As I read
a recent Datingish post, my question was this: Why is marriage the destination of all relationships? If you are in a relationship and you are not thinking marriage, then the relationship is considered to be going nowhere.
It is hard today to find a marriage that lasts. If you are dating someone and living with him or her, in my opinion, you are just as much married as the next couple. Marriage gets you a few extra privileges but that is about it; you can live with the person you are dating, you can have a child with the person you are dating, you can have joint bank accounts with the person you are dating, you can buy a house and car with the person you are dating. The list can go on and on but most marriages these days end in divorce so by dating you can help reduce the divorce rate in this country.
A lot of people, it seems, actually get married to try and save the relationship instead of facing facts and ending it; they get married then end up getting a divorce within five years. It would be amazing to see a marriage even last that long these days. My point is, you can live a very happy normal life with someone you are dating without being married; if more people were being lax about relationships instead of being uptight and stressed out about the thought of marriage, relationships could go a lot more smoothly, and they actually might stay together longer that way.
It is so sad to see people criticized and looked down upon because they don't want marriage; you hear a girl say she doesn't want to be married and she is labeled a "slut". I do not agree with that at all and I am tired of ignorant people judging other people just because they do not agree with some of their views.
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Comments (97)
Good for you! You figured it out!
i still want to get married! :)
I do not think that if you want to marry someone, you shouldn't because you "might" get divorced. Life is about chances and risks, and if you want to get married I say go for it. If not, there is nothing wrong with that either. Live how you want to live. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks.
I love being married --- being a wife is something I've wanted since I was a little girl. I have so many wonderful marriage examples around me. I can honestly say I know more married people than divorced people.
My husband and I don't believe in divorce, except in reasons of infidelity and even in that case, we've both made the promise that working on the marriage is the first priority in that case. I just can't imagine ever cheating on him.....or him cheating on me! It just isn't going to happen!
To us, our marriage was a sacred vow that we took before God and it is not something to take lightly. I think it is very sad that we live in a society where marriage is just another thing you can "throw away" if you don't like it. :(
I was married but not for long. I was married for 2 years, but that was only because I was waiting for my divorce to go through. I think my decision to get married was very rash and rushed and a mistake, I had a difficult marriage, it wasn't really what I wanted or expected. I am glad I'm divorced. She wasn't the one for me.
I believe in marriage and I believe it brings the couple into a whole new level of commitment. But nowadays, couples shouldn't need to be married in order to be socially accepted. People are sure going to ask though if you date for 15 years and still not married.
i don't think not getting married is the best solution to the divorce situation. it's not like only married couples have relationship problems and those who just date or live together are always happy.
if living together equates being married, then shouldn't breaking up from a long term live-in relationship be just as "bad" as divorce? i'm not sure your argument is logically consistent.
i think the real problem is that people don't spend enough time getting to really know and love themselves before they try to share life with another person. and that causes them to make bad choices as to who they have relationships with and how they go about it. i can kind of see where you're coming from (america clearly has relationship issues), but i think the problem is a bit bigger than marriage vs. living together.
:)
I don't think getting married is necessary. Some people like it and some people don't, but seriously, if you're in a committed relationship and you love that person very much and you don't plan on being with anybody else, putting a ring on both your fingers doesn't hinder any possibility of either one of you cheating or the relationship failing, etc. I just feel like marriage is a force a lot of the time because people put so much faith in that ring. I'm not a cynic or anything, it's just my POV. I don't think I'm going to get married. I haven't decided yet.
It just part of culture in society, and how different people view society. The biggest different is the divorce law, in splitting asset after a divorce.
I don't see why we have to be so negative about marriage. Yeah, it's true, it's sad so see most of them end in divorce, but I guess the whole point is doing it for the experience. Because at the moment, it made you happy and it made your partner happy.
I guess if marriage ain't all that important, there is NO POINT on gay people fighting for the same right...Hmm..
I agree that marriage isn't necessary...I definately agree that you can have the same things as a married couple without actually being married. I think it's more about the symbolism and what not.
I still want to get married.
My aunt was shunned by the rest of my family because she did all that with her boyfriend...he should have been her husband. And yes, I do think it sounds dumb when someone introduces the person that they have all that shit with as their "boyfriend".
It's a public commitment to one another and a huge part every country's tradition. It shows just how serious you are- if a boy is willing to spend 1000's of dollars on a ring for me and announce to everyone that he loves me and will never leave, then that's saying something. As for divorce- shit happens.
its sad that society has fucked up the sanctity of marriage so bad...that people are now thinking to themselves "what is the point in marriage?"
I mean I def. understand why people would think that NOW. especially with the high divorce rates etc etc. people are just not taking marriage seriously anymore and it really is heart breaking because, to me, marriage is the ultimate commitment and it means so much.
I think people these days are taking the idea of being together forever too lightly...their younger and less experienced and now a days with so many opportunities and temptations at every corner its hard to stay loyal.
