Friday, 29 May 2009
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I Was Expecting My BFF to Be Like A Boyfriend...
Hey guys, so here's the problem: Recently my (guy) best friend and I have been having some issues. I wasn't too pleased with his attitude towards me, especially his I-don't-mind attitude. Long story short, I realized I was expecting too much and had expectations on him as a boyfriend, not a best friend. Realizing the problem, I lowered my expectations and started treating him back as just a close friend. It should be a happy ending, right? Nope. The thing is, while he and I were still in our "cold war", I asked a friend of mine to help me see what's wrong and explain my feelings to him, why I was upset and angry at him all that...so my friend became the mediator between the two of us. But now, because he'd talked to her more during that whole time, when he and I are supposed to be back to normal, now they are becoming closer than he and I were! Now, "they" are talking on the phone, texting. Now he finds her to talk about stuff, NOT me.
So what am I supposed to do? I introduced her to him in the first place (stupid move, right?) and she's a close friend, so I feel stupid to be angry at a friend over a guy. After all, all gals say friendships are more important than guys (supposedly).
I don't know if I should tell her how I feel; I'm afraid I'm worrying over nothing. And how about my best friend? Should I tell him how I feel? And how do I get him to talk back to me?
help!
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- From: Beck_ii@xanga
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Comments (20)
You should have done what you got her to do: listen to him, be close to him, pay attention. Wake up.
^what he said (damn you! always first!! lol)
It seems your just a bit jealous that he's becoming closer with someone else. You should be the one going to him and trying to regain his friendship, not sitting around and hopeing he'll call you. He isn't just your friend, so learn to share and live with it. Sometimes, you can't be best friends forever.
i'm sort of the same as u. I have a really good guy friend and i have to stop myself from expecting him ot be like a bf. and i get jealous if he talks to girls i know. But i think what u need to do is talk to him about it, and youreally can't control him talking to that girl. It sucks, but it's really up to him. It shouldn't affect your friendship with him though. So talk to him about it, and tell him how u're upset things are changing and u miss how u guys used to be etc...
should have just told him you liked him in the beginning, because look, you do.
You're saying how you realize he's just a best friend and not you boyfriend, but you still make him sound like a boyfriend! Except you're using "Best friend" instead.
Just tell him how you feel. Maybe he isn't your best friend.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - Listen to the boy! He's right you know! Damn teenagers and their know-it-allness. I swear, when I was your age we had to shuffle a thousand miles through the snow to the nearest internet page to look up dating advice!
SNOW! ON THE INTERNET!
Why don't you call him and start talking with him? Don't treat it as a competition. Unfortunately maybe he feels more comfy with your gal friend now.
Maybe you should talk to him about it. Just because they're close friends doesn't mean you two can't be. Besides, you just got over that "cold war" phase, so I wouldn't expect things to go back to normal immediately. Healing takes time, so just let things cool down completely and be his friend like you were before. Good luck!
Well do you want to be his best friend or not? Be there for him. Since you guys are BFFs you should be fine. It's obviously not your friend's fault as you said yourself, but just do the same thing she does. At least he isn't your boyfriend or that wouldn't be such a good sign. Sometimes making more friends or getting a new best friend is cool too.
Well, he's your best friend and not your boyfriend, so just start to call him. E-mail him. Do something to get his attention. Or else it may start to slip.
It seems like you have a little crush on your "best friend." I've learned to never ask a close friend to talk to my crush for me. It ALWAYS backfires..why don't you just call him up and talk to him? Don't rely on other people to solve problems for you.
Don't expect him to treat you like a gf unless you're having sex with him =P. just date the guy, jeez. or find a bf.
@MauTimHoaSim@xanga - agreed
plus it's something between you and him not her.
Hmm....if he is your "best friend" and she is you friend too, then shouldn't you be happy for their friendship as well. You're acting kinda like a jealous "gf," but you already said you weren't (unless you aren't sure either...). I guess the way I see it, best friends don't have to be there for you every second of every day. And since you're trying to lower your expectation for him, then it's good to give him his space. You can still try to contact him and even talk to your girl friend to ask if you're guy friend is still mad at you. You know, just casually asking how's it going. Also, why not try asking to hang out together, the three of you?
From what you say, I'm confused about how you feel toward your best "guy" friend...
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - lol agreed
im actually in the opposite situation as you. Being someones best friend should be kept as best friend level, and not like a boyfriend. My bestfriend told me he liked me like a year ago, and today he acts more like a boyfriend than a bestfriend and i rather him not be like that but just keep outselves at friend zone.
As a bestfriend, you would hope the best for him and yes, that means not getting jealous, because you to aren't dating. If you like him more than that, you should tell him :) You should also give him space, but don't let the relationship drift apart. Go out for lunch sometime
HA I know exactly how you feel: Problems with a best guy friend, my best girl friend acting as mediator, and the two of them getting way too close for comfort. Unfortunately, I chose to do nothing in this situation, and it ended terribly. If you want things to get better, you have to talk to them, because 1) You might cease to be close friends with either/both of them, 2) One might like the other or vice versa, or 3) They both might like each other. Of course there are many other possibilities, but these are from my own experience.
What if they like each other? How will you feel? Will you get even more jealous? Do you actually like him more than a best friend and didn't realize it because you were taking your friendship with him for granted?
If I was him I would probably talk to a girl who was willing to listen to me and wasn't ever mad at me for silly reasons. By talking to him personally you might be able to sort everything out.
And p.s. many girls may say friendships are more important than guys, but deep deep deep down, whether we admit it or acknowledge it or not, many girls will see every other girl as competition.
I think you should make the effort in trying to talk to him again. You shouldn't focus on your close friend and him getting closer. Because it's YOUR friendship with him that you want back, do something about it. You shouldn't just sit on the side and give up just because he started texting, calling, and talking to her more.
Sometimes it can be as easy as all 3 of you hanging out together. In my experience when I introduce a friend to a new friend, they get closer. Which concerns me, but, if you make a effort to stay into contact, call, e-mail, etc, then things should get back on track. If you guys recently are getting out of this cold war it may take a while to get back on track.
I am in this SAME EXACT situation/am just starting to come out of this exact situation after four months of dealing with it. The solution? Just chill.
I was worried that I would lose my best friend over all of this, and in truth, I did, but I couldn't change that so I just looked past that more often than not and now I am doing well. Now that I look back at the situation, it was my overreacting, my worrying, etc. that caused him to back away in the first place. He is getting closer to the other girl because he needs something to be normal, something to be calming during this time period and that just seems to be the ticket to help him forget that this is even going on.
It hurts to hear and/or see that they are close, doesn't it? You're going to be jealous, seek advice from a myriad of places and people, read articles that apply to what's happening and what has happened. It's going to be harder than hell but you need to ignore the jealously, ignore that they are better friends, ignore the "go-get-him" articles telling you what to do and just relax.
My advice? Go about life as if you're fine, as if nothing has shattered your perspective and after letting him be him for a while drop him a hint saying that you miss him, that you know it's awkward between you two but you really do miss talking with him. He'll slowly but surely come back--Don't encourage it though because then you'll become overexcited and things will go back to normal without you ever finding out how and why they went wrong.
Good luck and stay strong.
Liz <3