Tuesday, 02 June 2009
-
I've Been Having Thoughts About Cheating...
Have you ever had serious thoughts about cheating?Last week was the first time I have ever seriously thought about it. I have been with my girlfriend for almost three years now and I had never really contemplated it before. I mean I've seen girls that I thought were hot and I might have wondered what it would be like, but those thoughts were just normal passing thoughts. I never lingered on any of them or considered doing anything.
I met a girl last week who is just cool as shit. We had talked before online and she happened to be going to a function that I was attending as well. We met up at the place and had a cup of coffee afterward.
She was smart, down to earth, and very much my type. She wanted to hang out more that night, but I knew I had to cut the night short. I was feeling things I did not want to feel.
Over the next few days I found myself thinking about her a lot. I was playing different scenarios out in my head about how the night could have gone differently and what I could have done. I wanted to stop, but I couldn't get her out of my head. I still can't.
I love my girlfriend. I love her very much. I do not want to do anything to mess this up or to hurt her. What can I do to make myself stop thinking about this other girl? Please tell me this will just pass. This sucks.
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: ContemporaryInsanity@xanga
- Name: ContemporaryInsanity
- Location: Atlanta, Georgia, United States
- About Me: This site is about exploration and experimentation. If you happen to enjoy, then that is wonderful too.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 3 Views: 0 6008 Comments: 0 191 View all posts by ContemporaryInsanity@xanga
Comments (86)
Dude, all you've gotta do is suck it up and stop talking to this girl. Let her find someone else.
Sounds like you've got a little crush, haha. I had a similar experience before, & when I got rejected from the person I was having a crush on, I got over that person. So either that, or time, will help you get over this person.
Maybe you just pine for the fun and excitement of the beginnings of a dating phase... maybe you need to spice things up with your girlfriend so things don't feel stagnant... do some crazy stuff together... take a trip... anything
You cant help the way u feel. Hopefully it doesnt come to the point u cheat on ur girlfiend unless u dont care that u ruined a good relationship to have a one night stand. Dont leave someone u love for someone you like. goodluck!!!!
just dont talk to her! trust me, it'll probably go away. i made this mistake before (only i wasnt happy in my relationship) and it changed my life... and i never got another chance with my ex, after only talking to another guy and messing up everything i had.
you usually only go looking for something else when you're not happy with what you have, i think at least.
like msnatalie27 said, it probably seems like something new, fun and exciting but try to mix it up or try something new with your girlfriend. seriously, if you really love her (like i loved him) don't mess it up, you'll regret it so much....
Don't talk to that girl ever again. focus on your girl.
If you're still talking to that other girl, then cut her loose. If you're not and you'll never see her again, then why waste time on hypotheticals? These feelings will pass.
If you love your girl as much as you say you do, then you shouldn't even need to read any of this. Cheating's for little boys who like to pretend they're men. Real men never cheat.
Grow some backbone, dude.
Just don't pursue the crush.
Maybe there is a small underlying issue? Think about and talk to your woman, communication is key. This will probably pass, I'd say let the other girl go and focus on your relationship but by doing new stuff. Cheating is the worst thing ever. If you love your SO like you say you do, you won't make the wrong choice. Cheating is a choice not an accident.
It's normal to crave something new after years of being with the same person. That being said, you are probably only interested in this girl because she is new and it's exciting. I'm sure you felt the exact same way when you first met your current girlfriend. The longer you're with someone, the harder you have to work at keeping the spark alive. My advice is to cut off all contact with this new girl. You probably shouldn't have met up for coffee in the first place. If you explain to her that you have a girlfriend that you "love very much" and wish to limit your contact with her, she should understand. And if she doesn't, she is a homewrecker and I suggest you run in the other direction before you get sucked in.
You have to wonder what you'll do in the future if things like this occur but you can't just "walk away," like a co worker or something. Do you think you'll have the ability to shut off your attraction to her and be loyal? If not, maybe you shouldn't be wasting your girlfriend's time. I'd be pretty upset on her end if I knew about this.
