Tuesday, 02 June 2009
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If You Can't Fall in Love The First Time, What about The Second Time?
Can two people fall in love after a failed relationship the first time around? My SO and I were together for nearly three years, and then he broke up with me because he did not love me. A year went by and he contacted me again. After much trepidation, we are now back in a relationship. He has said to me that he cannot imagine being with anyone else. I feel the same way.
I love him. I have always loved him. But he can only say how much he likes me. Even if we make comments about a future together, I have heard nothing about love from him.
We are trying again, but I have to know - if you can't fall in love the first time, what about the second time?
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Comments (38)
I don't want to have the second time ...
dk i personally would not have gone back unless i heard it. a lot.
Maybe you didn't know how much you needed each other the first time.
i'm not really sure what to tell you about this. i'm still just wanting a second chance with my ex. :(
I would be very cautious this time around..
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - Yeah, I agree with you on that one.
It's possible that you might not have realized how much you needed each other the first time.
Anyway, best of luck and I hope things work out for you the second time around because seriously, second chances with an SO are a rarity in life.
I believe it's possible. A lot can change in a year. I think about the people I'm around for several years, and each year, I have had a different mindset. So have they. People's perspectives and mindsets change with life experiences. Which of course, I'm sure you know. I'm just throwing it out there.
Not saying things will go as you're hoping this time around... but I wouldn't rule it out completely. Just proceed with caution. Trust me, I've gone back enough times to understand feeling a fool.
Just be careful :)
@serendipity3m@xanga - agree with you.
just be careful and guard ur heart. u dont know his intentions just yet so u dont want to end up with a broken heart again
People change, people make mistakes (and theoretically learn from them). He may have realized he was wrong before. If you're in doubt about him loving you though, you should ask him about it. He's asking a lot for you to come back to him, and if he's hiding any of his feelings from you, he isn't ready yet.
As for your first question, my current SO and I originally broke up because we were both trying to figure what we wanted both in our lives and our relationships. A year later, we got back together and just celebrated our 1 year anniversary last month. So yes, it can work :)
Anything is possible.
I hope things work out for you.
I too have hopes that in the future, I too can mend the incomplete relationship I had with my Ex.
If it doesn't happen, I'm sure something just as good will be waiting in the future.
My boyfriend and I have dated once before.
It was a one-week relationship our freshman year of high school.
Having constant drama about getting back together the entirety of high school, we finally got back together this past December (our freshman year of college).
We love each other very much.
So I think, yes. You can fall in love the second time as well.
It's always possible, but you just need to be careful.
If you want to know whether you and your SO were meant to be or not, you must first give it a chance to fail. I have a quote for you, "if you love someone, let them go, if they come back, then it was meant to be. If they don't, just be happy they were in your life for that moment of time." Distance is a true test of this and forever will be if love prevails...
Since you guys broke up, but manage to come back, than perhaps the two of you were destined...
Regarding him not telling you that he loves you..... Ask him... Sometimes, actions speak louder than words.....
There are no such rules for these things. It's different for everyone.
Im confused; how can you be in a relationship with a person if not loved them for THREE whole freaking years? We aren't talking about weeks and months, but YEARS. And no, I wouldn't go back trying the second time because there was a definite reason to why it didn't work the first time. What guarantees you that he actually LOVES you this time around if he didn't for three previous years?
And don't expect him to jump on the wagon about discussing future plans now that you're back together. It doesn't matter if you guys have history, such a verbal committment is harder to admit (more so because it IS your second time), and you shouldn't say aloud so often either. It can very well backfire, worse blow up on you because he'll get scared about his feelings and run away again.
You can always fall in love at any time, but I hate to say that you seem like doormat girl. We've all been doormat girl, and he probably tried dating around during the year off and realized no one was really that into him and went back to you. Eventually dating you will boost his confidence enough for him to leave you again, at which point you'll be heartbroken. It's not that he's a jerk, it's just that you've made it possible for him to take you for granted. I think you should be very, very careful. My advice would be to not talk about the future, don't hint, give him space, and let him decide where your relationship is going. Don't settle!
he doesnt need to say it. i thnk you know
@ultravioletgirl@xanga - So am i :(
@hardlyhandsomest@xanga - i totally agree. i couldn't have said it better.
IF you guys are still commenting about a future together, maybe that's his way of caring and loving you? Maybe his issue is saying it instead of doing it? What do his actions say? There are some people who aren't into SAYING it.
Sure, why not?
definitely. i've fallen in love with the same guy about... three times? haha
Did you two fall out of love?
I think it's possible. I've heard stories, so ... sure!
Be careful =\
you shouldn't have gotten back into that relationship with him if he hadn't realized he loves you yet. if he didn't realize it yet, it means he probably doesn't or just never will realize. and you don't want that kind of baggage in your life. go out there and find yourself a guy who does realize he loves you.