Miss Rhino
I've been dropping hints like crazy! Ignoring phone calls, not responding to texts, being very short with him when I do respond. He's a great guy, but he's not for me. I want to let him down easy before things get too serious. But he just doesn't seem to understand that our time together is coming to an end.
What happens when the guy you've been seeing doesn't get the hint that it's time to take a hike?
Let me paint you a picture: I started hanging out with this guy over winter break my senior year of college. Nothing too serious, all very fun. I went back to school and we kept in touch via the occasional text message. I enjoyed my last semester of college to the fullest. A new romance had blossomed and then wilted almost as quickly as it had started. Winter break guy was a distant memory. But the moment I got back home, the calls and texts started pouring in. He offered to take me out for a ride on his motorcycle. Who could deny that offer?
From the minute he pulled up, I knew the spark was gone. Not even his edgy motorcycle could pique my interest in him. As we rode through town, I tried to imagine that scene from Factory Girl where Sienna Miller is on the back of Hayden Christensen's motorcycle, and they ride off into the sunset together looking all kinds of sexy. But I knew that when my guy took off his helmet, the illusion would be shattered, leaving me utterly disappointed.
Even though I knew I was no longer interested, that wasn't the case for him. Every morning I would wake up to a text waiting in my inbox from him, and every night he was there wishing me sweet dreams, with 50 other messages throughout the day. It was too much.
I need a guy that makes me work a little bit for his attention. A clingy guy is as unflattering as a clingy dress on what I like to call "fat days".
I proceeded in the usual manner. I avoided hanging out with him, using excuses like, "Oh, I forgot I already made plans tonight" or "I really need to see the season finale of Gossip Girl," and then the next night "I really, REALLY need to see the season finale of 90210." When we did hang out, I avoided all contact and gave him the cheek at the end of the night. Any other guy would have been fed up at this point and moved on to the next girl, at least from my experience.
It wasn't until he showed up (uninvited, mind you) at my door on a night that I had mentioned I was having a few friends over that I really let him have it. He came in and hung out for a couple hours. I ignored his presence for the most part. I was too busy playing the role of the good hostess. I had to tend to everybody. But when he asked if I wanted him to stay I had to tell him the truth. I sent him away saying that I was spending time with my friends, and I'd prefer it if he went home. Honestly, I probably worded it a bit harsher than that. It
was after a few cocktails.
Needless to say, he was pissed. He sent me a few biting text messages saying that he "doesn't get me". I thought he had finally gotten the message. I was just not that into him.
I woke up the next morning relieved to find no good morning text message waiting for me. I felt bad, of course. But I wasn't about to spend the rest of my summer playing cat and mouse games with a guy I wasn't interested in. I was ready to move on. But what would be the point of this post if there wasn't a twist at the end?
At approximately 11:30 a.m., my Blackberry buzzed:
"Had fun with you and your friends last night! We should take a dip in my hot tub soon!"
Seriously?!?!
Has this ever happened to anyone else? I dread confrontation, and the last thing I want to do is tell him point-blank that I'm not interested, but it looks like he has left me no choice. How do you let a guy know that you're just not that into him?
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Comments (58)
Just be honest, and tell him as nicely as possibly. He sounds like a nice person and rejection can be scarring. Maybe you can be friends with him?
just be clear! no more "hints" hahaha. he's obviously too dense or persistent/crazy.
Tell him straight out that you can't think of him any other than just a friend. I had a guy who was into me when I wasn't, and he didn't let up until I got a boyfriend. You don't even mean to, but you're just dragging him along by not telling him the straight-up truth.
AHHAHAHHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAH BORAT!
um yeah "hints?" that you're breaking up or not gonna see him in the future? that's kinda douchey. and kinda still a bit like leading him on. tell him the truth. wtf. nobody wants hints that you're not wanted, what a horrible puzzle THAT is to solve.
I think he's just persistently hopeful. it's YOUR fault for not saying it CLEARLY as possible. Okay, you're ASSUMING that the situation was in reverse, YOU'd GET the hint, but he's not you. Stop thinking that he's understanding your obvious actions because he's oblivious and blinded by whatever emotiona has wrapped up in his head.
Why didn't you just tell him, "I'm not looking for a boyfriend" and save yourself the trouble. Or rather "I think we should be friends" or whatever cliche that men and women universally understand because he's hopeful. He's like a clingy girl who's overcoming all obstacles, deluding himself in the once-rosy memories you two have shared in the past, crossing his fingers that those moments will come alive again, once you're finally settled in being interested in him again. Don't avoid his calls or texts or evade the situation where you have to be crystal clear; then hes probably rationalizing your intent in saying you'd prefer tv shows than hiys company, because you're hurting him in a long-term kind of way. There's no way to sugarcoat this thing, say it in a simple sentence: "I am no longer interested in you, we could be friends if you'd like, but I'm not looking for a boyfriend." There. If he doesn't get that, then he's just stupid. ahahGuys don't usually get "hints" so...just be straight up with them. Sure, it will hurt their feelings but it's better to be honest than to unintentionally give him false hope.
For every "No" you don't say outright, there is a false hope he sees. You don't want to be mean but girl, this is the worst form of communication. Tell him flat out. No more hints.
just tell him straight up. no point in dragging it out more. just say, look i'm not interested in you anymore. and etc etc. sometimes you got to be mean...
