Monday, 01 June 2009
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When Your SO Isn't Satisfied But Won't Leave
I have been in my relationship for 2 years now. And lately my BF hasn't really been that satisfied with me..Here's the latest example. He called me on Wednesday and said he had $60 and could come down and see me; I was very excited. But I live in a town where there's not much to do and he wasn't so sure about coming down after he remembered that, so he basically said if he drove down to see me, could I do him a sexual favor? I really didn't want to; plus, we didn't have a house to go to and I just didn't feel comfortable doing it in a car or whatever he wanted. I thought it was ridiculous that he basically wanted to come down and see me just for that!
So he got here really late because he got lost and he saw me and was so pissed at me!
I didn't do anything, and yet he was yelling because he got lost...I said sorry and offered to get him some water (it was hot) and he was being stubborn and stuff. So we went to the lake and right away he wanted to have sex with me then and there..and I was, like, "um, no thanks...not right now". So because of this, he was pissed the whole time he was with me. I asked him, "why are you with me if you aren't getting what you want?" He said, "because I'm waiting to see if things will change". Ehhh...
So then he told me that he wasted his time, money, and is never coming down to see me again. I mean it was sooo rude.
He should want to come down and visit me just to hang out with me because he loves me, and yet he just wants to come down and have sex it seems like. And he has never been down here before, either!
So I agreed to try and open up more and show him more sexual attention (because I don't do those things).
I really love him and want to change and make things work with us, because according to him, "our relationship is great but the sex part isn't". I said that shouldn't be the focus, but whatever...
Because he complains that he never gets what he wants and that he hears about all these other people's relationships and how they do all these crazy shit, and how I'm, I guess, "boring" to him.
Is it wrong that I want to try and change myself for this guy? Or is he just asking for too much? Or does it seem that he's just waiting for someone else to come along?
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Comments (55)
Don't change yourself and allow him to push you for his own sexual needs! Do what you feel comfortable doing, and tell him your limits. If he tries to go over your boundaries, stop him. And if he does it anyway, then maybe he really is not worth it.
And him telling you that he doesn't want to leave because he is hoping things will change? That's not really a statement you'd want to hear from a boyfriend. I'd really question him and his motives.
If he could get layed where he was, you would be history. This guy isn't in love zero, zip nada. You are his sex. That's it.
Loose the looser. Find real love.
I'd get rid of him. He sounds like a selfish jerk.
no, no, no...do not change yourself. youare who you are and you should be liked and loved for that and not what someone expects from you. yes he should want to come and see you for you because he enjoys the time you are together. no one should force you to have sex. and if that is what he is holding out for...i feel he should move on since that does not seem to be your focus, just to have sex. he is being inconsiderate and thoughtless and only thinking of his needs above yours. dont cave in to his demands. loose him you are better off with out him. he does not deserve you.
oh goodness if you are not compatable in the sex department and he is "wasting" his money....please consider moving on. No one needs to stay just because they have been together. I think for BOTH of you you need to move on and find soeone that not only likes to hang out with you but will treat you as well as you need/want/deserve
Please tell us what makes this relationship so great. Because so far, the picture you paint of this guy isn't so flattering.
Hmm. NO. He is not good enough for you, do NOT ever change for anyone but yourself no matter what the situation is. Seriously, he thinks you're boring? I personally think he's lame and boring and immature and a jerk. Sorry but from the way you described it here, it doesn't seem like he loves you as much as you love him, so do yourself a favor and find a better guy, a guy who genuinely loves spending time with you, not your body.
No No No No NO!! Do NOT try to "open up and show him more sexual attention"!! He is USING you. And let me tell you from years and years of experience, if he treats you like this while you are dating, your relationship will only get WORSE. You think you feel pressured to give in to your boyfriend? Wait till it's your husband and all he can do is nag you because he hasn't had sex in 2 days and if he goes out & gets a prostitute then it's all your fault. DON'T DO IT! Oh my gosh I wish I could use a bigger font size. DO NOT EVER be pressured into having sex for ANY reason, and especially not for an immature boyfriend who only wants to see you if he gets sex.
@buddy71@xanga - "no no no"... my exact thoughts! (As you can see.. haha.)
hunny he dont love u. if he feels he wasted his money because he didnt get sex then obviously he doesnt want nothing to do with u other then just have sex. also if he is going to sit there and throw other peoples relationship and what they do sexually then he needs to go join them. he sounds really imature. move on u can do so much better.
gurl! what are you doing? of course hes just waiting for someone else to come along, and you shouldnt be changing yourself for this guy. i mean all these stories he hears probably arent even real. dump him if you havent already. i admit itll suck now, but think about the long term.
if he doesn't have sex with you, who is he going to have sex with? hannah and hansel (the hands) for the rest of his life?
Some people just aren't sexually compatible, and in some otherwise healthy relationships, the couple can make compromises to keep each other happy. But both parties must be happy. Only change yourself if you can be happy doing it. It seems to me that this guy is asking for a lot but not giving a lot back. You need to be with someone who's willing to give as much as you are. If you're not happy, move on.
Okay seriously..
You need to DUMP HIS ASS.
Get rid of this guy. He only wants you for sex. Nothing else.
If he isn't man enough to break up with you, do it yourself. I had to learn that the hard way.
why do you think you need to change? there are at least 1 billion other men out there and i'm sure there are those that fall on the spectrum closer to where you are. don't bother with someone who only visits you to ask for sexual favors. not only is that disrespectful, it is just not relationship material. of course, i'm sure you have your reasons for staying with the dude. but be honest with yourself and don't be afraid of moving on if that's the right decision for you.
I think the first 19th comments say enough, but all I can add is that I think even by typing this out, reading it over, and submitting it, you probably already know the answer by now anyway.
DUMP HIM .
I was in the same situation, and let me tell you that the guy is not worth your time. It's either that he's really happy being with you or he'll never be satisfied no matter how hard you try. And bull to "waiting to see if things will change."
i think that by saying you wouldn't be comfortable doing those things...you've answered your own question. i'll tell you this from my own personal experience. i rushed into a relationship following my first serious breakup, and that guy pressured me very much sexually. and i liked him so much at the time, and felt like i owed it to him to "show him" that since he wanted me to so badly.
the thing is, that guys and girls alike have sexual needs. but his respect for you as a person should come first and foremost, and spending time with you, with sex or not, should never be labeled as a waste of any kind. if he's not happy in the relationship because of your sexual boundaries, he doesn't respect you and your comfort level the way he should. it can be scary to be alone, especially when you care about the person-but no one is ever worth compromising your boundaries for. he should love you enough that even if you never had sex with him, or couldn't, that spending time with you should not be a "waste" for him. you're not a waste.i hope that he comes around and doesn't take you for granted because he thinks he's supposed to be doing all of these sexual things-but if not, just know that you're worth more than that.i know that you love him but he seems like such a jerk to you. it seems like he only wants one thing from you and that's sex and if he doesn't get that from you then he throws a fit. i don't think you should have to change for anyone, that person should accept you for who you are.
well i have to say hes a jerk and dont even try to make things work with him. if sex is what he wants then he should go find a girl who wants sex as much as he does, not everyone is sex driven!
me and my bf understand mutually that sex is not the big part of our relationship despite how we hooked up in the first place. we do it all the time, but we are fine not doing it and just hanging out and being stupid!