Tuesday, 02 June 2009

• Don't Put Anyone on a Pedestal

  Miss Walrus  

  Isn't it crazy how sometimes you think you know all of someone - only to find out there is a WHOLE side of him or her that you never even knew existed?

  Lately I've been hanging out with a guy who I have known for about eight years now.  We were always just friends and we always had a lot in common...including an impeccable taste in music, even if he did argue with me about liking The Grateful Dead.

  So, at first I knew him as an eccentric, kinda odd character who wore good clothes, listened to killer music and hung out with some really smart kids I grew up with in elementary school.  I didn't know the term "hipster" then (I think I actually called him a "scenester" to my less culturally-intelligent friends), but I think that's kinda what he was.  We got along on a very deep level.  We were both kinda paranoid, from the same city and hated authority, for the most part.  I put him on a pedestal.  I knew he was intelligent and I looked to him for advice and guidance.

  Then, three years later, the two of us decided to attend the same college.  I was a bit of a psuedo-hippie and loved that the song "Ohio" by CSNY was all about my soon-to-be campus.  He, on the other hand, wanted to come because of our art education program.  He ended up making friends with lots of kids he met in the studio - kids with similar tight pants and black hair.  My friends had dreadlocks.  We sorta drifted apart, but if I ever needed anything, I knew he had my back.  I still considered him one of my best friends and trusted his judgment and view of the world.  He dated two of my now best friends and that's how I actually met both of them.  This helped solidify my view of him - if he could meet and attract such awesome chicks, he MUST have something right.  I had a crush on him, too.  I think it was one of those "you want what you can't have" sorta things.  We had been friends for so long that I didn't think he'd ever see me any other way.

  Eventually he dropped out of college and I stayed around to finish up my degree (still workin' on it).  After he moved home, we actually became better friends than we were in high school or our freshman year of college.  I started to see another side to him, though - one which included "tagging" our city and getting himself involved in some pretty ridiculous social circles.  I found out through some mutual friends that he had kinda always dabbled in this kind of illegal stuff.  But, because I had always had him on that pedestal, I never actually realized or understood how bad it was.  I had him up on that pedestal.

  Now, he is actually staying at my apartment for a week while he tries to pick up the pieces of his life - which, inevitably, fell apart last week (..again) due to some stuff he got himself involved in.  Here I am, hanging out with someone who I used to look up to whose (adult) life is now in shambles because of some bad decisions.

  I think we not only do this in friendships, like I did with this guy, but in relationships as well.  Maybe on an even deeper level. NOBODY is perfect.  And when you start to imagine that someone is - it hurts that much more when they turn out to have flaws.

  Did any of you ever put your lovers on a pedestal? Have you ever been so blinded by your love or admiration of them that you didn't see their flaws - until it was too late?

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