It understandable but I dont think the hope and faith in marriage should fade. I still have faith and deff hope that my marriage will last. And, if I give my all and am willing to sacrafice and my SO is willing to do the same. I dont see why it wont....
marriage is a personal choice. You have the choice to do whatever you please. But dont ask the question "why is marriage important?" as though people who do choose so are stupid.
80 to potentially 100 years with the same person is a long time. People change, interests change. No one is the same person at 60 that they were at 20. Why should we stay with the same mate who may or may not have grown in the same direction?
@defenitelymaybe@xanga - omgg SO AGREE
@chayswag@xanga - exactly :) took the words right out of my mouthh
I don't think people have to get married, I don't see why they have to or why it seems weird if they don't.
However, I don't think that anything would change (when it comes to the length of a relationship) if they were to remain unmarried. I don't think it's the title of marriage that deteriorates anything. It's the relationship itself, and it's the two people in the relationship that cause it.
I think divorce rates would go down if certain people would just live with each other, of course; because then marriage rates would go down, also. The problem is: So many people go into a marriage having no idea what they're doing. A lot of the time they aren't mature, and they find out that they don't really even know the person they married. I think a marriage can last forever if the two people care about one another enough, if they try hard enough, and if they're compatible enough.
The main thing living together changes, if you look at the technical and just the technical, is: Last names, and it's easier to leave.
It really depends on a persons point of view when it comes to marriage and whatnot. I think it'd suck to never be married to someone you're in love with.
I'm so tired of seeing so many negative posts about marriage, jeeze louise. (Not saying yours is all negative, but yes.)
totally agreeed!!
Your post was great, but I still want to get married.
There are going to be those that don't, those that get married but then divorce, and those that get married & last their whole lifetime.
If I did all of that with my boyfriend, I would probably get kickedout/basically "dead" to my family. Circumstances would be different if he were my husband. When you introduce him and you have a child, people will automatically get assumptions and bad first impressions of you.. if he's your boyfriend. I still think being married is one of the few traditions that should never be disowned. I mean, for me, I would rather make it official then have a boyfriend for my whole life. It says a lot when a boy will spend thousands on a ring and wedding for your happiness. That tells you that he's in it forever.
Marriage isn't for everyone, and obviously you can do the same things when you're not married as you can when you are. But for legal reasons, it's a TERRIBLE idea to buy a house (or own any significant investment) together if you're not married, unless you have a hard and fast contract put together beforehand (which most people don't). If you split up and own property together, it's a nightmare to split everything.
@kieri126@xanga - I love it when people comment back!
People who want to get married and make that commitmen deserve the same respect we give the people who choose not to make it.
We're not stupid or hopeless romantics, we just know we're capable of making something like marriage work. Or at least, give it a try.
can you have kids in dating relationship? everyone wants a family, no person can be complete without having a family. why to be afraid of getting married? why to think it'll end up in divorce? it's all about loving your partner more than yourself and keep his/her priorities before yours. Than there will be no divorce.
if you are not married n still have kids. what your kids will say.. hhmm... my parents are still dating and in living relationship with each other?? marry someone you love and try to work it out. running away is not a solution to decrease the divorce rate, unconditional love certainly is the solution.
i just think people get married because they think it'll solve their problems out but sometimes the person you think is the person you'd want to spend the rest of your life with isn't always going to be the one. i still believe in marriage, but until i find that someone, i'm not going to rush into marriage with just any man that comes along.
"but most marriages these days end in divorce"
I AM SO SICK OF HEARING THIS UNTRUE STATISTIC QUOTED.
The actually fact of the matter is the divorce rate in the United States is still under 50%, and if you consider that the people that get divorced once usually get married again and divorced again, the statistic is even a little skewed in favor of divorce because there ARE people who mess up multiple times.
This does not mean everyone messes up.
Marriage to me means commitment. It means you are not afraid to sign the paper and make the vows and buy the ring that means I will love you for the rest of my life. My mother has been divorced once after a seven year marriage and next year she will have been married to my dad for 25 years. She doesn't regret her first marriage, either, however. Divorces are not all irresponsiblity. Sometimes they happen because people change and become different from who they were when they first got married, and first made that commitment. Your life sometimes takes you on a ride and you realize you are not the same person you were before.
Divorces happening are not an excuse for not getting married.
I think the biggest problem is that people do not share the same views of marriage when they get married and that can lead to problems. For me, it means the rest of our lives together, and I would not marry someone who didn't feel the same way. It is not the financial benefits or because it's not right to live together without being married, or anything like that. It is a life long commitment and I think people need to start treating it as such.
And for the record, my brother and sister in law have been married for seven years, so yes, some marriages do last beyond five years "these days."
I agree that marriage is not a solution to relationship problems, and I have been told by people that are married that you should not say yes if you have any doubts whatsoever about the relationship, or if it's what you want.
I respect that some people do not want the commitment of marriage, but you are so cynical and misinformed and ignorant about marriage as a whole that you have insinuated untrue statistics. Perhaps if you stepped outside your own social ring, you would see that successful marriages are happening all the time in this country.