Last night I was watching the Cavs-Magic game with a couple of friends when I received a text message from my most recent ex-girlfriend. As a quick smattering of background, our relationship ended abruptly at her deciding. As it was out of the blue, I suspected another man, but as the dumped are wont to do even with a history of lies, we believe the people we care about. So when she said there was no one else, just the fade of love, I believed it.
Six weeks of wallowing - on how our relationship had dissolved so seemingly instantaneously - later, I discovered there was in fact another man and, better yet, the one I suspected. To me it was semantics whether the physicality began before our relationship officially ended. I had the information I needed and I made as clean a break as I could.
I struggled over understanding why she couldn't just tell me the truth about why she had broken up with me.
Instead she had invented a number of reasons, all of which amounted to blaming me in a passive aggressive manner, "I won't say this was the problem, but it wasn't
not the problem" kind of crap.
Still as much as we want to label the person who broke up with us as cruel and heartless (and sometimes he or she is) there is generally a human in there. There are feelings of guilt that can be difficult to reconcile. Though your feelings for someone are gone, you know he or she is a good person and you feel bad for hurting him or her.
That is all well and good, but why send me a text when we haven't spoken for a month? And why do so under the sneaky pretenses of an accidental text? Yes, I received a text that "wasn't intended for me" but so very much was. My response was a simple, "who is this?"
So what of it, do you randomly contact your exes that you broke it off with in an ugly manner? Why?
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Comments (29)
I'd be like, "ho, I'm better than you, have fun with life."
well if you don't care to really be friends with her, just go on and not say anything. Tell her that you don't really want to be in contact with her or something. If you do want to be just friends, make sure she knows that too, even if you have to say that you wont be as close as you guys used to be.
Happened to me too.
Guy was irresponsible in general. Guy turned into asshole. Guy dumped me. Guy asked me to stick around. Guy asked for FW/B. Guy continued to have terrible sex with me.
Then I left because I realized there are way better people out there and I didn't deserve the lies and crap he was throwing at me. He never even tried to tell me the truth as to why he dumped me. He just kept changing the reasons. 14 of them, to be exact, plus the four he told some of my mild acquaintances, hoping they'd get back to me.
And then he slept with one of my friends.
And THEN he sent me a myspace message, apologizing for his behavior. I deleted it, and when he continued to try and contact me and talk to me on campus, I messaged him back, told him to get his head straight, and that he needed to get his ass out of the line of thinking that I'd ever even want to be his friend anymore.
I didn't care about the guilt he may have had for being an ass. Let it be a lesson to him. That, and the fact that my friend laughed at him after the pathetic excuse of sex he tried to have with her.
At least I cared enough about him to do it with him and continue to do it without any complaints or teasing, you know? I think he realized that and finally understood how much of a jerk he was to me.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - Me too!!!!
I love the "who is this". I would have done that too. But then again if an ex had told me their name I probably would have said "I'm sorry, who?"
But that's just me. I have no soul.
because you still miss them and because you still like them. A part of you still wants to be with them, at the same time, you're still not sure. maybe you're in a confusing spot, and you just miss the person and the way the relationship was...
I've done that. People with the audacity to do that.
mine really was by accident. but the dude that broke up with me.... i pretended to accidentally text him. i know. so stupid. i just wanted him back. but man. when i think back to all that. THAT WAS ALL SO STUPID! haha. but whatever. when his name comes up in a conversation. i act as if i dont know him. now that i think about it. i dont know him anymore. sometimes i think he was just a figment of my imagination... whoaaaa. haha.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - Hahaha! That's funny.
@acst2@xanga - Haha, thanks. :D
Nope, I haven't.
Oh yes, This happens to me. I've been on and off with this guy for 3 years, and every time we break it off, I tell him to not talk to me. About 3 months, give or take a few days, he'll text me, or email me, saying "hey, how are you? i've been thinking about you." and the whole damn cycle starts all over again. I suppose I could stop it; but I guess I don't really want it to stop. :/
@A_Chronicle_Of_The_Dreamer@xanga - thats funny. I would've done the same.
i have, mine was a drunk text. but i think i was just so miserable because we ended things badly. plus, i wasn't over him yet, i wanted answers for questions that i never got answered.
@acst2@xanga - You know, that's exactly how I feel about my ex. Almost as if we've never gone out. *LOL* It's a good way to get over someone. Time does heal old wounds.
she wants to stay in your mind, and doesn't want to be dismissed. She wants her cake and eat it too....
I've only had one "ex" that I tried to contact after we were through, but he was never really a bf situation, more of a friends-with-benefits situation where he developed feelings for me when I made it clear that we weren't dating.
Things blew up really badly and did not go down well. I was offended that he had taken no notice when I said we were only ever going to be friends, and he was offended that his proclaimations of love fell on deaf ears.
I've since tryed to contact him on a number of occasions, because I know we'd be very good friends, but he has responded that he only has romantic feelings for me. I just leave it at that because I don't have the same feelings for him and never will, and he has more feelings than I have toward him.
It gets uncomfortable though when we occassionally cross paths.
i did only because before we broke up my aunty said if she had an openning at her work she'll give him a job..she wanted me to call him to tell him..but he thinks i wanted him back when i said on the message im calling for my aunty..LOL
I sometimes accidentally send mass texts to my ex, but it's always stupid little stuff like "Who wants to party?" sent to my address book or "TURN ON THE RADIO NOW" intended for my best girl friend, whose name is right under his.
@Leitey@xanga - wow! She slept with a lot of people... im glad the eff buddy thing worked out though
I deleted my ex's number from my phone because I didnt want to see it on my phone and it helped me move on-- he called me a few days ago after about 1.5 months of not talking and I could not recognize his number, I was so proud of myself later on. He said he missed me, but it could just be that he's lonely?
"Who is this?" is definitely better than "Hoe, I'm better than you". Way to go!
@Leitey@xanga - i was soo mad after he called. I had finally forgotten a good deal about him and that phone call made me remember him all over again. Im sorry you were hurt so many times by this girl, thats so unfortunate that there are people like that around. I hope it works out for you better the next time
I got a random phone call once.
My ex had moved to another state and told me through a mutual friend that he no longer wanted to talk to me ever, so I accepted it and moved on, fully expecting for that to be it. I did have another boyfriend of 10 months and was happy with him, so I wasn't exactly sad. My man and I were at the mall hanging out when I got a phone call. I knew the voice was familiar, but I didn't recognize the number. After a minute, I realized who it was. My ex.
The purpose of this surprise call? To gripe me out. Seriously? You call me, after not talking for months solely to complain about my actions, my personality and my character?
What the....?!!!?
You break up with someone, that person can either keep you as a friend or have nothing to do with you. You whore around as this girl did, you should be grateful if your ex responds to your accidental text with "who is this?" Bottom line, contacting exes randomly is gross and pathetic. Tell the tramp to delete your contact info so her fake messages end up with the loser she cheated on you with.