Monday, 01 June 2009
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My SO's Mom Doesn't Want Him to Get Hurt
So my BF of exactly a year today called me. We had a talk and he said that his mom doesn't want him to hang out with me so much. She had said to him that he will get hurt and she doesn't want to see him get hurt...meaning the more we see each other, the more we will fall for each other.
I don't get why his mom is saying this when she is not the person in this relationship. In a way, I understand that she doesn't want us to because she doesn't want us to commit and I'm sure I'm not going to anytime soon. My BF and I have already talked about it and we're still too young to even commit.
I think this is ridiculous - even if he isn't dating me or with another girl he would get hurt eventually. Right? Isn't that in every relationship you have to get hurt at some point along there?
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Comments (27)
man, his mom is the controlling type of mother who doesn't want to see her baby get taken by another female.
you're absolutely right... he's going to get hurt at some point whether it's with you or some other girl.
just keep doing whatever you two feel like doing. it's your relationship, not his mother's.
My advice: Don't date. If you're still at the age where a guys parents dictate his actions, you're too young to date.
get hurt .......
I could understand if she was interfering for practical reasons, such as being too committed at a young age, or spending so much time together that it's interfering with other parts of your lives.
That said, there are just some things, like a broken heart, that you just can't (and shouldn't) protect your children from. It's a part of life and something that all of us experience at some point..
She really isn't doing him any favors. Sometime, somewhere, a girl is going to hurt him, and if he learns to deal with it, he'll realize that even though it sucks, it's something you can get over. She's making it sound like getting hurt in a relationship is the worst thing that can happen to someone. What a terrible message to send her son!
I'm not saying you should date him anyway, because going behind parents' backs won't win you brownie points with anyone. But she really is not doing him any favors.
Well ask him what he thinks. I'm pretty sure that if his mom told him that he shouldn't date just yet because you are young (and even you said it), then you guys should just hang out where there would be no danger of you two getting hurt. It just really depends on your age and how both of you feel about what his mom said. If she's right, then just listen to her.
She can't hide him away from the world forever. He will eventually get hurt at one point or another. Heartbreak is a part of life. Everyone goes through it. Yeah, it blows but most of the time it makes us stronger.
What a controlling bitch! Get away from this situation, you don't want this crazy woman in our life. If he can't stand up for you and tell his mom that he wants to be with you even if it risks one of you will get hurt, then ditch him. Everything in life worth having involves the risk of getting hurt..stupid to avoid every experience to avoid getting hurt.
His mom has definitely gone through more relationships that you two ever had, probably. Years of experience, you know? And like you said...she's not a relationship person. Ever wonder why? She probably got hurt many times over, so she's tired of trying for another one. I can relate.
All at the same time, you learn as you go, right?
@SteamyDumpling@xanga - Agree
If you both are young then don't date. Her mother is not controlling the situation here, it is the fact that you both are not ready to commit so why in the world would you want to date him for? Experience, money, sex?
That's annoying. I hate controlling mothers...let him live his own life!
I have a guy friend (who recently got married), and his mother told him he couldn't hang out with me without his wife being there. Uhhh, really? I can't even have lunch with an old friend if his wife isn't around? I would understand it more if his wife was jealous and told him not to hang out with me...but his mom? seriously?
Depends how the two of you feel in the end.
His mom should butt out. He'll never learn if he doesn't try.
I think he's a mother's boy :D which is not bad, but if he is still listening to her and being controlled by her, then that can tell you a few things. It's great that he treats her with respect, but not so great that he is letting her make the decisions for him.
She probably does not want to see her baby get taken away by another girl (though it's gonna happen) and is trying to be overprotective.
And maybe his mom should follow behind him when he walks to make sure he doesn't trip and fall.
Yeah, she can't control him from getting hurt. It's inevitable. I guess she has to realize that before you guys can do as you please.
I'm in the similar situation. His mother is protective him being the only child. Which is understandable. But, he has a job, he graduated college, paid off a good portion of his school debt... if that's not enough proof to say that he's responsible to have a girlfriend that is financially stable (and pretty much in the same boat as him) then I don't know anymore. Good luck to you and your SO though.
Wow it sounds like the mom has some sort of psychological issues...seriously. I can understand if a dad threatens to smack his daughter's boyfriend around if he finds a condom, but this? I feel like she must have gotten really screwed over when she was younger or something. I've never heard of a parent doing that.
it might be that you guys are young, but it can also mean that she's just protective of her son. no offense to you, she was once young like you guys too, and i'm sure she broke some hearts so it's just a warning. don't take it personally.
i hate parents like that, they baby their kids and will get down on the dirts to protect them and end up screwing up relationships with friends and family because of their kids.
yes all parents baby their kids, but there is a limit to how much! you go out and say my kids are great blah blah blah but be modest. when kids get into a little fight just get your kids to say sorry and make up, dont make it a big deal and say YOUR KID BASHED MINE!!! ITS YOUR FAULT!
i would never be able to date a guy whose parents baby them! its alot of work for me in the long term because i have to baby him the way his mum does it and have it all done for him because he doesn't know how to do things himself!
his mom is just very concerned. that's all
Right. Getting hurt is part of life. We all have our heart broken sooner or later. His mom can't protect him forever.
Though it does sound like you guys are very young...
Nobody is perfect so it is inevitable that he will get hurt by a girl somewhere down the road. Of course, I'm not saying that girl is going to be you. I don't blame his mom for being concerned, but he's a big boy. He has to experience life for himself and his mom can't protect him forever. She's not doing him any favors by trying to do so.
He's a mummy's boy.
Regardless, people need to experience relationships in full - the positive aspects as well as the negative aspects, in order to develop a comprehensive understanding of how relationships function, and to discover what they want and expect from relationships.
The mother might have a legitimate concern in wanting to protect her son, but in discouraging him from actively engaging in serious commitments she is stifling his social development. Maturity is not only about positive emotions. It requires a full understanding and capacity to cope with the entire spectrum of human emotion, in complex and challenging situations, as well as those which are ideal.
"Ships are safe in harbours, but that is not what they are made for." - John Shedd
@SteamyDumpling@xanga - She didn't say "the mother is not a relationship person." She said the mother "is not the person in this relationship".