Thursday, 28 May 2009
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Losing A Friend After Hooking Up
Hey guys - I was wondering if I could get your help on this because I don't know what to do anymore. So some things went wrong this past weekend...I slept with a friend I never intended to sleep with. In fact, I wanted him to just be a friend, not even a friends with benefits or anything. Let's call him Mike and his twin brother Jack.My friend Reese and Mike, Jack and I were all hanging out on Friday. Well, Mike and Reese kind of have a little thing going on; it's not exclusive, but they are kind of hanging out. So, that's why I was attempting to hang out with Jack and get to know him better that night, to prevent anything from happening between me and Mike. Yet somehow, I still ended up hooking up with Mike. The sad part is they aren't even identical twins. I've known Mike longer than Reese has. Actually, I know Mike because we got set up by a mutual friend of ours about six years ago, but it didn't work out and I was fine with actually being friends...no hard feelings, one could say.
Reese says she's not mad about me and Mike hooking up now, but I think she is. Plus, she has no right to be verbally mad anyway, I think, after all the things she's done to me. I know it's not right to feel this way, yet I do - but Reese has done some things to me in the past (like sneaking behind my back to hang out with an ex of mine I used to despise with a passion and more) so in a way, I am kind of glad things were even more ruined for Mike and Reese. I think she does this purposely, but she befriends or is civil with people I hate...I don't get why she can't just ignore them and not even talk to them like I do instead of pretending to be their friend or whatever.
To be honest, I think things between Reese and Mike were already screwed in the first place because Mike couldn't get over the fact that my friend Reese gets around a lot. In fact, the night all four of us were hanging out, Reese had brought another "friend" of hers to hang out with us, so Mike got pissed, and then she got pissed at Mike then made out with that friend she brought.
Mike's actually a pretty celibate guy (rare these days)...he's only ever been with people he's cared about as more than friends...until he got with me. I was disappointed in him, and in me. Reese was supposed to come back and hang out with us so it would be the four of us at Mike's apartment, but she messed that up by making out with her friend in front of Mike. Haha...she's pissed at Mike after he called her a whore...I think the truth hurts.
When Mike, Jack and I got to the apartment, I was trying to hang out with Jack, but Mike kept trying to pull me over to hang out with him I did not know what to do, so I went with Mike. The whole reason why I went back to hang out with the twins was because I really thought they were decent guys and no one would try to get with me. The most I expected of that night was to be making out with Jack; never did I imagine I would hook up with Mike. Reese has told me Mike has tried to text me a couple of times but I don't have text on my phone, he could call me to talk about things, but I'm glad he hasn't. I just would not know what to say to him. I don't even know if I am now pregnant or not, but I took the morning after pill just to be safe, so hopefully if all goes well I won't be.
I was kind of mad that I heard he went to the hospital to get a STD test to see if he got anything from me. Of Reese and me, I would be the one who's more STD-free, yet he wants to date her.
I don't know what to do about him; I wish we could just forget about the whole thing and be back to being friends, but I am not sure if that can happen. Personally, I think my friend Mike deserves better than my friend Reese anyway. I hate the fact that after all this, Mike still likes my friend even though she is a bit of a slut. My friend has been with three different people in three consecutive days before, and I hate to say this about my friend that guys still like and want to date her.
Mike is not the type to sleep around, and so I was disappointed in him extremely when he started that crap with me. I could have prevented it and actually tried to resist a few times, but in the end, our moods got the better of us, if you know what i mean
Have you ever gotten with a friend by mistake? If so, were you able to just forget about it and still continue to be friends or did you never talk to them ever again? I still want to try to work things out as friends now with Mike. Before all this happened we talked about hanging out this summer and all that, now I don't know anymore.
What I hate is Reese will be in Chicago with his twin brother Jack so she won't even be in the same town as me and Mike anymore, ugh. Now things are a bit strained between me and Mike.
Although my friend Reese may have a great personality, do you agree with me that my friend Mike deserves better than her? Reese keeps asking me what's wrong because she's supposedly not mad at me, but I don't want to tell her of my real reason that I am jealous about how good guys like Mike still like her even though she's the one who sleeps around more than I do, I hate to say.That she doesn't deserve a good guy, I wish they would like me over her but I can't control that.
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- From: anonymish
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Comments (36)
Oh Lord...sounds like a soap opera.
