Miss Alligator
Ethan had been my guy friend for three years. We met in my photography class, and I had a like/hate relationship with him. Sometimes he was annoying, and sometimes he was decent. Towards the third year of our friendship, he actually became a good friend of mine.
Fast forward to second semester of my senior year. Via the internet, I was getting in touch with guys that were going to go the college I planned to attend that upcoming fall. I began talking to a guy (who I'll call Ben) much more experienced than I. I'd never even been kissed by a guy at this point in my life. This guy wasn't a virgin, and he seemed to like some of the pictures I had on my Facebook. He flirted with me and I flirted back. We eventually made plans to hook up when we met each other at college. (Ridiculous, I know)
So, because of these plans, I decided I needed to get some experience before I went and did things with a very experienced guy. I didn't want to be bad at it. So I was talking to my friend Ethan about it, and we decided that he and I would experiment a little before I went off to meet this other guy.
So one day, in the beginning of the summer, he and I met up at his house. We drank a bit of alcohol, (he'd said it would calm my nerves, so I drank it).
We then went down to his basement, and he kissed me. He kissed me a few times more, laid me down on the couch, took my clothes off, and tried to stick his penis in places it did not belong. However, I went along with it. I didn't object then, although I wish I had. We couldn't get it to stay in, so we gave up after a while and I watched him masturbate into the toilet. He had to get rid of all that buildup somehow. (Romantic, I know..) That, my friends, is how I lost my virginity. It sucks, but it's the truth, thanks to my stupidity.
We had sex a couple other times after that. The next time we had sex after that first time was in a one person bathroom at a museum in D.C. We were in D.C. and horny - that's the best way I can explain why we did that, I guess. We also had sex in my basement. We got caught by my twin brother (most awkward moment of my life), so we had to continue our sexcapade in the bathroom in that basement. We also hooked up at a party a mutual friend of ours was having. He felt me up and I gave him a blowjob in the woods while the rest of our friends at that party played Man Hunt.
So the reason I went through all of this? One boy. It wasn't even for the guy I was hooking up with. He was just receiving benefits from the whole ordeal. The guy who I was doing all this for was extremely mad at me once he found out that I'd had sex with someone else. I had no idea that guys liked nailing first-timers. I stupidly thought he'd be glad I had some experience so I could be better for him or something. He was majorly jealous. He ended up telling my best friend (who I hadn't told) about EVERYTHING. She was super mad at me. It even caused trouble with E., as I've talked about.
So anyway. I did all this for Ben. A boy who I hadn't even met in person yet. I never ended up even getting with Ben. I was too mad at him to do that. In a fit of jealousy after receiving the news about my sexcapades with Ethan, he contacted my best friend and informed her of all the stupid things I'd done. She was disappointed in me. I was disappointed in me. I hate that I settled for less. I didn't respect myself. I didn't start respecting myself until my current boyfriend came along. That was when I realized I was worth more than random sex. Thank god for him, eh?
I guess the reason I wanted to share this story was because it seems that not enough young women these days have much respect for themselves. I've heard too many stories of girls doing stupid things (e.g. sexual things) to impress a guy. Well, let me tell you - it rarely ends up being worth it. It definitely wasn't worth it in my case.
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Comments (27)
that's actually kind of funny, especially the part where he jerks off into the toilet while you watched.
What a mess. This is awful. I hope now you know better.
oo dang thats all sorts of awful. no i was the type who was like, "i'm a virgin, and i'm waiting for someone who doesnt suck. if you dont like that, you can suck it."
(i found someone who doesnt suck.)
Wow, I admire your bravery for sharing this story...but it's a good one to share. Maybe it will save a girl from doing something she will majorly regret later
Thanks for sharing. Good advice.
thanks for being brave enough to share this story. i hope your experience will help others in thiers. it just shows the immaturity/inexperience of all involved in this story...the guys are included. i admire you for wanting to gain experience, but for all the wrong reasons. it seems you learned from your "mistake" and that is what is most important.
and no...not all guys want to bag a virgin.
it's all just a low self esteem/inexperience with lifeand relationships/immaturity thing..not to mention foolish. I know i shouldn't be criticizing you...I feel bad for you
wow. thanks for being so brave and caring enough share this and be so honest.
Thanks for sharing your story. You offered some helpful advice.
i think a lot of young girls feel they need to impress boys this way. or they're wanting intimacy but not sure how to get it in other areas. i say this from experience. i went through high school feeling used and then finally realized that i was basically giving them permission to hurt me. my heartbreaks were initially caused by my immaturity and lack of self respect. its a hard lesson to learn but better learned at an earlier age. hope all goes well with your current boy...