I've been in your girlfriend's situation, and I kind of feel like I would've tried to be understanding about it if he would've just told me about it these "urges"...meaning I'd tell him to do whatever he wants to do, and I'd possibly break up with him.
There's two things you can do: tell her that you DON'T want to cheat, but you have to get the urge of "what if?" out of the way. This doesn't mean you should roll in the hay with this other girl, but you can try hanging out a bit. Worst case scenario, you lose your girlfriend, and well, what I learned from my old relationship is not to hold on to things too hard.
The other thing you can do is cut the "other woman" out of your life, and move on and ignore those "what if?" urges you've been having. It all depends on how much your girlfriend means to you.
Like others said.. stop talking to her. Focus on your girlfriend, and don't hurt her.
Look, you need to make a decision. Either you want to go after the new girl (in which case you had better break things off with your gf, which WILL hurt her.) Or you want to stay with your gf (in which case, you had better stay away from the new girl). Don't give yourself the opportunity to get into any compromising situations.
If you really love your girlfriend, completely cut the other girl out of your life. End of story.
if you can't do that, end it with your girlfriend. she doesn't deserve that.
@tokyoexpressman@xanga - AGREED.
It sounds like you like your girlfriend a lot to stop yourself from cheating, what a real gentlemen. Maybe your gf is boring....? Like msnatalie27@xanga said, you should try to make things more exciting with your gf.
I think the easiest thing to do would be to end all communication with this new girl if she's too much of a temptation.
Otherwise, end it with your girlfriend if you're going to pursue the new girl. Cheating is lame.Â
Immediately stop talking to the other girl completely, if you really do not want to mess up your relationship.
Make a new spark with your girlfriend.
You're a good guy for not thinking with your "other head". You used your brain and went back to your girlfriend without doing something wrong.
So basically, I agree with a lot of the people who have commented hah.
been there, man. i don't know what to tell you. if it continues after weeks, then you know what you must do.
just don't cheat b/c you have to live with that.
also, think about why you might want to be with her, realistically. it is fun? new? exciting???
it helps. then think about why you chose the girl you're with.
Don't contact her or talk with her ever again. Lingering thoughts are dangerous...
Either dump the girl you are with, or stay with her, you can't have it both ways. It's not just you and your emotions that are involved. So, get over yourself and make a decision. This advice is coming from a woman whose ex-fiancee cheated on her. Trust me when I tell you that the pain would have been far less had he been man enough to break up with me upfront, rather than grow distant from me as he was banging her on the side. P.S. He got her pregnant and they are now engaged to be married. P.P.S He doesn't know that I am also pregnant. So cut your current girl out of the picture, or keep her. Make a decision and man up to it.
I never have thoughts of cheating in a truly happy relationship.
Think about why you want to stray, and then if you really want to be with this new girl, or you want to be away from your old one.
In any event, if you're having thoughts of cheating, that's not indicative of you being an asshole. It probably means you're not happy with something. Figure out what it is and fix it if you can. If you can't, I suggest getting out of your current relationship(s) and giving yourself a little "me-time".
PS, everyone saying you need to stop talking to this girl...well, I think that's a little silly. You're in control of your actions, right? You should be able to control yourself. There's no "accidents" with these sorts of things. You make the choice to either be with someone or not. There's no use in throwing out a possibly wonderful friendship over silly feelings you may be able to get over or let blossom into something new.
The decision isn't so easy. It's not going to be black and white, no matter what people may want you to think.
Girls are very tricky. They will do anything to get what they want. I wouldn't be supprised if she's pretending to be exactly what you want b/c she wants you. But I could be wrong. I'm just saying before you think she's really your type or ever cheat on your g/f I'd make sure you truelly know her.
p.s. (out of everyone's advice I agree with Mangonese@xanga the most. ;)