Best thing to do is to not associate yourself with these people anymore. Hopefully you're not pregnant.
omg....that's a lot to sink in but i totally understand how you feel. that happened to me once too when i hooked up with a really good friend of mines things just sort of got weird between us because he was still in love with my best friend. like you, i was sort of jealous, but after i thought about it, i wasn't the problem, it was him, after he hooked up with me, he still wanted my friend and i thought that was a pretty shady move for him. i know it sucks but you really need to move on.
Oh my! You should let him go, after all what had happened to both of you. In the first place he is still after mat with that friend of yours. Try to move on, nothings gonna happen. Try to relax, have fun or hang out with other friends. I had read an article about love recovery and it says that when you are feeling alone, empty or damped, try to eat chocolates, Great Lake Pizza, and fruits, they'll let you feel better. Try it on!
Jealousy is a terrible thing.
wow...your "friend?" i see how great of friends you are...the whole time, all you did was bash her.
how old are you? 16? really. give me a break. i don't think you deserve to have friends like these, and they don't sound like they ever did anything to deserve a friend as vile and backstabbing as you.
and you call your friend "Reese" slutty...while you're the one who was expecting to make out with "Jack?" and you slept with "Mike," who you say is pretty celibate...celibacy is having no sex at all, not having sex once in a while.
i'm glad you submitted this anonymously...your friends shouldn't have to know that one of their friends is talking so much trash about them.
obviously all the "good guys" like Reese over you because you sound like nothing but a trash-talking bitch. :/
I didnt even read the whole thing but I think you all need new friends. Where's the respect?!
Heres the thing sugar. Or at least my take on it. This is so not an attack on you, but Ive been you and Ive been your friend Reese before. So I like to think I have a little experience with this kind of thing. Number 1, are you absolutely 100% sure that you dont have feelings for him? It sounds to me, based on how you described things, that you are bashing your friend and her character more because youre jealous that your other friend like her. Obviously you dont think shes a bad person for doing these things or you wouldnt be her friend. You may have more feelings for Mike than you realize or want to admit. Trust me, Ive been there.
Number 2, you need to distance yourself from this guy. If he really likes your friend, he wouldnt have slept with you. He may not be the standup guy you seem to think he is. And as for him not getting around, he could just be saying that to you in order to make you and Reese more comfortable with him. Most men arent going to say that they bring girls home all the time if they are trying to hook up with a girl.
And lastly, you cant think of your friend as a bad person for what she has done in the past. Im not saint, thats for sure, and Ive had "friends" tell me that I didnt deserve men that Ive been with because they were too good for me. When I was young, I got my fair share of guys. But I really was trying to change my ways. You may not know her whole story. Most of the guys I used to date seemed like really standup guys. They were "too good for me". But when you got them alone, they were total jerks. Thats why I had some many boyfriends and seemed to get around. Not because I was being slutty but because I tthought that if I slept with this guy or fooled around with that one, that he would like me and I would be able to change. She may be the same way. And everyone has their moments where they make stupid mistakes, which may account for her 3 in 3 move.
Im not saying that these are definitely the facts, but that is how Im seeing it based on what you said. I think the best advice I can give you is to step back from all of these people for a minute and take a look at yourself and them. Maybe the guy really is standup and he just slipped up, highly unlikely but it could happen. Maybe your friend really is a slut and she does deserve to be so-called. And maybe you really do just want to see Mike with someone better suited. But I think that you need to take the time to really look at the situation and try to be as unbiased as you can. That will be hard since you are directly involved, but you need to try to put your emotions asside and simple look at the facts. Is she really a slut or is she trying to change? Is he really this awesome guy or does he have an alternate motive? And most importantly, am I jealous because he deserves better or do I have some feeling for him?
I hope this helps, honey. Sorry if it doesnt. I dont mean to sound like Im lecturing you but it seems to have come out that way.
What kind of a friend is she? Ugh, she sounds so conniving.
I couldn't get though the whole thing, but I just gotta say when you have a friend named Reese, you need to specify that it's a Girl.... for the first two paragraphs I thought this was about a whole bunch of gay guys.
Wow. I'm kind of there right now. I hooked up with my friend, knowing that he had a girlfriend because he 'confessed' to me one night that he was breaking up with her and he really loved me and everything just kind of happened. And after everything, he went straight back to his girl...he told me it just wasn't right timing. The best advice I can give you is just to step away from the situation for a while and re-evaluate your feelings for all parties involved.
@chrissehko@xanga - Took the words right out of my mouth.
@Cameronie@xanga - me too lol
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First of all, make the guy always wear a condom...hello?
I love how ignorant people are and don't think of the consequences.
Wow, what kind of friend are you? Why are you guys even hanging out? You guys seem to be really backstabbing and conniving and jealous.
