Thursday, 28 May 2009

• What Guys and Girls Actually Look for When They Date

  Okay, something I feel I need to write about is this idea that guys are superficial tail hunters and nothing else. Women seem to have this idea that how they appraise the opposite sex is better than how males do it because it is more commonly acceptable. But, this isn't really true. Both genders, because of genetic, societal, and environmental factors, appraise possible mates in differing, but equally shallow ways. We all need to realize this. When you make any kind of judgment or opinion of someone you haven't met or talked to, your opinion of him or her is going to based on superficial things (this is how stereotypes work, by the way. You judge a group based on what appear to be common characteristics). This is in contrast to people (like friends and family) who you know very well, and have knowledge and experience with them to base your opinions on.
  
  So, to start, I will try to, in a short way, talk about how men and women (heterosexual ones. I don't have the research with me to talk about homosexual attraction, but whatever. I'm not a damn professor of this crap) appraise possible mates based on nothing more than appearances.
  
  First up, guys. Easy enough, because it is plastered throughout our society. Guys like big tits, big asses, and skinny stomachs. This is based on the waist-hip ratio idea. Men look for large hips in comparison to waist because this shows how fertile a woman appears to be. This goes back to the old days. We have evolved to look for mates that will make it easier to reproduce. So there's that. As for the breast size, I would guess that part of that comes from the same thing (larger breasts would imply that a woman could care for a child better), but I do believe that most of guys' infatuation with big boobs come from our society. If you look at the emphasis put on breasts in the US compared with Europe, you will notice that we care more about large hooters than our European relatives. And, for why we guys look for skinny girls, look at the media. In the '20s, it was way more attractive to be what would now be called "plump" than it is today.
  
  Anyway. I'm not making an excuse. I think it's pretty lame how much guys worry about things that.
  
  And the girls... I am going to start this by saying that, though girls tend to be more monogamous than men, they are just as sexual. Ladies, you know that hormone spike you get once a month during ovulation? That high amount of testosterone? Yeah. We have that all the time. Not an excuse. Just something to remember.
  
  But, whatever. When a woman appraises a male, she is just as petty as guys are, but in a completely different way. You know what drives it? Money. Well, kind of. Women have been trained and have evolved to look for stability in a mate and someone that will be able to take care of a family. So, a male that is better groomed and dressed has the appearance of money. Money means that their family will be taken care of - for the most part, at least.
  
  An experiment in the UK showed this. A man was shown to women and the women were asked to appraise his looks. He was wearing jeans and a sweater. They gave him about a 3-4 out of 10. They then showed him to another group, but this time they gave him a suit and sunglasses and had him stand with more assurance in his posture. He went up to a 7 out of 10. When asked how he appeared to be in the first trial, the common answer was a blue collar worker who made some money, but didn't have a career. The second time, it was said that he had power and that he might have been an executive or politician. The reason this is comparable to how guys appraise girls is that this doesn't reflect personality. Yes, you will have a greater chance of picking someone who dresses and might make more money, but you know nothing about his or her opinions, demeanor, or general outlook in life. You are still superficially judging somebody (which is okay! There is nothing wrong with this. This is how we as a species have survived).
  
  But, none of this is relevant in the end. We pick people that stay in our lives based on way more than first appearances. When judging a possible relationship and not just initial attraction, both genders tend to pick very similar qualities to look for. When looking for a long-term relationship, do you think guys are consistently dumb enough to base their criteria solely on bust and hip measurements? No, we don't. We appraise girls like girls appraise us. In my social psych class, we actually demonstrated this. My professor asked us what we look for in a person to date. Things like respect, honesty, intelligence, career, and similar interests appeared in both genders' boxes. Although, the guys did have one the girls didn't: good credit score, which I think was the best answer. Problem is, that one came from my gay friend, Andrew... so... yeah...
  
  In the end, we all look for the same kinds of attributes in people we want in our lives. Yes, of course we look at superficial things at first, but, in the end, guys or girls, we want the same thing: healthy relationships.
  
  I apologize for the length. But, this has been bugging me for while.
  
  Side note. What this means: Guys aren't pigs. Guys and girls are pigs. We all make petty judgments based on appearances. Oink.
  
  Your significant other can have friends of the opposite sex. We don't make and keep friends just because they are attractive. Hell, we all have some ugly ass friends (or, they are unattractive to us, at least. That's why we tend not to date them).
  
  We are all in the same boat. Guys, girls, stop being asses about these kinds of things. :D 
  

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