I think it's cowardly and immature of you to have led him on as you have. Although you think your hints were "obvious" they were probably more subtle than you think. A lot of girls play hard to get in the same way you've "acted" so, being blunt is the best thing to do, and he has every right to be angry. Let him save his charm for someone who'll appreciate it.
damn. i would flip out on him after that. haha. let him have it.
I have just had this happen to me too! I dated a guy for a week and then decided I wasn't that into him. But, I told him straight up that I wasn't into him. It was weird, but the next few days he went from one extreme to another. He told me that I was a jerk and then the next he told me that he couldn't wait to go canoeing with me in the summer. I was dumbfounded. I had to change my number because he wouldn't stop texting/calling me after repeated and polite requests to stop. 5 months later, with no interaction, he shows up at my apartment! He proceeds to argue with me about why I decided to stop dating him and then asks me out twice! I told him I would email him, but hopefully after 2 weeks he has gotten the hint. Some men are so weird sometimes! Just tell him you are not into him and if you have to change your number, do it. Hopefully he doesn't go psycho on you and show up at your apartment 5 months later! Good luck.
How do you let a guy know that you're just not that into him?
You tell him.
Guys prefer honest communication. We're dense. We're not mind readers.
Men and women both do not do well with hints. Tell him straight out that you're "just not in to him" or he'll keep poking around waiting for you to fall madly over your heels.
You already answered your own question. Tell him point blank that you're not interested. Duh.
Tell him you're not interested and stop hanging out with him! The poor guy is probably confused.
I had a guy who was very much interested in me and that I was not interested in as anything more than a friend. I told him he was a friend and he just couldn't get the hint. He would ask to hang out and I would sy yes just to be nice, because we were friends and we worked together.
He was an asshole and he admitted it, I admitted I was a bitch and he thought we'd get along great. But we didn't. He could dish it out but he could not take it. So he'd get easily offended and I realized I don't really want to be friends with him either.
There were periods of time where he wouldn't text or talk to me at all, and then out of nowhere DEPERATELY want to hang out. I would make up some excuse, like work, to say no thanks. Until I decided to say
"I can't this week, I work a lot and my only day off is Thursday and it's my bf's day off too so we're gonna hang."
I did not say I had a boyfriend, I said bf, which could also mean best friend. He assumed I meant boyfriend and hasn't talked to me since. And I do have a boyfriend now.
;D
ahha
I'm such a bitch
>.<
No more hints, drop the Bomb on him already.
hahah wtf! i can't believe he sent you that after you were clearly saying you didn't want him there! ah some guys just don't get the hint, at all.
this guy sounds EXACTLY like one of my guy friends right now... when my ex and i broke up, he sent me millions of texts, sweet dream wishes, and the like. we barely know each other i am not the least bit interested in him! he actually annoys me quite a lot, and i try to be so obvious that i don't like hanging out with him anymore but he never gets the hint. i tried everything you did, from acting uninterested to sending one-word text responses. he just doesn't get it! i don't want to be mean but i'm going to have to tell him to stop soon. he's just getting creepy/annoying, especially because my ex and i are still pretty close. i tell him that all the time, but he doesn't care. it's like he completely blocks out everything i say.. about how i'm not looking for anything right now... about how i just picture him as a friend. he's too determined but it's not going to happen!
good luck with your situation!
Either a very very naive guy....or you just found a hopeless romantic.
Direct is the best way to go, period.
I hate this phrase. The movie was awful too.
Honesty is the best policy. duh. Wouldn't you want him to be honest with you?
at times like these, i just back off.. but yeah, texting everyday? i don't even do that.. for me, it's once in a while when i'm not busy... but yeah, i don't like hints; i rather heard it straight up... with hints, it tells me to back off, but it doesn't mean stop persuing, it just means she's not ready yet but she might be ready later.. so if you really want him to stop trying, just pull the d'mn trigger so he doesn't hurt any longer; there's that saying the longer it is dragged, the longer it takes to recover.
aw. why is it when i read your blog, i felt this overwhelming sense of sadness and pity for that poor bloke. he's obviously clueless. or really desperate. i'd choose clueless. because we're talking about a man here. hahahah, ok jokes aside, i feel sorry for the poor guy. you seemed really cold towards him, and i know what you mean, i probably wouldve done the same thing to avoid a confrontation, and awkwardness. but sometimes. you have to be plainly obvious. just so, you know, he actually gets the hint.
;) best of luck ♥
Sometimes honesty is the best policy. Nobody likes letting another person down or breaking up with them because it means hurting them in some way. Beating how you feel around the bush didn't seem to work, so you're going to have to be blunt with him. The way I see it, by telling him how you feel is actually doing him and yourself a favor because at least he doesn't have to find out the hard way by finding out on his own how you feel.
Lol before I began dating my boyfriend, we were pretty good friends. Everybody knew that he liked me (including myself), but I didn't say anything. I wanted to see how long he would pursue me ... ahha >.>
When he asked me to date him, I honestly did not like him in that way. But I didn't want to hurt his feelings; however, I thought I would regret it in the future, so I acceptedd and he's been my boyfriend for three years. :D hahah
There was two other guys who liked me. One who always, whenever he caught my eye, would mouth "I love you" to me... Ew, that was really weird. He was my boyfriend's friend, and when he realized I was dating my bf, he backed off.
Another guy ... I knew him for a long time, and he admitted that he had a crush on me. For about 4 years, we talked until just recently, my boyfriend threatened him. Now he doesn't talk to me at all.
I guess if you really want the guy to back off, firmly tell him "I don't like you. Get away." or else they'll keep coming on strong, no matter what.