All too often, a blog is featured with a list of different "requirements" one person looks for in another. To me, reading these posts can be interesting because they are often very untrue. Just the other day a blog was featured with a list of traits that "all women" look for in their man. The list essentially said that women only go for sensitive guys with a strong sense of style. Not that I want to bash that blogger at all - I'm sure that she DOES look for those things in the opposite sex... however, I just don't appreciate that she says that most women look for that
I personally enjoy a guy who has a nice taste in music, and isn't afraid to keep up his social life because he is in a relationship. I feel like I don't need to be a priority in a relationship, and I like for a guy to feel the same way. However, I know that I look for different things in people than another person. So when all these featured blogs are on the Xanga homepage with these ridiculous dating requirements, saying that girls like attention, guys like patience, etc - I just don't understand the point of it.
Everyone is an individual, and the way people handle a relationship varies. By posting these, people are given the idea that following the steps or filling the requirements will land them a date...but, really, individuals are attracted to other individuals...no one looks for something specific in another person, no matter what they say. What it comes down to is how two personalities collide and cope with each other - not by following a set of rules set by another blogger.
If I met a guy that could match my quirks, like puzzle pieces, I'd go for him - even if it meant that he didn't have any of the characteristics that I thought I would "look for."
What are your opinions about these lists? Do you ever consider these dating "rules" when you meet someone? Have you ever found yourself in a relationship with someone you never thought you'd be interested in?
By telling people how they have to act, are we changing the fate of someone's relationship or how they would look at people?
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Comments (67)
I completely agree with you -- Everybody is different, and therefore, every person's "chemistry" meshes differently with other individuals... This probably explains why you feel one way about a certain person, and a different way about another.
I don't understand why people have such hard-core requirements for the person that they are looking for. I mean, I can understand certain TRAITS that you're looking for in a potential mate, but as far as things like "s/he's not my type, because of this.." boggles my mind, because you never know if somebody is right for you based on superficial, surface "appearances" or "impressions".
I'm an easy-going person, but I'm very choosy. And, this has probably caused me to overlook potential suitors because of what I have in mind of what I'm looking for in a potential mate. So, I have to admit, I have been guilty of making a list as well in the past, but if I connect with somebody on a deeper level, then I would be willing to give the relationship a try. Because honestly, you never know if they are the one for you or not...
Yeah, I don't pay any attention to those lists. That's what one person might look for, might think they want; but there are millions of people on this world, there's going to be a ton of people who don't want the same thing.
When me and my boyfriend first started talking to each other, we were tossing insults at one another. We didn't really get along at first. So I don't think either of us expected to be in a relationship years on down the line.
I don't really know if we're changing the fate of someones relationship by telling them how to act, or giving them lists. If they choose to listen to what others say, they're the ones doing that. They're the ones choosing to listen to another person; so it's them changing their fate, not anyone else.
I'm pretty strict with who I chose to be with (and so far only one person has passed the test with flying colors- my bf) so I'm sure there's a lot of things that are different from the "average" guy. To me, a personality that is like mine has to go first before anything because if that clashes, it's impossible for me to like him. But you are right- every person is different and has their own preferences and what kind of traits they want their SO to have.
I thought the very same thing when I read that list. Thanks.
Maybe not EVERYONE, but I think almost everyone has one requirement in common--That you have a similar sense of humor. Some people who don't like laughing will have that in common! I hope!
Other than that, everyone is just so different that it's hard to say what "every woman looks for."
i think everyone has a type of person they would like to be with but not everyone is going to find that special someone to fit the criteria. i always been a tomboy and hanging out with the boys has never been a problem with me. they have always taken me in but that doesn't mean that im not girlie, i'm just a versatile person. when i chose people to date, i have a general idea of who i like and don't like but it always turns out that the person i date isn't always the person i had in mind. one thing i did find that all the guys i have dated so far have in common is their passion for cars, whether working on them, driving fast cars, or making cars. there's always gonna be a commonality between the people you date because there's got to be some direction somewhere but i have never been picky about it because you never know if that person will be the right one or not.
i agree.. i mean, yeah i have my idea of what i want, but i have this strong feeling that the guy i fall in love with will not even come close to fitting that idea, and that is absolutely fine. i want to be surprised.
