With only a few weeks dwindling down until graduation day, I couldn’t help but sigh a sign of relief as I lay tanning on the sandy beaches of the volleyball court that was located conveniently outside of my apartment. I had made it. After the GPA-slaughtering F I had received in calculus sophomore year that ran me out of the business school forever, I had made it. After the 21st birthday that ended in punches being thrown, Justin Timberlake-worthy rivers of tears being cried and one less best friend, I had made it. Even after the numerous fraternity emails I had been featured in due to drunken nights and public displays of what can only be called the wrong affection, I had made it out of college alive. I was finally scandal-free and drama-free.
But that's when I got a phone call. Two friends of mine were writing an article about the rise of female sexual predators on campus, and they obviously had to talk to me. Color me flattered. Or not.
I started going over my sexual history in my head. Had I been a predator? What did that even mean? Was Chris Hansen about to show up and film me on an episode of Dateline's To Catch a Predator? I started imaging myself as a tiger crouching in anticipation, waiting to attack and overwhelm my prey (in my case a tall blonde male with blue eyes preferably slightly sun-kissed). It didn’t seem like me. And I rarely wear animal print.
I simply could not be a sexual predator.
I didn’t even like to write the initial post on a boy's Facebook wall. I definitely wasn’t hog-tying them up by the ankles and keeping them captive in my room leaving them helpless against my sexual advances. Nevertheless, if I am being honest with myself, I could see how I would be targeted as somewhat of a predator. I’ve had my fair share of experience in the field of men. My sorority did honor me with the senior superlative of “Most Likely to Become a Sex Therapist”.
I’m sorry if I have the raw sexual magnetism of Scarlett Johansson and the come-hither aura that many seem to find undeniable, I half-jokingly told my interviewers. I have confidence. If that makes me a female sexual predator, than I'm okay with that label. In fact, I urge all college women to be a bit of a predator.
Now, I am not telling women to go out to their local drug-dealer and stock up on roofies. What I am saying is that for decades, men have held the reigns when it comes to dating and hooking up. We swoon over them, wait for them to call us and eat pints of Ben and Jerry’s when they don’t. It’s about time we took matters into our own fully-capable, manicured hands. There’s nothing wrong with asking a guy to dinner and a movie. Just make sure he understands that he still has to pay ;)
So here's the question -- Should women be afraid to approach the guy she is interested in or play it coy until he makes the first move? What do you think?
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Comments (30)
Absolutely never. There are many times where there are plenty of guys who would've gotten along great with the girls in question, but, they were too shy to make a move because she'd just gotten out of a relationship, or, for whatever reasons, they were just unsure. Plus, the hinting, games, hard-to-get, is just dishonest.
If everyone plays games, nothing's going to happen. And girls making the first move is definitely a huge step. There's nothing wrong with it at all. People may tell you you'll look slutty or the guys will be weirded out, but ironically the opposite is true. Most guys I know would scream "HELLA WIN!!!" if a girl asked them out and saved them a bit of anxiety.
If you're making the first move, you're showing that you don't exhibit the outdated thinking that he's the one who has to earn your respect, impress you, make himself seem worthwhile, like he did something wrong or owes you for being a guy - you show him that he's attractive, that you like him enough, and that you're not playing any games here. And that's definitely impressive.
"sexual predator" is such an awful label! if we expect men to make the first move, does that make them predators? i'm so tired to women being afraid to call first or instigate the first date for some inane fear of being too forward. if some guy can't appreciate that you like him enough to make the first move, he probably isn't worth it.
"playing" coy is such bullshit (unless you really are shy). rock that sexual prowess.
but nooo, please don't expect men to pay. you can't ask someone out and then look to them with the check comes; that's just tactless. the asker pays.
I think the term sexual predators is supposed to refer to people who are stalkers or out looking for people to rape. If making the first move made someone a sexual predator, no one would ever get together. And I'm sure your friends weren't referring to women who make the first move or even saying you were a predator. Think about it. If you were doing the article and wanted to interview a bona fide sexual predator, would you say, "we're doing an article on sexual predators. Can we talk to you?"
Lol when I tell my girlfriend she preys on the boys in college, she knows it's just in a joking manner. Most of the creepers/stalkers (predators) on campus are guys.
Unless you've been literally stalking multiple guys on campus, I wouldn't worry.
Sexual predators are people who go too far. There is a definite difference between going up to a guy and striking up a conversation and following him home to leave anonymous love letters in his mailbox.
Nothing wrong with the former, btw ;)
I think the term "sexual predator" is a bit extreme. On that note, I don't think asking a guy out on a date is necessarily deemed a move of a predator. It just reveals a more confident girl who's not afraid to go after and get what she wants.
A bit off topic: I can't stand calculus either :(
man, i thought the title to this post was the real question.
and then at the end of the entry is another question, with seemingly contrasting choices; but if you scrutinize the end-of-entry-question, you'll find that you don't really have a choice in the question after all -_-. either answer leads to "woman should not make the first move".
I'm waay too shy to make the first move unless it's to let the guy know that I do want to just "hang out" with him. I would really rather have the guy be this "predator"... not that they are, though. Most of my boyfriend's exes were the ones to make the first move so it made it harder on him to make his first move on me unless he knew I liked hanging out with him. I had to ask him to hang out a lot (and him with me) before he had the guts to ask me out.
This was really well written. I have no other thoughts about it beyond that. Well actually I do. Two.
1) If you ask, don't expect the man to pay.
2) If you're interested, show interest.
I wait for the guy to make the first move... ^^
I wish people wouldn't play games & just be honest about the way they feel about someone. It'd make things a hell of a lot easier, in my opinion. Maybe less fun for some, but not me.
@ch4n2o@xanga - true! those questions at the end insinuate the same thing.
YES
ridiculous antiquated archaec sexist notion, that
No no no no no no no haha. Definitely go for it if you feel like you got an opening. It shows major confidence, which is probably one of the biggest turn ons for me. I know from guy talk that a lot of my friends feel the same way.
I think people are confused. sexual predator doesn't actually mean rapist. it's a joking name for women who are incredibly forward. like last night when I slapped a dude's ass then made out with him. go get what you want!!
@Becky - we get it. we just don't like that a such a strong, negatively connoted label is associated with a woman's forwardness.
Confident cannot be considered predator-like. I like being the pampered one, though. He pointed out to me that the guy has to plan and pay for everything while the girl lays back and enjoys the ride. I totally agree and I love it.
nope :] i actually talked my bf into our first date. hah.
Being assertive and sexy definitely does not make you a predator. I'm finding it makes you more irrestible if you show that you are indepedent enough to make your own decisions.
i hope it doesn't make my a predator if i make the first move. i don't always make the first move but if i see a guy that i'm somewhat interested and if i walk by many times by and still he doesn't see me then i'll go say hello first but if i get the feeling like he's not interested in me then i'll stop but most of the time, i'll let them approach me first.
ah i should try it. lol
you are so confident! i love it! :) I totally think that if a woman likes what she sees-- by all means, go for it. Ive been experimenting with this for a little while now bc I am shy, but Im beginning to love having control of myself instead of sitting around the house eating ben and jerry's ice cream lol
Girls should go for it. But if playing coy for a while helps get what you want, go for that.
We shouldn't be afraid to approach men. For all we know, if we don't do it, we might never get them.