Miss Gorilla
When I fall in love, I'm the type of girl who falls hard and fast. When I'm with someone, he is all that I see. I don't stray. I am a very loyal person. However, all of that changed a few months ago when I found myself trapped in a situation with no clear solution.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year, and we have always been happy. Sure, it isn't as exciting as it once was, but I have never doubted my love for him or the passion that we share. Ironically, it was in an ethics class that I met someone else. It seemed that he was everything my boyfriend was not. They were total opposites. Where my boyfriend was shy, he was incredibly social and outgoing. While my boyfriend loves video games, he is a huge film buff. Why was I attracted to a person so different than what I'm used to.
After a few months of casual flirting, I realized that I was in too deep.
Harmless fun had turned serious and overwhelming. Despite my constant denial, I knew that I was in love with two people. My friends and family continuously urged me to make a choice. "Just pick one! Draw straws or clip a coin, if you have to." I knew that I was stuck.
I broke up with my boyfriend, saying that I needed time and space to sort things out. I couldn't condone cheating on someone that I loved so much, so I insisted on being single while I tried to make some kind of decision. Eventually, I even made a list of pros and cons.
As of right now, both men are competing for a relationship with me. Rather than feeling flattered, I constantly feel pressured and scared. I hate hurting them, but I know that I have to let one of them (if not both of them) go in order to move forward in my life.
How do I know which one is right for me? Have you ever been torn between two people before?
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Comments (71)
Draw up a pros and cons table? Maybe you should just have them wrestle in a cage match on the WWE. That would be pretty sick.
And don't worry, you're not the only woman who can't make up her mind. Seriously pretty much every girl I know is a lot like you in the fact that they're so easily swayed. =p who knows maybe guy #3 will come along and kick everybody's ass.
ps First!
Let them both go as lovers. Neither one needs the thought of you with the other.
Move on. I think it'll be best for everyone in the situation.
But that's just me. Maybe.
why not hav both that seemz lyke the lojikul solushun to me just lyke yer lyttle ikon showz
Go with the one you feel most comfortable with, more yourself with.
if you can't choose... don't pick either one. Find someone with qualities that you love from each of the other guys.
Love Triangle is a big peoblem .....
I saw this on an episode of Full House.
DJ didn't pick either.
I would say go with whoever your heart and gut tells you.
@SupperMick@xanga - LOL I liked your answer.
It's one thing to be infatuated and it's another to be "in love". You may be attracted to someone based on their personalities, etc but it doesn't necessarily mean you have to jump into a relationship with them. In fact, when I was "stuck" in those situations, I stood by my ex. I stayed with him for a good 10 yrs. It takes time to build a foundation with someone... trust, love, comfortability, etc. So I couldn't simply toss that out of the window. The "other" guy turned out to be a great friend later down the line. I have a ton of these great friends lol. I wouldn't trade their friendship for the world. So in a way, I'm glad that I stood by the ex because I made a ton of good friends over the years. But you're right, and you did the right thing by breaking up with the boyfriend to clear your head. Don't make a decision until your mind is clear. Good luck :o)
if its "love" theres no triangle. if theres a triangle its not love. some things you just cant make up your mind by drawing straws or flipping a coin but since i've never been in that situation before i dont really know what to say. listen to your heart??? be positive and firm with your decision and dont regret cause you made the choice yourself. stick to it good or bad. be certain that guy (whether its your boyfriend or the other guy) is someone you really want to be with.
@pansybradshaw@xanga - I'm not trying to be mean, but I have no idea what you just typed. WTF
Well......it's hard to go with your heart because your mind is trying to warn you of consequences that may occur. It's really about the person and if he's willing to commit to you and respect you.
stay single. buy a vibrator. done.
@eyesochinky@xanga - of course you dont hahahahahaha
you don't love both. you can only love one. maybe you actually love neither in this case.
I hate to admit it but this reminded me of the Full House episode where DJ can't make up her mind about which guy to date.
Erm, yeah, I'm no help.
i'd say stick with the first guy.
this sort of happened to me....i mean i was in love with one guy but then there were other guys that had qualities my boyfriend didn't have. so it's kinda like you're just filling up the hole with those other guys....and if you go with them you'll see that you miss your original boyfriend because he has all the things your current boyfriend doesn't have.
you can't have everything =P oh and it's always greener on the otherside.
I'm with both Mangonese and dollhouse on this one. If you were in love, there would be no triangle. The fact that there is a triangle, I think, means you should step away from the whole situation, give yourself a chance to clear your head.
If you're in love with both guys, perhaps it's best to take a step back. It's one thing to be in love, it's another to actually love someone.
How about examining how each guy fits your personality? How do you handle conflicts? Do you see yourself personally growing when you with one or the other? Are you being challenged?
Finally, picking one guy based on emotion or how each guy makes you feel is perilous. Emotions come and go. Maybe getting some feedback from your closest friends would help.
And if all else fails, two words: Threesome.
When you really love someone, you don't sway. I think yoou were just getting bored with your boyfriend when the second guy came along and you wanted something more novel and exciting. You probably fell out of love with your boyfriend so you wanted something new. But you don't really love the second person either, because if you do, it probably wouldn't be that hard a choice to make.
I say take some time off before you even think about going back to either one of them (if at all). At least by the time you make up your mind all parties would know it's a well-thought out process. Good luck~
This EXACT same situation happened with me back in the fall. Although, my boyfriend at the time wasn't the same guy that I had fallen in love with a year earlier so I eventually drifted away from him. I spent months trying to choose between them. I didn't want to get out of bed in the morning, knowing how much stress I would have to deal with throughout the day. Eventually I went with the guy that made me happy. I would spend one on one time with each of them and discovered that the newer guy made me happy and special and all the things that my ex had long forgotten how to do. I ended up falling for the new guy and we have been happily together for about 5 months now.
Just ask yourself who makes YOU happy. The hardest part is not wanting to hurt anyone, which I had a hard time with. But in the end I realized that you can't make other people happy unless you are truly happy yourself.
Pick the one you see a future with. But these are people too, and you are toying with them both. If you really loved your boyfriend, why didn't you stop flirting with the other guy? You should have broken up with your bf right away to stop all the drama from happening.
Go single for a while.Â
Take a breather.
Enjoy the single life
Or don't choose either.
If I was in your situation, I wouldn't choose either of them.Â
However, if I was in high school (and I was complete relationship whore), I'd date one, break up with him, and date the other.
But I'm not that relationship whore anymore, so that may be bad advice.
I say stay single.Â
I applaud you for not cheating and taking time off to think about this situation. Other people would have been more selfish, conscious or unconscious of this fact. I would say go for the one who you're more comfortable with and whom you believe is more trustworthy.
On another note, do you really just miss the fact that there's less excitement between you and your boyfriend? Maybe if you spend less time with guy #2 and revive the excitement with guy #1 you will forget guy#2?
my friend went through this... and quite honestly, she chose the wrong guy. choose carefully.
Once you break things off with your boyfriend, it's very difficult to go back to the way things were before the second guy came along...
This is what happened with me. I developed feelings for someone new, set aside a few days to sort things out but my boyfriend found out...I went back to him anyway. Things from there were really bad, and I broke it off with him because he never stopped reminding me of how I was "unfaithful" to him.
Whatever. After a while, I let him go too, and I met the person I'm dating now. :]
And @SupperMick@xanga - not all girls are easily swayed. It's true girls are more prone to emotional reactions but guys can be just as unfaithful and indecisive. People simply find in someone else whatever voids might be in their relationship. If there's a void in the first place, there's a problem with that relationship.