"So are you done with school for the summer?"
"Yes, well, for eternity actually."
"Oh no! That sux! We will never get to meet now..."
:: Brittany has logged off ::
Facebook chatting with a man who found you on the online dating website your best friend signed you up for behind your back is a bizarre experience.
It all started out as a joke - the coalition to get Brittany a boyfriend. I had exhausted my options at school, so why not take a look around my surrounding areas? Just for funsies.
I talked to a man who worked for ESPN radio. He didn't appreciate my disdain for all things sports-related (with the obvious exception of David Beckham). I casually chatted with a Virginia state trooper. He didn't find it funny when I asked if his job at all resembled the movie "Super Troopers". Things just weren't working out for me. But what did I care, this was all a joke... right?
I had to admit that as the messages started flooding my inbox, I found my interest piqued. Who knows? Maybe we was destined to be the couple featured on the eHarmony commercials. But, inevitably, all the men who contacted me were either old enough to be my father or teenaged sex fiends. I couldn't help but think that perhaps online dating was meant for an older crowd. You know, men and women in their late 30s, ready for a mature relationship but without a proper social outlet in which to find romance.
But then I met my friend's new boyfriend.
She had always had a little trouble with love - a cheating ex-boyfriend that never seemed to be out of the picture, another that was overbearing, overprotective and over-the-line when it came to her personal life. But this new boyfriend was something different. They seemed really and truly happy. Noah and Allie
Notebook-style happiness. Little did I know that they had met via an online dating service.
What a twist! I never thought in a million years that online dating would work for college students. I figured that there were too few college-aged males that would be mature enough to take it seriously, never mind actually looking for a real relationship! Not to mention the risks. You never know who is behind the computer screen. Has the Craigslist Killer taught us nothing???
But as I delved more into this idea of college students on dating websites, I found more and more people I knew who were taking advantage of this social network. Even one of my sorority sisters had been on a few dates with people from such a site.
And so I found myself at a crossroad. A true dating dilemma. To online date, or not.
I took myself off the dating website after various (disastrous) virtual encounters. I couldn't wrap my head around the idea of actually meeting a stranger, even if it was in a highly public location. But I couldn't deny that there were success stories right in front of my eyes.
Is online dating suitable for twentysomethings? For these sites, what do you imagine the target age for an online dater is?
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Comments (42)
Online dating hardly ever ends well. I don't have anything against it, that's just the honest truth. You're better off to just expand your horizons and meet new people than have to run all over the world to meet people you may not even like upon a face-to-face meeting.
i think that online dating is fine for people in their 20's really, as long as the other person is full out serious about it and it's not some giant joke for giggles.
but really, think the main target for online dating services like eharmony is like working people that really just want to settle down. Live the steryotypical life with a wife and children, you knowwsss
I just don't know if I could ever do the online dating thing. I see why some people do it but I am not really that internet-savvy so I don't see how I could make it work for me. Besides, the Craigslist killer really killed (no pun intended) the idea of dating online for me.
But it has worked for some of my guy friends. So the jury is still out.
I don't do online dating. I don't believe you can date someone behind a screen.
However I see nothing wrong with putting yourself out there to meet new people. I mean, whats wrong with making friends, right? And if you end up dating then cool!
I met my girlfriend online. We've been happily together for almost 7 months now.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - maybe because you are too immature to handle it??
I have had great success with online dating. I have met so many great women, and I am not sketchy or creepy or anything like that. In fact, for the first time, I can say that I am friends with most of my recent ex girlfriends - all the ones that I met online actually! People seem more mature because they don't have to work so hard to impress someone - you have ample time to respond, time to think about your answer(s) without having to come up with some impressing story of why blah blah blah.
I think its great for all ages. I am 33 - I have met girls from 24-40 and most have been wonderful. Of course there are those disasters that are bound to happen, but with a positive record out weighing the negative... you can't ignore the odds that you will find someone decent. Plus, YOU get to pre-qualify them long before you meet them. So you can decide if they are a decent fit for you or a complete jackass without having to really waste a lot of time, money, energy, and effort.
These are all plus points over going to the bar and having a trashy slutty guy buy you drinks hoping he is a good catch but most likely just wants sex - and likewise for men going out and buying trashy slutty women drinks just for them to leave you with the bill while they say "see ya and thanks for getting me drunk for free!"