Well, you shouldn't have told Ben you were sleeping with another guy, especially if you liked him.
That would pretty much dampen the entire relationship for any guy.
It's great how you shared your story, it gives young girls an inspiration not to do stupid things they'll regret later.
worng way !?
I'm mad at Ethan, How can a good friend LET you do this? I mean, while you're getting trouble with your best friend and the guy you wanted, is he getting off scot free? Having experience in the actual act of sex is one thing, giving oral couldn't have been your idea, no? Did you at least get something equivalent in return? I mean, ETHAN is getting what every horny man wants; a f*ck buddy, and better yet, you don't even want something of a relationship AFTERWARDS because you're 'learning' for Ben, WTF?
And the fact that Ben assumed that you are actually going to sleep with him, even though you guys flirted online, is RIDICULOUS. You romanticizing the situation is one thing... Him having the experience of being somewhat of a slut is a whole another thing... I'm just glad you learned something, don't EVER settle and having a lot of experience in the sexual department is NOT a huge deal. If anything, many attempts to keep that number low....younger women are out to get experiences of the sexcapade need to treat themselves with respect.
i totally agree. thanks for sharing :]
damn.
This story is a little fucked up.
Kinda, really... fucked up.I'm glad you shared it.@kor_girl@xanga - I'm going to have to agree with you 100% on this one. Ethan wasn't a good friend to you. If he cared, he would've said "Stop, you're being ridiculous, why do you have to do this for a guy like that", but instead he milked the situation, took your virginity and then milked things along the way. He should've gotten in there and stopped you, and made you feel as if you deserved better than what you were settling for.
I saw your comment on my article, BTW - and I want to go ahead and tell you, it's not too late. To stop this and never, ever do it again. I've visited your site and I've seen your stories. It's not too late to stop rushing into things purely based on sexuality. Make a promise to all of us here, and especially, to yourself - DO. NOT. EVER. SETTLE. AGAIN. EVER. Do you hear me?!??!
OHHH mmm geee
Well, lesson learned... and you've moved on succesfully. That's nice
Thanks for going into details.
What did Ethan think of all this?
Wow. Thanks for sharing.
@atmaster@xanga - Hahah, yeah, looking back, the jerking off in the toilet dealio was pretty weird to watch :P
@photse@xanga - I definitely know better now!
@LlothoftheDrow@xanga, @SnowGlobe2954@xanga ,@BusiBeth@xanga,@ichigo705@xanga, @unPREDICTABLEE@xanga, @babyblue5201314@xanga,@buddy71@xanga - No problem. I just wanted to get this out there so others don't make the same stupid mistake I did.
@JanEdichotoMY@xanga - Oh, I know I was all of those things. Unfortunately, I've heard of a lot of girls who have been promiscuous as a way of trying to deal with all the things you mentioned. That's why I shared this story -- so other girls realize that doing what I did was not the way to go about solving problems like this.
@CatyBug22@xanga - Mhm, I totally getcha. You're right -- it's a hard lesson to learn, but sometimes a necessary one.
@Lordv16@xanga - I know that now, but then, I didn't know shit about how to deal with guys. This is exemplified by my stupid behavior.
@kor_girl@xanga - Meh, yeah. I'm mad at Ethan too. I learned the hard way that he is in fact an asshole. The oral wasn't my idea, but he egged me on, saying I should at least try practice a little on him. I got some shitty oral in return. He was kind of bad at everything, now that I look back on this whole situation...hah. I'm glad I've learned something, too. I wouldn't know what I know now if not for this whole ordeal.
@Coffee_Kaioken@xanga - Oh believe me, one of the best things my current boyfriend is taught me is how to have self-respect for one's self. I'm definitely done with random sexcapades. Not settling for less ever again. Promise! :P
@MOJOJONO_X2@xanga - Ethan was like '... whatever' when all the drama arose. He also continues to ask me if we can hook up whenever I'm home from college. My answer has been and will continue to be "Hell no."
i have never hooked up just for the experience, i've always done it because i liked that person but not enough to have a full committed relationship and i just like having sex. i've only hooked up with 2 guys and they're my regular guys that i call when neither one of us is dating anyone else. i have respect for myself, i've never done it just because everyone else is doing it.
thank you soo much!
u r great. this inspires me to respect myself. really helpful blogs. 100 thumbs up if i had that much. [:
I love that you're so honest about everything. And you've learned from your mistakes. I hope to take a lesson from this but I think I'm doing okay right now.