A bit of a rant, probably. It just bugs me a bit right now that a large portion of my school friends (college, not old HS friends) think I'm this really innocent, naive person because of personal opinions I hold.
Don't get me wrong - innocence is a GOOD thing. It's just not accurate to say that it describes me, though. It's not a hugely horribly assumption to make, because I'd rather people think me "innocent" than...a slut, but still. And it's not that I think the opposite of innocence is sluttiness, but that definitely seems to be the annoying way in which people categorize sexuality. It's a topic people really like to place into little neat boxes.
So, okay, YES, I do want to wait until I get married to have sex. And yes, I will openly admit this, because I'm just the sort of person that if I do feel something, I feel it strongly. But I don't have that opinion, as some people think, because I just have no experience with that sort of thing, because I've just been sheltered. That is really not the case. As much as I can remember, my parents never actually said to me, "You should wait to have sex until you get married." If it was said in church, I never heard it because I hated going to church as a kid and never listened to anything going on. It wasn't due to the friends I hang out with because a lot of the friends I had during my teenage years didn't stay virgins or whatever.
If I had to give one solid reason for why I believe what I believe, I would say it is regret. I may be a virgin, but that's just about the last hold out I have.
I'm really not that innocent, and I haven't been for a long time. And really, I regret it now, because I changed everything by making decisions at an age that I was too young to really understand the consequences. Sorry for not going into specifics, but this is the internet. ;) But I believe in good coming out of all bad, and maybe that one good thing is that I can be loud about what I now believe, so that other people going through the same situations I did will hear another voice on the matter. Because back then the only voices I was hearing were the wrong ones...
I've actually always had a fascination with sex and all related things, so in some respects, I feel like I'm just years ahead, mentally, on that subject than other people my age simply because I started being interested in it at a younger age than most people. When people are stupid and apologize to me for saying some sexual innuendo or some boob joke because they think innocent Mari will be offended, I just laugh a little because I've probably read more erotica in my life than they've read books in general. There is very little you can truly offend me by saying, very little I haven't heard of all ready. I'm not sure why it was so fascinating to me... I'm a really curious person though, and when you're little, everyone tries to shut down any curiosity you have in sex, so that made it seem like some really huge exciting secret so of COURSE I wanted to know more about it. Now I've kind of calmed down and I don't find it as endlessly fascinating as I used to.
But yeah. Just because I decide to wait until I get married, doesn't mean I am naive.
Please respect my opinion by not equating it to ignorance. I did not always hold that view and it was a lot of thinking that got me to that place.
As a last note, I also dislike when people assume I'm more sensitive about things than I am. I'm really not easily offended by anything sexual (well, in speech, obviously I will be offended if someone tries to do more than talk about it to me), or by really anything else. The only time I'll really object to what people say is when they are very clearly saying bad things about a group of people or an individual, like making fun of a disabled person or something. The one instance I really hate is vegetarianism. Yes, I am a vegetarian, it is true! For some reason people think this means that meat is extremely offensive to me. Look: my entire family eats meat. A lot of my friends eat meat. I ate meat up until I was 18 years old. The sight of it does not make me puke or anything. But people assume that I'll get angry at them if they eat it around me. Why?! I don't get it. I'm not rude at all, and I would never bring it up while people are eating unless they bring it up first. I respect that everyone makes different choices... the only thing that really annoys me is when people say to me "I WOULD be a vegetarian BUT..." and then list a bunch of lame excuses, because really, been there, done that, excuses are excuses, buddy, and imma gonna cut them down.
Well anyhow, point of this blog: Don't assume anything about people you don't know.
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Comments (76)
You have every right to want to wait until marriage. It's your decision. Don't let anyone else bring you down. :)
K, good point, I've always taken that to heart.
When you say "I'm waiting for marriage", you do know it's hypocritical to say "I'm a virgin" when you've done everything but have intercourse, right? I'm not saying that's you, but saying you're a virgin and having oral sex or whatever other sexual actions you participate in is dumb and hypocrisy at it's finest.
good for ya! believe in what ou believe! :)
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - Virginity has no set definition. Hypocrisy by your definition applies only to you. Like, uh...well, morality. Or beauty. Or the truth. Very relative.
good post !
Great post. Kudos for stuckin to your guns and keeping your head on your shoulders. You seem to be alot more mature than the people around you, so I would say just ignore it. You have one up on them, regardless of what you or they think.
I've got to the point in my life where I dont care to tell someone to shut up if they're being nosey or irritating. Next time someone mentions something about the vegitarian thing, just laught at their stupidity, and make it obvious. Your not going to hurt anyones feelings by showing how ridiculous they are. I mean, you'd do it on here, right?.
Good luck!!