Just my two cents..
Sure, why not?
I used to look down on it, like you, but then a few people told me about success stories, so I changed my mind.
I can't say for everyone, since I've heard my share of creepy stories (I can share some myself) but online dating works for me =) My boyfriend and I met online when I was 22 (he was 24). We've had our ups and downs and even broke up once (long story but it didn't involve any cheating or abuse), but I'd say he is the MOST compatible person I've ever met (he said the same thing about me). We've been together for 2 years, 7 months now...I'm so glad I gave it a go at that time. I'd say just keep your mind open =)
@Jack_Daniels_Distillery@xanga - Because I'm "too immature to handle it"?
It must make you feel real mature to lie about everything about yourself on the internet to get a date with someone you've never met. That's very mature. I'd rather be mature and date people I've interacted with than be immature and date someone on the internet who could be lying about their age, looks, and the rest of their life. Been there, done that, wasted time, and I'd rather date someone who isn't full of BS. At least I gave it a shot.
I've seen lots of success stories too. But like you, I couldn't bring myself to do it.
Nice writing style though :)
I personally believe that it's a lot more fun to just go out and meet people in person rather than dating. It's a lot more better that way so you won't base things only on what the profile says on the internet. Sometimes though there are people who do take advantage so its better to be careful on that sort of stuff.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - Jesus dude... Not everyone needs to lie to be cool. Maybe because I have a real job with long hours, I don't have time to go play "pick me up" at the bar with all the drunk retards that just wanna fuck with an end prize of - tada - your fav. STD!
*sigh* Lay off Mr. Pessimistic. It didn't work for you, doesn't mean the whole damn thing is broken. And its obvious you didn't read the blog because it stated that the writer has heard of A LOT of SUCCESS stories. Just cause you are a failure at life doesn't mean everyone else is.
And yes, my comment of your immaturity still stands because you clearly proved that you are. Maturity is not about - as you put it - "date(ing) someone on the internet who could be lying about their age, looks, and the rest of their life." Maturity is about how you act and interact - not about internet dating. Obviously you can't handle an opinion so you lash out about what you think (I) do - which you have obviously no clue about - thus proving exactly how immature you are and probably why you have had no luck with it.
Now quit spamming to maintain that TRUE (retard) badge you wear so proudly.
@Viserys@xanga - congrats!
im 20-something and i met my bf online =)
we've been together for about 3 months now
haha he's also 20 something too =)
@Jack_Daniels_Distillery@xanga - I don't do bars or clubs, thanks for assuming.
I didn't say the whole thing is broken. I never said that. In my first comment I said "hardly ever works", which means I don't think it has a 0% success rate. I never said that. I did read the post, I don't comment if I didn't read.
And I also already said I don't have anything against it. I just don't care for it and I know tons of people who have also given up on it, and not because they fail at life. It's a fact that people are twice as likely to lie on the internet than they are in person. When you meet someone in person, they can't lie about their looks, because you see them, not a picture on a screen.
I could care less about a stupid badge, it's just a tiny image next to a username.
Funny how you're calling me the spammer when you started it. Maybe you should get a life and stop trolling.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - "Online dating hardly ever ends well. I don't have anything against it, that's just the honest truth."
- that's what you said, insinuating that it is either broken or doesn't work well enough to bother trying - thus the assumption of being broken by your comment.
Ok, you have nothing against it - except that it hardly ever works - which is something against it isn't it?. So which is it? U for or against it?
"It's a fact that people are twice as likely
to lie on the internet than they are in person. When you meet someone
in person, they can't lie about their looks, because you see them, not
a picture on a screen."
No, but they can lie about who they really are - ever hear of the term "poser?" So because you are meeting them in person they can't be equally dishonest? That's what I am saying - people can be dishonest NO MATTER WHAT the situation is. Nothing is stopping anyone from lying to your face.
"Funny how you're calling me the spammer when you started it. Maybe you should get a life and stop trolling."
I rebutted your statement and made the maturity comment because - as you can see from the comments - it hasn't USUALLY ended in failure and misery - or as you put it - well. Quite a number of people have been very successful with it. Just because you have not doesn't mean the world is in self loathing over failure to find someone to date online. So a rebut isn't trolling. It's a statement. U are the one that took it well over that point.
