So it's Saturday night and I'm driving around places - my usual trip to the coffeehouse, then browsing through a grocery store or two, and from there, usually back home. Except something unusually amusing happens tonight that I love getting the chance to play on.
I'm walking around and some dude struck up some small talk with me; we walk outside, and the conversation leads to girls. Now, this guy's still in high school - at age 19 - when he was supposed to graduate a while ago. I didn't pry into that as he proceeds to show me a few very naughty texts exchanged between him and some (16? 17?) year old girl he's seeing - or rather, is supposed to see again later on tonight. I ask him how it's going (just to humor the guy; I really don't care about the nasty things he's gonna be doing or how cool he is for getting stoned up out of his mind and reenacting a scene from Godzilla), and here's his stance - pretty much broke from spending cash on drugs, partying, etc, and his mom wouldn't even loan him some money. And he doesn't even know how to go visit this booty ca- I mean, girl, because he doesn't have a car.
Eventually, he asks me if I've got a girlfriend, and I respond, "Nope." And here's where my favorite part comes in, after he asks me a few more questions:
"DUDE. You've never PARTIED? Gotten HIGH? Had sex? You ain't even KISSED a girl?!?! Yo, man, what are you doing? You gotta get some LIFE EXPERIENCE, you gotta get some practice!"
Yep, you heard me. Clean slate here.
He then tells me stuff about testing my limits and why people should be partying in high school, getting drunk, seeing how your body responds and how much you can handle so that the next time you see a girl buzzed up, you know what to do, etc. - he thought it was pretty funny that at my point, at my stature, I was looking for a serious relationship when I "had no life experience," as he puts it.
He called in his other friends, told them my situation, and one of them chimes in - "Regarding the drugs, man, I get that, I don't do no drugs either, but, regarding the girl situation, here's what ya gotta do-"
While they're talking amongst themselves, I just turn around, walk, and I even gain a good 20-30 feet before one of them says "Yo he's walkin' away!", followed by "YO, WHERE YA GOING?"
"Home! I gotta go, I have curfew!"
"YOU HAVE A CURFEW?!??!?"
"Nah, just messing with ya on that one, but seriously, I gotta go!"
... I technically DID have to go; I mean, I have more important things to do than listen to a poor, left-behind stoner tell me that I need to be putting my wang in everything that resembles the "gateway to heaven".
Doesn't it ever occur to some people that some of us are FINE? Not having sex with randoms, not getting drunk at parties, not just being wild and out there? I'm fine waiting until a girl comes along whom I actually respect, like, care for, and want to get emotionally involved with, to go ahead and do the horizontal hoo-hah. I mean, I don't really know - or care - how other people can meet someone, make random jokes, flirt, get numbers, and then expose their naked bodies to each other after a week, few days, or even a few hours, of meeting, without even KNOWING them. And as far as STDs go, don't even tell me condoms prevent everything. There's still the area outside the circle, if you understand what I'm hinting at.
It takes trust for me. Not even just "the first time" a kiss, or sex, or whatever, is going to happen, but every time after that. Don't even joke with me and say that "you gotta practice driving before you take the test" in regards to getting into a serious relationship, and that relationships come only after playing the game, dating multiple people at a time, test driving things and "developing skills".
It's not a game, or test course, or hunting field, for everyone. Not everyone gets turned off by a virgin - you'd better damn well believe that there are people out there who respect the choice to wait, or the dignity a person has, and the meaning/importance they attach to these types of intimate actions you commit with a person. I have no hangups about sex itself; it can definitely be an amazing experience - but for some people, it requires trust, honesty, an already existent emotional bond, and other "lame" stuff before it's worth it. Some of us do believe in serious relationships, having been brought up by parents who actually cared enough to raise us in stable environments. You can call me sheltered; I'll call it healthy and stable.
Besides, until you've met a person with whom you feel ready to commence things with - there are PLENTY of other things to do in life besides partying and getting around. But I have to admit, it was pretty funny to me to see these guys' reactions. There's nothing I get a kick out of like surprising the hell out of little kiddies with the fact that "getting some" isn't my style.
So, here's my question. To those who are saving it: How do you react when people find that you're less experienced than the "norm"? Does it annoy you, or do you find it funny to play the situation?
To those who are experienced: Have you ever been in any random flings that seemed like a good idea at the time, and later on, you felt just weren't worth it? And how did those stack up with your experiences in a serious relationship?
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Comments (127)
Ugh, I had a ton of random flings before my first real relationship, all because I thought they were necessary "practice." I was stupid. You're smart to not get carried away with drugs & alcohol, sex, etc.
I love shocking people with it too. I could if I wanted, but I don't.
I am annoyed is someone thinks that "I haven't lived" because I don't use drugs or alcohol and that I'm abstinent. Really, what do I truly need to know that could come from drugs and alcohol other than potential dangers and risks from abuse of these things.
Initially, it irritated me to no end. I've grown up with my peers telling me there was a right or wrong way to date, and that I was doing it all wrong simply because I wasn't dating/sleeping/experimenting with this guy and that guy. There is no wrong way to date; HOWEVER, I do think it's a universal truth that if you happen to be seeking a deep, substantial relationship with another person, you definitely need to have that maturity to even begin a relationship. I think a lot of young people don't have that kind of maturity. They want to experiment instead, which is not a bad thing, except that sometimes they tend to make everyone else (myself included) feel guilty about the way we lead our lifestyles. Back then, I would have felt guilty and worried that I was doing things "wrong" but now I just laugh it off and tell others that I'm simply living my life the way I want to, that no, I do NOT want to sleep with John Doe at the bar simply because he's "hot".
