One of my professors in college was so fascinated in our generation's attitude toward dating and relating that she would ask our opinions on it all the time. She was most fascinated in the idea of hooking up before you were dating to see if you were compatible or not; she thought it would be more beneficial to go out on a couple dates to see how you got along and later contemplating getting together, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.
So it's interesting. In my most recent relationship, we hooked up before we started dating, but that didn't last very long. My current relationship was the complete opposite - hanging out for a loooong time to see how we felt - and we've been together eight months now. Aww.
I suppose that hooking up puts your intentions out there right away. When I first dated my boyf, I didn't know if he and I were on the same page on our feelings or not, and that's because it was new; we didn't know each other; we were both nervous. I can see where hooking up right away - hello. I like you. We should do something about this - has its merits but possibilities for disaster, too.
So. Have your past relationships been "go out, hook up; lather, rinse, repeat" or did you hook up first?
Comments (24)
My last boyfriend was a hookup that turned into a relationship that went on for nearly 2 years. To be honest it was the worst way to start a relationship...you rush into something that you might not exactly be ready for, for one and two you really don't know the person that well and sometimes after hookin' up it really isn't that easy and that person might not be what you thought they were. Just my opinion though.
Nope. I befriended him (he was crazy) and from then one we just slowly grew more closer, finding out things about one another- and a year later~ BOOM! we're dating.
I hate to say it, but what does "hooking up" mean? I don't think I've heard that term used the way it's being used.
@IronfistXI@xanga - Generally used for some sort of intimate/sexual activity, oftentimes for the purpose of just doing it without looking for prolonged relationship status...see here for a definition.
Embarrassing to say, but my first (and current) boyfriend was sort of a "hooking up" first...we've been together 3 and 1/2 years. Can't say if it's more "ideal", but...if I could redo it, I wouldn't've let him move so fast right out of the starting gate. I'm just (normally!!) not that kinda girl...
@Kyren_SkyRyder@xanga - Thanks. It's gotten a little bit of a different meaning since I've become active in the dating arena, again.
This post implies that hooking up is the only factor (or at least the most important one) in determining whether or not a relationship is successful. To which I say...are you kidding me? Since when are relationships ALL about the physical? And I'm not referring to fuck buddies or anything like that. I'm talking about real relationships.
I mean what if you or your SO got in some kind of accident and was temporarily paralyized for a while...would you all of a sudden get up and leave that person because they're unable to satisfy you physically? Give me a break.
my last relationship started with a hookup and then eventually a relationship afterwards. it lasted about 2 years, on and off again for some time. even though we had great sex, great chemistry, sometimes we just had different opinions on things. i don't think i would use hook ups to determine if i'm compatible with someone, to me hook ups are to meet your needs when you're not attached to someone and leave when business is taken care of. it's not a serious thing.
Every time that I've hooked up and then dated it's been a disaster, whereas I'd like to get involved then hook up, but it's never happened.
Subsequently, I've decided to wait for marriage, sex is soooooo little in the relationship anyway, I mean, once you take out the initial honeymoon stage; I've decided that going without sex at first is a small price to pay for a great relationship that lasts years.
Also having sex with someone creates an illusion that there is a general bond that exists between two people, when that's not always the case.
Or at least that's my latest theory. lol
I guess we'l see.
My experience has been a little bit of hooking up, then getting together. Not tooo far into hooking up before we got together, though.
ooooh! This is a stickety-wicket! If you're a man, it's cool . . . hook up when you can and ask questions later. Women don't seem to be as hooked up as the men on this little query.
BUT men are really looking for a woman who isn't just like them, who doesn't necessarily separate the sex from the love etc . . . Is this fair? NO Is it life? YES!
I don't think it is right that women have to "play hard to get" to get their man, but ugh, girls it looks like this is the case?!
My man and I were very much alike when we first met . . . we both liked sex and were not afraid to show that, but it took several years for us to make a committment and part of this was shyness over both of our overt sexuality.
I'll never be anything I am not. I don't advise anyone else to do any differently, but if you're just into it playing games, etc....go for it.
How in the world does one think "hooking up" will tell if you are compatable?
Sex isn't going to keep anybody together. No matter how great you think it is. It is less than 1% of your time together.
You can learn more about a person playing "Candy Land" and "twister" together than "hooking up".
But don't let me influence you. Learning the hard way is good medicine.
I've done it couple of times before, it's usually not that great. Those relationships tend to be a bit rocky, at least from my experience. It can be different from person to person.
This is such an important question! I blog about it - hooking up leads to relationships only 12% of the time, so it depends on what you are looking for. I do advise my readers to be friends first, take it slow, etc. if they think they might be interested in more than sex with the person. Plus, let's face it, the sex is wayyyy better between two people who are emotionally invested.
www.HookingUpSmart.com
my boyfriend and i hooked up twice then kinda were together without talking about it then the subject came up and we officially decided we were dating and then he took me out on our first date...all within a 3 week period.
and we've been together for almost a year so....
i dont think theres a right or a wrong...it all just depends on the relationship and the situation
it really depends on the person...i have no problems with that, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. It really depends on which juncture where u are...at this moment in time.
Most of my relationships have started off as just "hooking up" and then realizing we wanted to take it farther. Surprisingly, all of those relationships lasted between 1 and 2 years, so I really don't have an issue with this process. However, it's not like I didn't know them at all before we hooked up. We were "just friends", but not dating.
For me it's mostly: friend, best friend, boyfriend, ex, possible friend again. The only time I made out with a guy was after i broke up with my ex of two years. I was hurt and out of my mind obviously, so that was the only time ^^
After high school I stopped dating and just started having fuck-buddy relationships. I see both both sides being beneficial to different people. One one hand I have dated people who started out as a hook up (a year and a half, my longest so far! 6 months dating being my shortest). I have never dated anyone that I knew for a while before but most of my friends do and guess what, they get excited when they reach a measly two months in the relationship!
So I guess it really just depends on how you handle it. Some people do better by jumping straight into it and others need time.
@BelisaAmbrose@xanga - I believe the same thing. Thank you!!
@BelisaAmbrose@xanga - totally agree with you on the part where hooking up with someone creates the illusion of a bond. that's kinda what happened with my ex even though we went steady for a good few months first. kinda put the relationship development on hold and in the end that lead to our demise. kinda makes me wanna be like the guy in the post here. lol
Usually we get to know each other, develop feelings slowly, and then do something about it. This time around though, it went from strangers to acquaintances straight to liking each other.
I mean, it doesn't really matter much how it starts. My friend has been with his girlfriend for more than two years and they are great together. They started out hooking up. It wasn't to see if they were compatible, but they wanted to. Then they realized they liked each other and got into a relationship.
Fact is how you start a relationship is not a factor in whether a relationship is successful. It's how compatible you are. After all, once you've been together a long time, why does it matter how you guys started out?
Though I do not totally agree with this. In Japan they hook up on the first date. The reason being that issues dealing with sex (quality/quantity) are the second highest reason for divorce behind finance. So they figure if you aren't sexually compatible, it is better to find out early on, rather then waste yours and your partners time getting to know each other, when it will ultimately not work anyways.
my current relationship started out like that. we hooked up first and kept a casual relationship for about 2 years and then we broke it off because he was going to england for a month. then he realized that he actually cared about me and wanted to be with me, so he confessed and apologized for not taking me seriously and not treating me the way i should've been treated and we've been together since. it hasn't been all hunky dory since then, there definitely has been some ups and downs but we're still making it and still very happy!