I don't buy for a second that you feel bad about sleeping with him. I think in the back of your mind you wanted to sleep with him so that you can somehow prove yourself to be better than your friend Reese. That's not how you go about proving your worth, that's not how you deal with an inferiority complex. Mike may like you, but it doesn't look like it. Looks like you both have it out for Reese for hurting you. He's upset she made out with another guy, and instead of dropping her, he uses you to "get back at her". And unfortunately, you put yourself in the middle of that bull.
And you're mad at her because she speaks to people you don't like? Seriously? You sound like you're 13, but I hope not because 13 year olds shouldn't be having that much sex (or sex at all, really).
All of you guys need to really evaluate your friendship, really evaluate how you all feel towards one another, and then deal with your problems and your feelings in a more constructive way than sleeping with one another and then bashing your "friends" later.
and another note...I don't think I could physically stomach sleeping with someone casually that my friend has slept with. that's it.
you guys don't really sound like friends at all. just acquaintances.
OMG HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA!! Your friend may kiss or sleep around and it has NOTHING to do with you, but you're talking shyt about her behind her back. What makes you a better person? I don't understand how you can go from liking Jack and wanting to hang out with Jack to messing with Mike. It doens't matter if Mike deserves better or not, he chose to like her. And I think he was pretty hurt by your friend making out with another guy that night, and hooked up with you to get your friend mad. This drama is between them two. Unfortunately you got in the middle of it, just leave it. If he wants to be friends, he'll call you. If you want to stay friends with Mike, why don't you just send him a short email saying that you want to stay friends. You have to decide if you want to be friends with your female friend, obviously if you keep complaining about her. I think your chances of being with Jack is zero now.
3e more special toward to him, make sure he have cloth's on. @n @live "okay" 4 your friend she 3e An interpersonal relationship is a relatively long-term association between two or more people.
It sounds like you don't like your friend Reese at all! You were insulting her throughout the entire post. I would rethink that friendship.
Look. It was a mistake to sleep with Mike. Now you have to face the consequences. Sorry. Looks like you've lost two friends. And how does Jack feel about all this?
Well if you don't like Reese then don't hang out with her. And you're right. You can't control who guys like sometimes, and you can't really change that. Sleeping with Mike also kinda makes you as "bad" as her because you weren't into him like that. If you don't like Mike anyways, you should just move on. You really should be careful about sleeping with someone you don't want to though. In a way, that was your fault because you let him.
Holyshit, your life is so full of drama. I thought this entry was about how you felt bad about sleeping with Mike and you're worried of losing your GIRL FRIEND. But from the looks of it, you and Reese aren't really friends. You bashed her 80% of this entry, you're still pissed off that Mike slept with you JUST to get back at her for kissing her "friend" and in spite of the fact that you keep insisting that you don't have any feelings for him but you're ANGRY that he's gotten himself tested STD after you two had unprotected sex. You should check yourself out too, just in case, don't project your hopes of him not being a slut, you never know what he does discreetly and behind closed doors, eh?
Plus I feel bad for Jack on this... You go over there to possibly make out with him but in the end, when Mike pulls you away, you "not knowing what to do" just follow him? Poor guy, not only does he get totally ignored but he ends up hearing things... ugh...Instead of worrying about Mike, you should worry about losing Jack. And quit kidding yourself, you're not friends with Reese either because you guys stab each other in the back, you hardly support each other and you guys are both using each other for some twisted sense of amusement. GOod luck.
story of my gd life
You were disappointed in MIKE? Why aren't you more disappointed in yourself? I mean, seriously--what's wrong with YOU? Why are you hooking up with other people and being "the slut"?
You can't control the fact that they like her over you? Maybe it's because she doesn't back-stab people like it's her job. So what if she snuck behind your back to meet up with an old ex of yours? She probably didn't want you spreading around rumors that she was a boyfriend stealer who would hook up with just about anybody.
You think the truth hurts? Here it is: no one likes you because you are horrendously selfish and you can't respect anyone else or treat them the way you, princess, think you SHOULD be treated.
I really hope you learn to be reflective before you completely fuck the rest of your life over.
I hooked up with my friend one night (drinking was involved, obviosly) and things were really awkward the next day....See, she had a fiance and we both knew it but we also knew that they were having problems. Things were peachy until I found out that they were getting back together and that the wedding was still on (it's in June. I was invited, but probably not anymore...) Before any of this happened we would always text each other and now, she barely texts me and when she does, it's usually those one-word texts that I HATE so much.
:( :(