Monday, 25 May 2009
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Dear Dr. Datingish: I Like A Guy Who's 16 Years Older
I'm 25, a little lost and confused about where my life is going. He's 41 and has had his heart broken one too many times. Currently, he's unstable as well.
I met him about 6 months ago at work. We don't really say much to each other but started talking to each other through email. We met up to hang out a few times (okay, like twice). He was just being nice. He's very attractive and I know he knows it too. I just have the biggest crush on him, and even though I have a feeling that we're not going to work out, I can't help but want to try.
I notice I always chase after older men and I'm not really sure why. I never had any issues growing up with my family (father issues, etc). I'm in love with him and feel so lost - so much so that I'm not being productive at work and I don't know what to do. I spend a lot of time thinking about him. It's been a while since I've found someone that I'm excited about, why did it have to be a 41 year old man?!
He's quite a flirt, that's probably what keeps me thinking about him. Please help, any advice would help.
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- From: brokenheart1
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Comments (40)
im seriously having the same problem except he's 11 years older. it's ruining my day when i cant stop thinking about him.
i like older men too :D maybe you should just let him know & see if you two could spark something together. & once that happens, you can decide whether or not you're still attracted to him.
older men are the bomb.. well not really..
you should give it a try!!
@asdfghjkieu@xanga - how many years older? 8? =P
well... go for what you want, give it a shot... I don't think age is much of a matter if you like him~
good luck
I like a girl 13-16 ^^
as long as you both are of legal age, age should not be a factor. the only problem i see here is that you work together. is he or you a in charge of one another? work place romances can be trouble some.
other than that...dont let age stop you. if ya click, ya click. good luck.
My friend's 23 and she's dating a 49 year old. They live together and everything. But he never wants to get married again.
My advice to you is, if you two are not on the same page (like you wanna get married, he doesn't, he wants kids, you don't) it probably won't work out. BUT if yall are on the same page, age ain't nothing but a number, as they say.
I definately understand. I like a guy who is 27 years older than me...and it is seriously f-ed up. We too met at work. The complicated issue is that we are both in relationships. Neither one of us can figure out how we began to like each other....neither one of us was looking for anyone else.
We have hung out quite a few times, and have had a lot of fun (no, not anything dirty). But we laugh and smile a lot. If we were both single, we would probably be doing more...but we are not. It seems like we are both finding what we were missing in our relationships with each other.
It has caused quite the complicated situation. My bf definately isn't a fan of the whole situation..especially when we have slept (clean) together 2x.
And it is so hard just to walk away from him (the older guy) and I don't know why.
But yeah...just go for it...I have realized age is just a number. I used to be super wierd about that...like a guy can't be more than 5 years older, he can't smoke (older guy smokes cigars)...but for whatever reason, those got thrown out the window this time. I dunno.
Good luck...at least you are both single!
Please don't try to build a relationship when you're both still healing and/or still broken from past ones. Trust me, it's a bad idea. I've done it before. No matter how strong or smart you are, it's very unlikely to work. Do yourself a favor and wait until your confusion and his broken heart aren't on the radar anymore. Then you'll have a much better chance.
My heart really goes out for you! We can't help who we end up crushing for, and your situation seems to prove that. My father is 20 years older than his wife and they've been together for 9 years. They started dating when she was 20 and he was 40. It sounds sort of like a creeper situation, but they made it work, and if his heart is in the right place, so can you! If you can't shake the crush, take the crush. :)
I would assume you like men who are more established -- have a good sense of who they are, what they want, etc. Older men usually have a stable life, financial security and emotional maturity. You probably don't want someone who is still figuring things out (you could possibly even be one of those types). You want a rock and stability.
(Please tell me if I'm wrong.)
If the age factor bothers you so much, I would suggest looking for a mature, attractive, flirtatious and compatible man your age. They're rare but do exist.
good luck :)
you're both not at your best mental/emotional state. that says something about what it is you are looking for in this.
ive alwayz gone for men who ar older well xcept wunse i daytid a guy 5 yeerz yunger it wuzza dizasteur i went bak to the older guyz i dont thaynk aij shud matter az long az you ar abul to mayke eech uther happy
@buddy71@xanga - I agree with you completely on the workplace romance part. It can be pretty troublesome.
To the original poster: If you and this guy are on the same level of maturity, then by all means go for it. But also be aware that since you two work together, you need to be discreet about it because workplace romances can cause trouble at times. Trust me, I've been in that situation. :\
Best of luck.
Now and days age aint nothing but a number as long as you guys are both legal and sounds to me u guys are but one thing tho. What do u want in ur future?
Do you want to get married and have kids? U still have that chance in doing that..something that u have never done before.
On his end he has been there and done that. He might not want to have anymore kids (if he has kids) or he might not want to get married. So u just have to look at that.
I know thats probably thinking to far but u never know u guys could just work out and the feelings start to get stronger and BAM!!!!! you find out that he doesnt want the same things u want and thats going to crush u. So just think about what u want in the future ya know?
i think deep inside (you know that it's not going to work out) you want something/someone you can't have him... It isn't healthy... but then it happens *shrug*
I like someone who tells me that he's not looking for a relationship and is interested in spending time with me only PLATONICALLY. I have never had a man tell me that before and I have been developing this GIANT crush on him. He's 9 yrs older, shorter (which is a major nono for a girl of 5ft 10), a smoker (equally a nono) and has A LOT of women around him  since he's one of "those" guys who are much more comfortable with women than with men. And yet, I can't shake him off! I'm meeting a lot of guys who clearly fit my criteria and yet he's the one I seem to be SMITTEN with.Anyways, bottom like, when knowing you can't have someone because of age or the obvious facts that will inevitably have you kick yourself mentally in the head of going after guys that you have no chance will...is a waste of time. When we meet ppl we can't have, we set them up on a pedestal and project our own ideas on him.... he's not who you think he is, he IS a flirt, he knows he's good looking, IF you guys get together, you know that's going to hurt you and probably drive you nuts. I know it'll to me...I don't share well if I like someone A LOT. lol Good luck!!Go for it, it's not like it's illegal anymore since you're 25. And don't be worried about what others might think, just do what you think will make you happy.
There's nothing wrong with falling in love with an older man. My dad is 12 years older than my mom and was divorced when they met. They've been married for 25 years now. If there's an attraction then you should go for it...but always be cautious if he's too flirty and/or unstable.
Talk with him and get to know him better. See if his values are the same as yours. It could work out. :)
I have yet to meet a girl that doesn`t dig older men.
It`s worth a try.
@stephyju2517@xanga - You're kidding, right?
I've had my heart broken one too many times too, but then I guess it might have been my fault.
the older guys know how to play it right, lots of experience
As for you tending to go for older men, you're probably looking for someone who can almost emulate your father.
Biologically and thinking longer term though, a 25 year difference gets a bit risky.
The best relationship I ever had was with a woman 20 years younger...not sure long term it would have worked. After 7 years we split...I suggest you enjoy it and do not worry about the age...almost everywhere, (South America, Europe, Asia) but the USA no one gives the age difference a second thought.Â
I'm 21 and currently dating a 34 year old man. It's not the easiest thing in the world, but I don't regret giving it a chance. We've been together nearly two years. You mention that he has been hurt too many times in the past... be careful with that. Age itself isn't an issue, but when they've had so much time to build a past, it can be easy for them to hold the misdeeds of others from the past against you.