for who you really are if they choose to be with you [as they have an alternative of not being with you if they can't accept something about you]. Before revealing some particularly disturbing details about yourself, it might be considerate and appropriate to gauge the proper time, and prepare him emotionally if you think he might not approve.
we usually just call it 'i never...' -- (it's shorter and easier to remember!)
i really don't know the answer to your question...but i agree with @fLiPgUy31O@xanga. On the other hand, everyone has done something crazy... and your potential SO should be able to accept you for who you are...so I'm not too sure.
This makes for a fun drinking game :)
@a_single_raindrop@xanga - Haha oh don't worry, people always know to get me out with "Never have I ever eaten a hamburger..." Which isn't fair because I'm sure THEY have eaten a hamburger... totally defeats the purpose of the game haha
@missedout_onlife@xanga - We are completely on the same page!! I just hope there is someone out there who can accept that I am.... one of a kind. Hahaha
@whitetrashpoet@xanga - I totally agree! I guess my biggest concern is that even though those stories don't reflect who I am now, they might think they do. It might be hard to gain their trust at the beginning of the relationship if they have that idea about me in their head already... yikes!
@FireMapleSong@xanga - im with this guy 100%
@missrhino - i do agree with this too though, as i myself, am nowhere as wild as i used to be
We call it ten fingers (because we start with ten instead of five, for one). :P I always "lose" too, but I secretly consider it winning. (;