I will quote here so you can see for yourself:
"It must make you feel real mature to lie
about everything about yourself on the internet to get a date with
someone you've never met. That's very mature."
*sigh* I will leave it at that. This is unnecessary spam at this point... If it didn't work for you - great, but it has worked or is working for others. Don't knock it because you didn't fair well at it. Its not for everyone right?
@Jack_Daniels_Distillery@xanga - Fair enough, we can agree to disagree.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - grrr... i hate that statement :P
I will admit to the shortcomings that you stated. Its partially true - but its not a reason to give up either. If you "prequalify" the person, you can avoid all the problems you mentioned. And... first and foremost, you should be looking for friends first anyways. So if you go and meet someone looking for a hook up and you are turned off because you got a bum picture and they are not who they said they were, then that's the dumbass fault of the person expecting a quick hook up.
Anyways, I will shut up now - glad your bro is recovering well.
@Jack_Daniels_Distillery@xanga - Ha, don't worry, I don't use it very often.
True, and I think that's where most people go wrong (and possibly where I did as well) - they want to jump into a relationship, which IS the main point of dating, but still, if you expect too much and don't get to know the person before the date, then you've usually gone wrong. For the most part, I think you're right, people fail because they don't pre-qualify.
Thank you! He's expected to come home tomorrow, or that's the hopes, anyway.
@joycemiles@xanga - I agree with you on that. :)
Online dating can work for anyone so long as they have patience, maturity, and the ability to sort through goofballs and or perverts. I wouldn't use a dating site at all. It feels too fake for me. I do, however, commend those who have the means to use them. (The brainpower. :P)
I don't think it necessarily targets any certain age. I've noticed that on the commercials they appear to be in their late twenties most of the time, though. They never really show college level kids or people just out of highschool.
Just go with the flow. Dont worry too much if online dating would be suitable for you or not. Your young so just enjoy it.
Online dating has been a complete waste of my time and money.
My boyfriend and I met on a non-dating website (chat room really). Although we are far apartment (He's in Denmark, I'm in the U.S.), we have managed to stay together via video chats on MSN and phone calls. He's staying with me for quite a while this summer, and I'm planning on spending Christmas there.
I know many people find this strange and weird, but I love him. My friends keep their opinions to themselves because they know the guys I have dated in the area are no where near compared to my boyfriend in every category. I know one can argue that since I've never been with him face-to-face, I don't know what his TRUE personality is. But do real life couples do, anyway? Many guys say a lot of things just to get into a chick's pants (and vice versa...) so that argument is kind of lame. My boyfriend is 20, and I'm 18; we've both been in long distance relationships before, and this is different for both of us because we feel a connection.
I'm for online dating in your 20-somethings. It's a great way to see a lot of people without a bunch of awkwardness. And after my parent's divorced, they both found their new spouses online, and everything turned out great. Granted, they were much older than 20. :)
i really haven't had much luck in the dating department. all of the local guys i would flirt with never seemed to know that i was flirting with them, or just didn't view me as "dating" type. *sighs* so, i did the eharmony thing, and met a guy on there. we dated for 6 months, only for him to tell me the weekend of valentine's day that he thought things were moving too fast and then broke up with me a day later. oi!
i'm a single mom, work full-time, and go to school, so i don't have a lot of "free time" to go venture out and socialize w/the opposite sex. i kept going back to eharmony and MAN that site is NOT cheap (especially with my income)! well, it's been 2 yrs since my last relationship (the eharmony guy), and i know this may sound weird, but i've met a wonderful man through yahoo messenger. we met in the military chat room (i was in the air force). he's in the army and is deployed to iraq right now. we've been talking for 2 months now, and the times that we do get to chat, we both put on our webcams. he calls me on my phone when he gets the chance as well. things have really hit off for the both of us. he has 4-5 months left over there, so i'm hoping this will give us the opportunity to get to know each other before he comes to my state to be stationed here. i think that since i was prior military and the fact that i've been deployed as well has given us a lot in common to talk about.
well, that's my two cents about this topic. i guess i have looked at internet as a means of getting to know someone due to my situation (single mom), and i do like how you get to talk to them first to get a sense of who they are so you're not on an awkward first date stuttering over what to ask each other.
above all, safety and common sense should be exercised in any of these situations!