You're right. Everyone (including myself) makes these lists of qualifications but we all know that the right person will be the exception to the rule; the one whose flaws we look past.
Wow. A mature post on Datingish.
/faint
these gender focused attraction lists only continue to confirm many stereotypes that we plant in our brains about what we SHOULD look for because that other girl/guy is looking for it and it must be a good deal.
You're right, why do people think they can escape singledom and venture out to a relationship world if they only follow these steps, rules and guidelines set by someone else who MIGHT be looking for the SIMILAR stuff but NOT the same? When did we become carbon copies of each other to validate our desires with someone else's requirements?When I talk to my girl friends about their relationship problems/issues, I can relate to the guys more often than my girl friends. They usually say: "you are so like my bf, that's creepy!" These lists make me often think such a way as well: "wow, that guy's list of requirements sound like mine for my guy....except I'm a straight girl...." HAAHHAAH These lists are like horoscopes; generalized, vague and can pretty much relate to 'most' people because they keep telling us, although individualism sets us apart, we are very much still alike. hahaah
THANK you. I hate those lists. They are opinions presented as fact, and the comments are always "Great post - totally agree, girls ARE emotional!" Stupid. It's like they decided, "let's write about stereotypes that everyone believes so that I can see people who agree with me/them."
I love seeing those lists that are sooo freaking detailed that meeting the requirements would be impossible! Can't smoke, no tats, hispanic, tall, brown eyes blah blah blah!! i can be reasonable when it comes down to it: they have to be funny, able to have a good (univseral) conservation and not a jackass (most of the time). Race, sex, height, eye color, music taste, and weight (as long as they can move around ._.) doesn't matter. So that's leaves me around to a few hundred thousand options
The lists might be better if any of the writers had any sort of dating experience outside of their sophomore homeroom class.
It is pretty silly to generalize. I think it's OK to establish a baseline of things you're looking for in a partner when they're things that would seriously compromise compatibility, such as religion or politics, but to do more than that is to limit your openness to new relationships.
People like to categorize others because it makes it easier to navigate through life.
I used to have "requirements" that were really more my "ideal" version of a guy. I started dating my husband, and tossed the list. Physically, he doesn't fit my previous "ideal" at all. He's too tall, his hair's too light, his eyes are the wrong color, he's not athletic. But he's perfect for me.
I don't think the blogger intended to stick every female in the world into one clump and ONLY allow this clump 5 rules that they HAVE to look for in a potential male significant other. It was also not meant to be taken as the serious factual guidelines that everyone should follow. I think people should think for themselves and not be caught up in what someone that you don't know writes about her personal preferences.
It seems every day there is a new [x] things [all/real/(wo)manly] [men/women/boys/girls] look for in [real/(wo)manly][men/women/girls/boys] and the lists always seem vastly different. I grow tired of them, and I could not agree with you more.
nice title.
I so agree. I just read those lists for entertainment, I never take them seriously.
@bluetrashcan@xanga - Hahahaha true ;)
All the smart people know that they're individuals, so the lists are pretty fun. We have to laugh at something, yeah?
I think it's kindof interesting to see what other people look for in a SO.
Obviously it really only reflects the posters opinions, but that's ok. That's what the comments section is for. ;)
I actually made one of those lists in highschool- graduated, went to college, graduated again, took a hiatus from all the losers I'd met and dated in the meantime that fit my "list" by moving a thousand miles away for a year, moved home and met and promptly married a guy who only fit about 2% of my list. He is wonderful, and our four years of marriage so far have been the happiest of my life. If I had stuck to that list, I'd be miserable.