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - She is still a virgin if she hasn't had sex. She has to have intercorse in the vag, to break that whatever-its-called. (its been a while since i've talked about this..hahah) Giving/receiving oral, or even having anal doesn't mean she lost her virginity.
people are always confused when i tell them that religion is not the reason i'm abstaining. it seems they don't understand that one can have good morals without being religious. good post, i can relate, for sure!
fuck it.
do what you want.
Totally understand. I wanted to wait till marriage...I didn't wait but I did end up marrying the guy. Even though I hadn't lost my virginity before then, I knew a lot about sex and was very well informed and also, like yourself, read erotica and watched porn at an early age. When everyone started, I already lost interest, really. It would be funny when my friends became active and the "innocent virgin" began giving them advice on different types of birth control or began diagnosing their UTIs. lol. One friend even said "To be a virgin, you sure know a lot about sex" Well, don't assume because I haven't met the person I would like to make my husband that I'm completely naive, uninterested, or offended by the subject.
@brittbritt__x@xanga - Not all women have hymens; some lose them through other means (physical exertion), and some are born without them at all.
A hymen really doesn't mean anything. It's just a flap of skin to help prevent infection before trying to conceive.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - You know people like to use technicalities when it comes to virginity, right?
Good for you!
People do the same thing to me just because I have more conservative beliefs than them. Just because I don't have sex (and won't before marriage) doesn't mean that I'm completely uncomfortable when someone brings up the topic of sex. I hate being treated like a china doll.
All this to say, I totally understand. It's really frustrating.
@brittbritt__x@xanga - that's kind of up to the person whether or not they believe that. Because the argument against you could be "well, they call it oral/anal sex for a reason"... but shrug... I agree with you. I still consider myself a virgin because I've never had sex.
It's all personal decisions, really. And if you want to call yourself a virgin because you haven't had sex, but you've done everything else, great. Do it. Who's to call you otherwise? (a**holes or hypocrites, that's who....)
and that's my two cents.
@Mangonese@xanga - Ooo i knew you could break it before hand but i didnt know some werent born with it. thanks for the insite!
@candyhearts13@xanga - Very true! In this case she conciders herself to be one, its kind of out-of-line for this dude to call her a hypocrite or dumb for saying thats what she beleives to be true.
I had sex first before doing anything else, so I dunno whats its like to have that in-between feeling.
sometimes i think the only people that wait to have sex are just scared of it, or don't have anybody to do it with and just try to cover it up with "having morals".
good luck though.
Ummm.....well....good for you on not being naive I guess? I'm not really sure what else I'm supposed to say about this post. I guess I could congratulate you on not having had "sex" yet, but I don't really see the point in that. So, yeah...
technical virgins = fail. if you're determined to be chaste, then stick with it fully. (if i'm not mistaken, the point of retaining virginity is to keep one's body/mind "unadulterated.") i surmise from your post that this is not your intent. if you want to refrain from just intercourse, that's fine, but let's not go around parading the v-card on a technicality.
yikes! a virgin vegetarian! oh how will the world ever survive???
to wait is ok for you but may not be ok for others and we should not put down either one. it is your choice and though i may not agree with it, in no way would i think any less of you for it.
you can call yourself whatever you wish...whom am i to say otherwise?
to stand up for one's convictions seems to be missing today by many people. i admire you for standing up for yours.
@Mangonese@xanga -
@brittbritt__x@xanga -
@candyhearts13@xanga -
Virgin
Sexual Intercourse
Contrary to popular opinion here, virginity does indeed have a definition. I also like the word "chaste" defined as pure in thought and action. Somehow a female with a mouthful of penis doesn't come across as pure in thought and especially not in action. And not to be sexist or homophobic, a male with a mouthful of penis is just as unpure as a female.
To the author: What you want from people is the very thing that many others fight against everyday. I don't care who I offend, I will not stop being who I am or saying what I am thinking to protect someone else's feelings unnecessarily.
It's true that we shouldn't make those pre-judgments about people in categories ("virgin" "vegetarian")
And really, whenever one of my older female coworkers hears that I waited until marriage before I had sex, they almost always say something to the effect of "That's so sweet--I wish I had done that!" Hearing that many regrets always makes me sad, but also kinda underscores in my mind that I did the right thing.
It's not about being naive or innocent, it's about being sure that what you do today isn't something that you'll regret tomorrow.
@Not_a_real_site@xanga - i'm not sure who you would've offended? Your point is valid and true......? lol
@Not_a_real_site@xanga - But, uh, "purity" is relative.
You can't tell me it's not. Pure to me certainly isn't pure to you. Virginity may have a "definition", but not a commonly accepted one by society.
@brittbritt__x@xanga - Yeah, no problem. :) Glad to have helped.