Thursday, 28 May 2009
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My Ex's New Girlfriend Wants to Meet Me
Though my ex-boyfriend and I broke up last August, we've remained good friends. I still talk to his family and mutual friends, but have chosen to remain in the dark concerning his girlfriend. My reasoning is as follows:1. I don't want to compare myself to her. So what if he thinks that she's a better girlfriend? I don't want to.
2. His relationship is none of my business. Some things about them I just don't want to know. I'd rather keep all information secret then accidentally hearing details.
3. I don't want to be that awkward ex-girlfriend. You know, the one that can't think of anything to talk about but him..
4. Lastly, what if I actually like her? ..and we actually hang out without him? Okay, so I'm not quite sure why I'm so afraid of this, I just am.Am I being ridiculous and insecure or a respectful ex-girlfriend? Should I just go along with meeting her or respectfully decline? :(
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Comments (50)
No, it is she the one being insecure. I also see this as some kind of control gesture on her part. I would decline decline decline
I'd decline as well. I wouldn't want the drama of having to meet her, no matter how good of a friend my ex was.
The likelihood of the encounter leading to good things is much lower than than the likelihood of the encounter leading to bad things.
I agree with the commentors above me--this is likely a control gesture on her part, or at best a subconscious plea of insecurity.
Decline--it's in your best interest.
- John
I wouldnt decline.
I feel that if i was in this situation and I declined, I'd be insecure about not really anything. You won't see them again. Just be mature about it. I don't get the big deal really. And if you're single, are you afraid of looking alone? Because all the more you can show them how fun the single life is and you're independent and...I don't know. Just if it were me, I wouldn't be the type to decline.
i say decline but if you do go bringa knife justin cayse therzza bitch fight or sumthin yer gunna wanna kom out on top kno wut im sayin
It's up to you, if you hang out with him often. You will eventually meet her. If you purposely decline, she might get offended and get in the way of you two being friends. If you meet her, I think she wants you to know she's there. Tough situation, but if you DON'T want to meet her, then don't. It should be up to your ex to tell her that you're not a threat.
Or are you? ;)
I would decline b/c I'd think she'd want to be the one doing the comparing. I also wouldn't want her asking me personal questions about the sex life the ex and I had before her. None of her biz.
i guess she's being insecure and she wants to compare.. she might end up bitching about you, who knows? or the other way ..lol
Decline. Because she's probably trying to compare herself to you. What a weirdo. I wouldn't want to meet my new bf's ex gf. O.o
If we ran into each other then maybe, but I wouldn't set up a meeting and say, "hey! lets hang!"
I agree with the other commenters that she's the insecure one and wants to size you up.
idk what i would do, is why i'd not be able to stay friends with an ex - even situations like this are too much drama for me
It's possible to have a good friendship with both. I am definitely friends with one of my ex's girlfriends...They've been together for 4 years and I definitely think she is a better girlfriend to him then I was or would ever be. Plus, she's just a cool person all around.
What is in the past, is in the past.
Honestly, I would want to meet you, too. Call it insecure, but if there was an ex that was still good friends with my boyfriend...talking to his family and what not, I'd want to meet her, too. I'd want to size her up and gauge her intentions. I'd want to see how the interactions would be between her and my bf and between me and her. I think she just wants to feel more comfortable with your relationship with him and his friends and family...because I think in her eyes, if you can still remain so close, you could possibly be a threat, and it's scary to have those thoughts when you don't know the person and their intentions to begin with.
I don't think she's trying to compare herself to you, it's possible she just wants to be more comfortable with the idea of you.
And I don't think meeting her in a casual setting means you guys are obligated to speak. Since you and your ex have mutual friends, I suggest going out as a group of friends...and he just invite his girlfriend along. That way it's not some weirdo, uncomfortable "this event is so that you guys can meet and talk and be friends" type of situation.
If I was the other girlfriend in this situation I would want to meet you as well. Especially if you and my boyfriend were good friends now- that means you're still a part of his life. If you're planning on sticking around and having a friendship with him then the polite thing to do is meet the new girlfriend. Otherwise it just seems shady.
I wouldn't want to meet her and if your gut is saying no, then don't.
Comment.
Don't do it!!!!!!!!!!!
I think you're making the more mature choice to NOT want to meet her. Staying friends with an ex is hard enough on it's own. His love life should not cross paths with your friendship. If anything, his new girlfriend is probably insecure and wants to meet you only to compare herself to you. Just tell your ex that you would rather not get tangled up in his love life and be polite about it. There shouldn't be a problem after that.
Decline. She sounds really insecure about herself. :\
If you decline, be honest and mature about it. I would say "Sorry, but I'm going to say no. It's not because I don't like you, I just stay out of my exes' love life, their relationship is none of my business." And there you go.
But since I'm slightly more obnoxious than you are, I'd take the challenge and meet her. If she wants to compare to me to make her feel better about herself, I'll show her that I am better than her. =P Or maybe she just wants to be friends. If my feelings for my ex are COMPLETELY gone, I wouldn't mind being friends with her, as long as she's a cool person.
hmm, that's tough. Since my boyfriend's ex was at my college and lived on my hall, I kinda knew her already. But I wasn't friends with her. Since my boyfriend did say that she was a great person, I wanted to be friends without making it seem like I was interested in comparing myself with her (I tried- but I keep losing so I gave up on that thought and realized my boyfriend loves me!). She is a GREAT person and I'm glad I'm getting to know her more!
Hey- if you are your ex's good friend, I'm sure you're bound to meet each other some time. It doesn't matter if you see her or not, its just the mindset.
maybe she just wants to meet you. is that such a bad thing?
i've actually become friends with my boyfriend's ex, and she's really fun to hang around with.
and maybe if you're hesitant, ask him if it he would like you to meet her, since you're friends with his friends and family still.
I agree with those who are saying she wants to size you up. She may not have want to except for the fact that you and your ex are still civil AND you still speak to his friends and family. If I were her - I would be curious too.
It's up to you. I think it's just asking for extra drama w/ a side of fries.
I'd decline.
Better for the sake of keeping drama to a minimum to decline the invitation...plus, why does she need to know you anyway? Sounds a little insecure, but w/e.