I agree with you on this one--although I may have made a mistake or two with previous relationships, I have never settled for anything less than I deserve, and I am not afraid of being single, either. As for you, I'm certain it will happen in its natural time that you find the right type of girl for you. Good luck, and hold true to your values, because that just proves you have a brain that produces thoughts of something other than sex :)
I've never gotten into a random fling. I was with one guy whom of which I don't regret being with. Keep along that path you're on. Sex can wait until you're ready to be committed to someone. As for drugs and alcohol, abstinence is key. :)
sometimes it annoys me a little bit but it depends on the reasons that the person has decided to be that way (or in some cases, just IS that way). i'm an alcohol, drug, sex virgin, but i have kissed. i think waiting for a person you really like and respect is an excellent idea but i do like to flirt (which does not include physical contact, etc) around to find that person. even if someone has just kissed a lotttt of people, it still gives off the wrong impression.
and, honestly, a liiiittle 'practice' isn't bad, but you can practice with people you actually really like (but know you probably won't get married to, you know?)
I smile because I imagine them at some drunk party, getting high and having sex. Then realizing later that they have herpes. And are addicted to crack.
Usually annoyed. It's always assumed that I'm a prude or I'm boring. And it's not even because I'm "waiting." I just can't get any.
It's funny to tell them =P
well I've already commented before on your blog about this. it can be both funny and annoying, depending. ;)
Yeah, shocking people is really fun. The looks on peoples faces when I tell them that is classic.
I've could of had flings with pretty girls, and I didn't. And since I didn't I got a lot of heat because those girls where "my only chance in life to get some". It is hard saving it, but it's worth it. Lust, flings, and the "norm" are one thing. But love is diffrent, and it's special. I've liked somebody a lot, but never loved them.
To me the "norm" isn't cool, and I'm really picky. The farthest I've gone is a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Why? Because I knew it wasn't going anywhere. Rushing into things just dosen't appeal to me. I had to see what happened to those folks that rushed it, and most the times the end result was not too good.
Anyways, it's your choice what to do with it.
Oh my God! You're a virgin? and a guy?
Where are guys like you? Because I have yet to meet one.
I'm also a virgin, and people are shocked when I tell them.
You know how I feel about this.
this is exactly how I am. Only I bet that person already so I've already given everything up (:
@Stuck_ina_Box@xanga - lol, problem is they probably already have herpes + a crack addiction and don't care.
Man that guy is a total loser, he's already one of those people you see on the street that you might want to give the benefit of a "hard luck story" to them, but realize... oh, I see... so you do deserve it and just walk away. Another reason why you never give money to bums on the street. How did I come to talking about bums on a dating site? No idea...
Aw i want to meet someone like you..=]
its dumb how people rush into things like that....but i guess thats life.
Oh my effing god. Do you seriously exist, because you really sound too good to be true.
There's nothing I can say except that my type of guy should be exactly like you described. Exactly like that. Seriously though, thank you so much for writing this. This post is heaven.
Wow, I never thought that there were actually GUYS out there that think like this--nearly every guy I know has to go through a phase where he sticks it in everything with a heartbeat before they want anything substantial.
I think it's funny because highschoolers are breaking the law by drinking, and most drugs that they use are illegal in the States. And lots of people do it anyways.
I loved your post. I think what you are doing is amazing. By waiting, I found such a great boyfriend! Sadly, some people will think you're stupid if you wait, but I don't think it's stupid at all. To ME, waiting makes things more special :)
@FOXHOUND_HQ@xanga - My sentiment exactly, there's really not much to "experience" from that.
@the_bonsai_tree@xanga - Agreed. I do believe that there are always certain traits and characteristics, or preferences, in us that we're not aware of, or won't admit to ourselves, until we are actually placed in certain situations. And I do think that a little experience will definitely aid in strengthening your ability to love, and how much you really love someone with, for the future.
@rough_souls@xanga - Yeah. Even with people whom you want to "practice" with, you still need to be picky. This is your love life, your property. It's not worthless.
@IllTroubadour@xanga - "A fool makes mistakes, a smart person learns from their mistakes, a wise person learns from other people's mistakes." I've talked to a few people about sex, what their first time was like, and though it was enjoyable for some, a lot had one thing in common to report: It was overrated.
@MOJOJONO_X2@xanga - Dear lord, he was spitting on the ground every 30 seconds puffing his cigarette. >_<
@TheSecretLifeOfPandas@xanga - @xx_x_beautifully_broken_x_xx@xanga -
Haha, don't worry. There are plenty of us out there. =D
Awwww I'm happy you made it on Datingish!! =) Congrats.
And for my personal stance: My true friends understand how I feel, but many people don't understand why I want to wait until marriage. I mean it's hard to find nowadays, but I still will strive to not give in. They think that just because I've been with my guy for almost two years, that that means we're having sex. Pssh. There's more to life than that. I enjoy talking with him and hanging out with him, that that doesn't even matter, ya know?