Saturday, 30 May 2009
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Should I Wait It Out or Move On?
I was "seeing" this guy, Ryan, back in college, and on a mutual agreement we chose not to become boyfriend and girlfriend. This was because we knew we would be leaving when school was finished. We live four hours from one another, and because our relationship was new and fresh, we foresaw that living so far away from each other for four months would be pretty difficult. We decided we would wait to see if anything could happen in the future when we get back to school in the fall.
This guy amazes me; I have never met someone like him. He just gets me, and says the perfect things at all the right times. I've missed him every day since he left. So now we've been on summer break for about a month and a half. We talk occasionally and have tried to make plans to see each other, but our schedules don't jive too well.There is this other guy, Scott - I know him from a mutual friend. We're hanging out a lot and get along really well. I know he has feelings for me, as he has told both me and our mutual friend. He is a genuinely nice person, very funny, and cute. I do have feelings for him in return. I am iffy about what to do, because in the back of my mind Ryan is always there.
I don’t want to lead Scott on; I know how much that hurts to be let down after you thought you had a chance. But I am wrestling with the fact that I do like him, and am swaying on whether or not I should continue on with doing what we’re doing, and if I’d be missing out on something great. I’m confused as to if I should just wait it out for Ryan, or if I should just go for it and see how things turn out with Scott.
Should I continue to hang out with Scott and see where things go? Do you think it would be considered disloyal to Ryan to continue hanging out with Scott, even though Ryan and I are not an official couple but left our future out in the open?
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- From: lovethose__quotes@xanga
- Name: cassandra
- About Me: love, life, friendship and inspiration. you can request quotes here (L) -'I think of you just to save myself sometimes'
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Comments (26)
Wow, this came at the perfect time for me.
In order to not mess up future chances with the first guy, don't get with the second guy.
Go for Scott. You're not in a committed relationship with Ryan. If you really feel uncomfortable about it, talk to Ryan and see if he's thinking of seeing anyone else or if he does want to stir things up again in the fall.
If anything, go with your gut instinct. Only you know what is right for you.
I can't tell you what to do.. only you can decide what's best.. but here are things to consider.
1) never settle. If you'd go for guy number 2 just because guy number one isn't available..... then that isn't fair to guy number 2.
2) If it isn't possible for guy number 1 to make time for you... EVER... then you aren't that important to him. You should value yourself.
3) If you did decide to go to guy number 2, it IS likely that guy number one will get jealous and go after you. That does not necessarily mean anything good... some guys just want what they can't have.
4) when all else fails, there is nothing wrong with declining the both of them.
Which one do you like better? Who do you care for the most? Which one makes you happier? I'd say that's the one to go for.
@mZdejavuZ@xanga - i totally agree.
you don't want to mess something up with the person you really have feelings for just because there's a distance. try to make it work if you really want to be with someone because if you don't you're going to regret your decision later on.
Best advice anyone's ever given me: Do what makes you happy.
Go for the guy you like more.
Talk to Ryan about it. He might be going through the same thing.
Talk to either Ryan or Scott about it, whoever you feel "deserves" to be talked to about this (or both of them). I don't understand what's so scary about this kind of honesty. If you want a relationship with one of them, then you should be able to talk about these kinds of things, no?
Go with the guy you like more. If you feel a bit guilty hanging with Scott, then probably your heart is with Ryan.
I think you should go for scott. althought you may be waiting for ryan, you are still young, BOTH of you are still meeting new people and experiencing new things, you still have a lot to learn in life. Both of you may have different views in things or may be a different person by the time you meet again, or may be the same. its a 50/50 chance. But you take the chances life gives you. If it is meant to be, maybe later on the next time you see ryan again you may be single again, and it may go well, or, both of you may realize you have your own lives and how different you are by then.
If you go out with scott your feelings may change. Though right now you truely believe ryan will always be in the back of your head, your feelings may change once it becomes more serious with scott, you never know. Its a 50/50 chance, but i do know holding on to things forever and missing out on chances in life holds you back too, so I say go for it, or go for what you believe in.
@JaydenWolf@xanga - agree on all points
well i mean you're only back for another 2.5 months. then scott situation wouldn't be tehre. who do you like more? and talk to ryan about it. or maybe not because then he'd get all freaked out. just go with your heart
You aren't obligated to Ryan or Scott for that matter in any way possible romantically. You are free to see whoever you want. Choose the person who you really want to be with. However, don't settle for guy 2 just because you can't get guy 1. If you're going to date Scott because you can't date Ryan, don't bother. It really isn't fair to Scott because it makes him second banana, and nobody really likes feeling second best. Be with Scott or Ryan because you want to be, not because you're settling. And even on a personal note for you, if you settle you won't be truly happy in the relationship anyway.
I personally would say go with Scott. You already tried with Ryan. If you guys really, really, wanted to stay together, you would have tried to make the distance work...know what I'm saying?
I've seen couples who've done it, and my boyfriend was gone for a while in the army too. So I've been able to do distant (( of course it's not for everyone )). And you really could be missing out on a good thing with Scott. You shouldn't feel guilty or anything towards Ryan because you're not in a committed relationship anymore.
My point is, I just think you should try this out with Scott. If you really care about Ryan (( like you do )) then talk to him about it. Say how you're feeling. You never know what honesty can do.
IF you believe its going to be great, why not wait?
I say that if you are not committed, you are a free agent. Especially since you say you talk to Ryan only occasionally. You don't have to get serious with Scott, but you can certainly explore it further then decide how you feel. And do you know what Ryan is up to? Is it possible he is getting with other girls? Only way to know is to ask him. I would suggest being open with both Ryan and Scott. You would not be disloyal or cheating no matter what you decide.
www.HookingUpSmart.com
omg. this post is perfect timing ;)
here's my suggestion: go to ryan and see where you guys are at right now. get that straight and clear. I think its best, cause i didnt do that n then it only made me wonder the "what ifs" and if he wants to 'continue to be friends' thing then i say go for Scott! Cause Ryan is only gonna keep you hanging n honestly, u guys probably wont go anywhere, it'll always be the in-between frdships.
so dont wait for Ryan if he 'just wants to be friends' when there's a guy who's sweet n waiting for ya!
Tell Scott about Ryan, but then have a serious conversation about if with Ryan about if anything will ever happen between the two of you. If not, see if Scott still want to be with you. If yes, let Scott go... Good Luck..
I feel you. I've had feelings for this girl for as long as I can remember, but I've moved on. I still think about her, but I still try to move on. Maybe you can find what you had with that Ryan guy with this Scott guy as well. That's what I hope for everytime I find myself entering a relationship.
i feel like you like ryan more and should go with him.
talk to them both. dont settle. and make the choice that is best for YOU.
go with your gut. If you don't have a gut feeling, you might want to just wait and see what happens -