Thursday, 28 May 2009
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I'm Not Attracted to My BF Anymore
I've been dating my boyfriend for six months now. We started dating only a week after we met, and it got really serious, fast. I just now realized that it was rushed and he still really doesn't know me. He does things that I absolutely despise, but I keep it to myself. I also think that we're not really compatible for each other.Ever since we started having sex, we would do it about twice-three times a week, and I absolutely loved it. But for the past month I haven't been able to have sex with him and it's not because I'm not in the mood. I just can't do it anymore. I'm not attracted to him one bit in that way anymore; it's even hard for me to kiss him. I love cuddling with him and hugging him, but that's all I feel comfortable doing.
I used to see myself marrying this guy, but I really don't see it now. I don't know how to explain all this to him or if I should wait and see if these weird feelings pass. I know breaking up with him will hurt me, but it will absolutely kill him and I don't want to see him hurt.
I honestly have no clue what to do - have any of you been in this type of "friend only" situation?
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- From: ehhsnootch
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Comments (60)
If you're no longer attracted to him, there isn't much you can do. I've been in the same situation and it usually ends with you taking it out on him and him not really understanding what it is that he has done wrong. The best choice you have is walking away and telling him the truth... that your heart just isn't in it anymore. It happens, unfortunately. You have have to deal with it.
The longer you drag this situation, the worse it will get...
Get it over with asap... Just let him know the truth~
I actually went through the same thing. We were together for six months. But it went really slowly for us... I knew him for two years, and we liked each other the whole time, and we got together six months ago. We had sex after two or three months together and did two to three times a week and all, like you. But then I stopped being attracted to him.
So you know what I did?
I broke up with him.
Simple as that.
Don't make it more complicated than it needs to be.
Yes, it was hard, but it's over now. Stop lying to him and yourself.
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Never been in this situation (at least not so soon) but it must be hard for you. I think the best thing you can do is just tell him what's going on and just be friends. If you don't have that compatibility and attraction to eachother, it cannot work. Good luck!
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TELL HIM THE TRUTH
i don't think i've ever been in YOUR situation, usually if i stop thinking a guy is attractive it's usually only after a few weeks, and we never go out to begin with.Â
however, i have been where he's at.. it's not pretty if you wait any longer. do not keep lying to him because that would then classify you as a jackass.. and you don't want to be a jackass do you
You say that breaking up with him will "...absolutely kill him and I don't want to see him hurt." Don't you think he'd be even more devestated to find out that you don't even like him anymore and you're still with him? Do the guy (and yourself) a favor- dump him. It's clearly not the relationship for you.
You've been with him six months and you already saw yourself marrying him? Wow. That's really amazing...ly dumb and naive.
The only advice I can give you - the only advice anyone should give you - is that you should communicate with him, talk to him, explain that you like him, but not that way anymore and work something out. Maybe you need a break from each other, who knows?
get out. that's all i can say.
I really don't think that breaking up with him right away is the answer. I think first you need to tell him all of this, you guys need to have a couple of honest discussions. The answer, I feel, will come out of that.
If you're having this feeling, it won't go away forever. It may for a brief period of time, but every time it comes back, it'll just come back stronger.
If you don't feel attracted to someone, then that's something you can't force. If I were you, I would end it.
Maybe you shouldn't have sex with someone you barely know?
You're going to have to talk to him.
Do you two need to break up? That answer will come with time, but for now, you need to be honest with yourself and him. If you can barely stand him touching you with the exception of hugging and kissing, you have a problem and one that needs to be addressed sooner rather than later.
Being melodramatic about the situation never did anyone any favors either. People have a tendency to make a situation more dramatic in their heads than it's actually going to be in reality. Having honest conversation with him and possibly breaking up is going to hurt, but it's not going to kill anyone (unless one of the parties is highly depressed and suicidal) and shouldn't be a reason to keep on with a relationship that's not making you happy. And speaking of relationships making a person happy 100% of the time...
You're moving out of the honeymoon phase. Not all relationships are puppies and kitties and unicorns pooping rainbows 24/7. Things cool off and cool down, and it's up to both parties to keep the commitment, love, and sex life alive and well. Going through periods where sex isn't ideal is just part of life and isn't something to necessarily ditch a good person over. However, that also doesn't mean that you should sit on something like this and keep it bottled up. Talking about it might bring the spark back, but it also might not. Just remember that real relationships are hard because they require work, just like everything else worth keeping in life.
All in all, can random strangers on the internet help you? Not really. We can tell you what to do, but we can't figure out your problem for you. Most of the advice is going to range between "ditch the bitch" and "talk it out" and it's up to you to ultimately decide which course of action to take.
it's all about you isn't it? It seems like you don't even know why you're in a relationship in the first place, and that's why now that you don't want to continue anymore. Stop hurting people like that you know.
Um. This is not fair for him. Break up with him...
I've been there. It's called falling out of love. Attraction is partly dependent on emotional attachment/connection. You're not connecting with him. My advise to you is to leave him. There's nothing u can do. You can't force yourself to love someone nevermind kiss/have sex with him.
just dump him lyke push him outta yer car wen yer drivin fast on the highway or sumthin he outta get messij pretty quik & then you dont needa hav wunna thoze messy konversayshunz & get all emo & stuff
@AnonymousBlonde@xanga - That was some great, thoughtful advice!
No clue what to do? Why on earth are you still with this guy? Get out fast before you end up married to him or some freak thing like that, thereby ruining your lfie. RUN
@Neurotically_Mine@xanga - exactly
The point of being in a relationship is because you're attracted to one another and care deeply for one another. If you don't' want to be with him, leave him. The sooner you leave him, the sooner he can find another person who will like him as much as he likes her.
you're over the infatuation and realize that you're not attracted to him that way. time to cut it loose. he may hurt a little now but at the very least you're not dragging it out. good luck
just be honest with him. dragging it out will suck even worse. there will be more time invested.
Eh, it depends on how good the rest of the relationship is.
I think it is a normal function of relationships to cycle between being really attracted to a person and not. Sometimes my level of attraction changes as their hair and beard style changes, but sometimes it is related to my happiness in other areas of the relationship.
I wouldn't break up over something like this unless the relationship was bad in other areas.
So instead of telling him that your relationship isn't working out, you'd rather withhold you're feelings, so he won't get hurt?
That's jacked up.